Worried 15 yo son won't stay at new house - any advice

[Undecidedandtorn]

I split up from my husband in 2020 which has been hard on all of us but my very sensitive teenager has taken it the worst. For the first year we carried on living together and then since September me and my ex have been spending alternate weeks at a flat with the other being at the family home but the flat is being sold so can't carry on doing that.

I have brought a house which I am moving into in April which is a 20 minute bus ride away and the idea would be him and his 7yo brother would spend one week with me and one week with their dad who is staying in the family home. I have tried to talk to my teen about it but he just can't cope - he recently had a autism diagnoses (which he also refuses to discuss but that is a different thread) and he finds change really hard and has lived in the same house all his life. I have brought a 3 bed place so he could share with his little brother like he does currently or have his own room - his choice. He is indicated he might not come to the house at all. This would be unbearable for me - we are very close and I already miss him when we are apart. Any advice/tips/idea?

It's going to need to be a gradual process I think. Come for tea/movie night, come for lunch, stay one night etc and let him build up to feeling safe and secure. Don't talk about bedrooms or furniture yet - just let him choose food and a film. Nothing overwhelming.

You've all gone through a lot of change and he just needs a bit of extra time to adjust. It will come.

Also print out some photos for him to visualise the new place. Maybe ask him what you can put in his brothers room to make it homely (not his until he brings it up) and give him chance to be involved at a very safe distance.

Thank you @Notonthestairs - gradual seems really sensible. Its tricky as the 7yo is really up for having two places and has already made some good suggestions about what he would like.

I have a teenager with ASD and she really need lots of processing time to absorb new information (holidays, places to visit etc). Her immediate reaction is almost always no. She is frightened and easily overwhelmed. Wherever we can we try to ensure she gets a very slow transition.
I hope it works out for all of you.

New diagnoses for teenagers are a nightmare. Can you ask school if they have a counsellor of some sort who will talk to him about his diagnosis. Just give him the space to do so. That has worked wonders with my dd.

Then I would just give him bits at a time. Do you have the estate agents advert for the place can you give it to him or send him the rightmove link. Let him get a feel for the place. Drive him.past it if possible. Look at the route from there to school. Just slowly does it. He will likely get there but will take time to adjust.

Thank you for your kind words. Part of the issue is that he won't engage at all - look at pictures, talk about it or anything. But I like all the suggestions about slowly does it. His dad is really supportive and will be able to bring him for short vist at first if that is what he needs.