Our Granddaughter

[Mymum1703]

Morning everyone wondering if someone has any advice please. We have a 15 year old Grandaughter who we are all very worried about, she has gone into teenage mode big time! Addicted to her phone, don’t want to talk to any of us. She went missing last night and ended up in a town 20 miles away, wouldn’t answer her phone, turned her tracking off so her mum couldn’t see where she was her mum called the police, but she came home a couple hours later. Told her mum she doesn’t care about her, this morning her mum dropped her off school then received a phone call from the school saying she had walked straight out again! Her mum found her and took her back, we have also found out that some boy/man has photos of her and threatening to post them. It seems the police are aware if him as he has done it to others, nevertheless we are very worried. She has told our other daughter that she doesn’t like herself, he has a mentor at the school as she is classed as vulnerable! She has had her phone taken off her and is not allowed out because of all her lies, we are all worried sick about her it seems no one can get through to her about her behaviour! Any help would be appreciated thank you.

Can't offer any help or advice sorry @Mymum1703 but just wanted to offer a handhold.

Hopefully someone will be along soon

Hi @Mymum1703,

I can’t imagine how out of your minds you all are with worry and stress right now. From what you’ve said could be she be acting out from worry and anxiety via the photograph situation? Is there more going on in school? Could she be trying to escape it?

It’s hard to try and get through to teenagers, and it’s bloody hard not to give them a good telling but maybe an ‘understanding’ talk would help get through to her. I think she knows deep down it’s not good and this is why she’s acting out, maybe as a barrier to try to somehow protect herself and quite possibly the family?
Maybe just try getting to her level we’ve not all made the same mistakes, done bad things etc, but nobody has ever been perfect, so it could be a case of letting her know that there’s ways to overcome this without acting out and instead having you all get through it by her side rather her pushing you all away.

I could well be completely wrong, but it’s a suggestion?

I hope it all settles soon.

Hi Noddle2015, Sorry Not replied sooner, thank you for your reply, made a lot of sense. My husband and I picked her up from school and brought her back to our home. We mentioned all the dangers of going to places where no one knows where she is, she then went on to tell us all about this person threatening her she also said he told her he knows where she lives, sent her photo’s of her family including myself, so there is a possibility she is very worried and stressed out. She’s mentioned how she and her mother argue all the time, which is because she claims according to her mum she keeps telling lies! She’s staying with us tonight but told her mum she is bored because she doesn’t have her phone, but her mum tells us there are lots of numbers on there which has no names against them which is a worry. Think her mum is going to ask for new telephone number and to see if they can place restrictions on certain sites. I’ve told her mum to take photo’s of the numbers with no names, as the police may need to investigate to see if they are linked to this moron, Just hope he’s caught soon! Thank you again xx

Thank you Bunnyruddington. The reply from Noodle2015 made a lot of sense, keeping our fingers crossed it will be better soon. X

I can remember being a sullen teenager who engaged in risky behaviour. Vile to my DPs, drinking, smoking, older and inappropriate friends for a 16yo.

In hindsight, what I know is that I was desperately, deeply unhappy for a variety of reasons which I struggled to articulate. And no one asked me. I just kept getting told off, which resulted in me feeling more alienated and angry.

I agree that some non-judgemental kindness and time to talk might go a long way.

You are her grandmother I think? I got a bit confused reading your post when you spoke about another daughter.

I think her parents have to find a way to get her to speak to them, with a therapist maybe, they may need to develop some key skills about talking to and understanding teens. For whatever reason her self esteem has taken a dive or it may have not been great to begin with and that has created a vulnerability in her with regards to this man/boy. Building her self esteem is likely to help with this but that is a far more challenging ask than it seems because it often involves facing up to deeper more complex interactions and relationships in the family and accepting any issues that might show up.

Hi Devilmakes3, Sorry yes I am her grandmother, she is a lovely girl but quiet, this has happened when the teenager in her ivied in.. She is already seeing someone in the school, we have spoken to her and she’s fine with us and we try to say to her how she needs to have more confidence. There are three other grandchildren who are all confident in themselves albeit a bit older than her, when they are together she can’t get a word in edgeways I’m assuming because they are working and she’s at school. We have already told them to start including her to hopefully give her some confidence but we have never had any of them in this situation, we are all trying to give her as much help as we can, and yes I agree with you that maybe she needs some help from a third party. But thank you for your advice.

Thank you everyone, you have all been very kind and helpful with all your comments. I may suggest to her mum some counselling..we all just want her to be ok and happy and we are going to do our best as a family to do whatever it takes. Thanks again xx

I think it’s wonderful how caring you are and I am sure she will get through it soon with a family like you all behind her and supporting her.

Good luck to you all OP

Thank you so much that’s really kind of you. My husband and I have been married 52 years we have helped looking after our four grandchildren since they were born. So are very special to us as well as their mum’s and dad’s. Xx

I would try to get her into private counseling as soon as humanly possible, and if you can help pay for it, if her parents can't afford it, I would.

That is what we are looking into. Thank you for your advice.