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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD skipped 6th form

28 replies

Inastatus · 08/02/2022 12:48

I’ve just found out that my 17 year old DD skipped 6th form on Friday. It was her friend’s birthday (also at 6th form) and they went shopping in town instead. She is only in for the morning on Fridays but I am still annoyed that she missed 2 classes and obviously didn’t tell me. I found out because I was hoovering and found a receipt for Primark on her bedroom floor which was from Friday morning. I then checked her attendance online and sure enough she was absent on Friday.

She had a horrible rest of the weekend after a big bust up with her boyfriend and she is still very upset about it (the bust up happened on Sat so had nothing to do with her skiving off) so I don’t know what to do about my discovery. She has never skipped school before and I’m wondering if I should just turn a blind eye and not say anything on this occasion but keep an eye on her attendance going forward. School have not contacted me at all.

WWYD?

OP posts:

pumpkinpie01 · 08/02/2022 12:52

On this occasion I would just say something like ' I know you weren't in college on Friday I presume that was a one off?' See how the conversation goes , she is already upset /angry about the bf situation and is having a crap week. If you go in all guns blazing she will feel even worse and be defensive . Best to keep lines of communication open with teenagers

NewbieDivergent · 08/02/2022 12:55

Shes old enough to make these decisions and deal with the repercussions herself I think.Doesn't stop you from worrying though.
My Dd will start September and there will be financial repercussions if she doesn't attend.

Original poster

Inastatus · 08/02/2022 13:32

Thanks both. I like that approach @pumpkinpie01 - it lets her know that I know but I won’t be mad with her and hopefully it will make her think twice about doing it again.

OP posts:

pumpkinpie01 · 08/02/2022 13:53

Also like @NewbieDivergent says the repercussions will be when the teacher starts talking about topics covered in the last lesson she is just going to have to do the catching up in her own time.The teacher will have moved on they wont be going over it again, so she will just be creating herself more work.Tough bringing up teenagers but one thing I have learnt over the years is to not dive in with punishments and harsh words they have to learn a lot through their own mistakes, but be there to help and guide along the way.

Beamur · 08/02/2022 13:55

I'd leave the receipt on her bed ..
To be honest, I'd make light of it - ask her if she bought anything nice and then gently remind her not to make a habit of it. It's not that big a deal really.

Beamur · 08/02/2022 13:56

Good idea to ask if she can borrow notes/catch up with what she missed.

SprayItOnMe · 08/02/2022 14:01

@Beamur

I'd leave the receipt on her bed .. To be honest, I'd make light of it - ask her if she bought anything nice and then gently remind her not to make a habit of it. It's not that big a deal really.

Absolutely do this.

MyNumbBum · 08/02/2022 14:05

@pumpkinpie01

Yes I love this approach. I skipped 6th form a fair few times (literally to go and have sex with my then boyfriend)....I’m late 30s now and no harm done 🤪

pumpkinpie01 · 08/02/2022 14:11

@MyNumbBum that's made me laugh , imagine if you told your mum that ' oh mum back off , I much prefer sex to studying ' 😂

Snoopsnoggysnog · 08/02/2022 14:12

I guess it depends on how she is normally - usually a good student, coping ok - is she doing A levels?

I was a model student, scholarship at private school etc - and even I skipped school a few times during 6th form / went shopping / bunked off to see a boy etc / generally took time off to rest if it was all getting a bit much. I guess the latter would be classed as “taking a mental health day” now!

I didn’t make a habit of it and made sure to catch up - if she’s mature enough to do similar then you could breeze over it as others have said but I would definitely address it even if lightly.

actiongirl1978 · 08/02/2022 14:13

I was the swottiest pupil ever, head girl etc. I skipped a couple of lessons in sixth form. I just wanted to break a couple of rules for once. We went to mcds!

I would absolutely ignore it if its out of character.

BurntO · 08/02/2022 14:13

None confrontational chat with a tone of “it’s a one off, yes?” Don’t make it’s big thing.

Original poster

Inastatus · 08/02/2022 14:29

Thanks everyone.
@MyNumbBum 🤣 at least DD only went to Primark!
She is a good student generally but is finding A’levels hard. She has had the odd morning off with my blessing but this is the first time she has skipped school without telling me. I will raise it in a non-confrontational way.

OP posts:

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 08/02/2022 14:31

Remembering back to sixth form (20 odd years ago now) everyone used to skip it occasionally. I'd never mitched off school in my life, but I had the odd day off in sixth form.

As a one off, personally I wouldn't make a big deal of it. I'd just say "School got in touch to let me know you weren't in on Friday. I'd prefer if you didn't make a habit of it"

pumpkinpie01 · 08/02/2022 14:36

@Inastatus if it's any consolation my 2 found A levels tough going , my dd had to work especially hard which made the first year of Uni not seem as hard work as expected ( although depends on what degree I suppose )

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 08/02/2022 14:36

@Inastatus

Thanks everyone. *@MyNumbBum* 🤣 at least DD only went to Primark! She is a good student generally but is finding A’levels hard. She has had the odd morning off with my blessing but this is the first time she has skipped school without telling me. I will raise it in a non-confrontational way.

Sorry to post twice in quick succession but just saw the above. I breezed through GCSEs really easily and then A-Levels hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'd never struggled before so putting in the work, revising enough and most importantly actually asking for help was something I found really difficult, and one of the reasons I skipped days sometimes was because I didn't want to admit I hadn't been able to do something.

I'd still let it go this once, but its worth having a seperate conversation at some point to check she's coping. I way underachieved at A-Level because I honestly didn't know how to put the work in to succeed.

Original poster

Inastatus · 08/02/2022 14:56

@fdgdfgdfgdfg - thanks for the advice. I do check in with her from time to time and she admits it’s hard going but she is sticking with it and trying her best. There are some assessments soon followed by a progress report so we can review things then.

OP posts:

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 08/02/2022 15:06

Great stuff.

The hardest thing I found was my parents not understanding that just because I'd been straight A's up till GCSE, it didn't mean that that wouldn't change as things got harder. The dissapointment I sensed from them at two Bs and a C in my mock A-levels meant I just couldn't go to them with any difficulties.

As long as your daughter knows that she has your support no matter the result, as long as she's trying her hardest, then I'm sure she'll be fine.

Original poster

Inastatus · 08/02/2022 17:53

@fdgdfgdfgdfg that must have been a lot of pressure on you. I sometimes feel I don’t push my 2 DC’s enough but I just encourage them to try their best/hardest and to do it for themselves, not for me or anyone else.

OP posts:

Wondergirl100 · 08/02/2022 20:28

I remember getting in trouble for missing a few A level classes in a row when I was at 6th form college. It is actually burned into my memory because it made such a huge impression at the time. Instead of calling my parents the tutor just told me they were not impressed and if I did it any more I would be kicked off the course. They treated me like an adult! It was truly memorable - up until then I had been constantly told off by teachers as if I was a child.

I was a pretty badly behaved student but found my way once I realised it was my life and I was the one who would suffer if I was lazy.

I think by this age there has to be a certain level of personal responsibility .

Original poster

Inastatus · 09/02/2022 08:17

@Wondergirl100 - I agree totally about taking personal responsibility. I just wanted DD to know that I know. I did mention it to her but just said I hoped she is keeping up with the work and she assured me she is. Apparently she didn’t miss anything major on Friday - just a couple of guided study sessions and she was in by breaktime for her lessons.

OP posts:

UnsuitableHat · 09/02/2022 08:26

I work in 6th form and attendance issues are quite common. Students sometimes make judgements about what’s missable, but absence can become a habit. You sound really supportive. I suggest a gentle chat with her just so she knows you know!

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/02/2022 08:36

I skipped quite a lot of sixth form college classes and got all As (3 decades ago before grade inflation and the invention of starred grades). I skipped 40% of my sociology classes and got the first A in that subject that the college had had in several years - I did read the entire hefty text book and get practice papers out of the library instead though.

All those years ago parents were not involved in or able to check sixth form attendance as far as I'm aware.

I'm abroad and my eldest is in post compulsory education at college and is sixth form age - here it's as it was for me in the late 80s in that parents have only the oversight their children give them unless they're at a school rather than a college.

I think trust is the right way forward at 16+ with a teen who has always had good grades and rarely skips. I wouldn't personally commentat this age - mind you I also wouldn't be hoovering my 16 year old's bedroom or in there for any reason without her!

Original poster

Inastatus · 09/02/2022 11:33

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme
Mind you I also wouldn't be hoovering my 16 year old's bedroom or in there for any reason without her!
She knew I was going to hoover her room, she tidied her floordrobe specially, missed the receipt though obv!

OP posts:

UnsuitableHat · 09/02/2022 11:59

I also skived quite a lot of sixth form classes and still ended up with high grades. I happened to be naturally good at two of my subjects and that saw me through. I also became unhappy and disconnected at college as erratic attendance grew into a habit. If my parents had found out (they didn't) I'd have had a bollocking, and probably would have got myself on track. Not saying you need to be harsh with your DD, or that personal responsibility isn't involved, but I think a bit of intervention might be a good idea to nip this in the bud.

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