Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS,16, having girlfriend staying over

45 replies

Bobcatty · 02/02/2022 19:33

I only found out last week that DS, 16, has a girlfriend. They got together at New Year and go to the same school. She's also 16.

He kind of told, rather than asked, that she'd be staying around on Friday night as they have plans on Saturday Confused

I don't know how to feel - I know teenagers will 'do it' anywhere, and I should feel pleased (?) that he's being open about it. He's also asked DH about condoms. I think it's just the speed it's all happening.

Are we being to lenient, letting this happen? It's making me cringe inside! What do other parents of 16 year olds do?

OP posts:
Trolleedollee · 03/02/2022 07:46

They’ve only been going out a month. Do people really allow boy / girlfriends of a month to stay over? And what happened to coming over in the evening and going home? They can still have safe sex if that’s what they’re going to do but it also offers some protection and doesn’t create the intensity of a sleeping over relationship?

Trolleedollee · 03/02/2022 07:47

I don’t mean protection from pregnancy but from being in a too intense relationship

ZenNudist · 03/02/2022 07:56

Told you? Nope. Just say no. Make sure he has condoms and point out to him all the babies/people you know who have been born despite use of them.

I can think of at least 3 children I know born despite condom failure (and in 2 of those cases contraceptive pill failure).

We needs to realise that a decision to have sex is a decision to make a baby and you can't guarantee against that.

Also about being committed for life co parenting with someone he doesn't really know.

I'd be meeting the other parents first. It's quite likely they aren't cool with this.

Bagelsandbrie · 03/02/2022 07:57

@Trolleedollee

They’ve only been going out a month. Do people really allow boy / girlfriends of a month to stay over? And what happened to coming over in the evening and going home? They can still have safe sex if that’s what they’re going to do but it also offers some protection and doesn’t create the intensity of a sleeping over relationship?
I agree.
MissNothing1991 · 03/02/2022 07:59

I'd probably be checking her parents are happy with this outcome first. I'd not be delighted with the situation, but given what I was like at that age, I'd also be of the thought at least you know where they are and that they are taking precautions!!

TheWaterNokk · 03/02/2022 08:11

My parents were an utter nightmare about this sort of thing.

We were raised really to believe that sex = bad. Only once married. Discussions of sex were simply not a thing. We had separate rooms from boyfriends in their house until we were engaged 🙄

They were trying to keep us on the straight and narrow, no teen pregnancies etc and clearly didn’t want us doing it in the house (never would have dreamed of it anyway). But. Now my attitude to sex is so fucked up. I am married with two kids and I still feel like I’m doing something wrong every single time.

So I won’t raise my girls that way.

But…no I wouldn’t allow this. Too young. Too much too soon.

thebigpurpleone · 03/02/2022 08:33

One thing if they'd been together a while but a month? What happens when he has a new girlfriend and she wants to stay etc etc etc.

Toanewstart22 · 03/02/2022 08:35

No to staying over
No ifs or buts
Just no

Fine from 18 onwards but 16 just too young

Toanewstart22 · 03/02/2022 08:36

And I would never ever ever allow my 16 year old dd to stay over

mdh2020 · 03/02/2022 08:37

30 years ago we said yes, with the agreement of the girl’s parents and after a serious conversation about contraception and the effect that a pregnancy would have on both their lives. You can’t stop them having sex and they might as well be safe and comfortable.

PugInTheHouse · 05/02/2022 10:08

At 16 I would be ok with this but would expect to be asked first and also would have wanted to meet her first. At 18 I wouldn't expect to have met them first but I would still expect discretion and consideration. I am quite laid back around this sort of thing, as were my parents however I expect my DCs to be thoughtful and considerate of us and am pretty strict about that.

If my DS was 16 and GF only 15 then it would be 100% no.

Bayleaf25 · 05/02/2022 15:06

It’s another no here (but maybe I’m a Victorian parent). DS had girlfriend stay over from 18. DD who is 16 luckily isn’t in a sexual relationship yet (she’s very open with me).

BunnyRuddington · 05/02/2022 16:42

We've been in a similar position recently. I had a long chat with him about consent and offered to buy condoms. He said no need as he'd already bought them.

I'd have let her stay but would have had a chat about consent, things like just because she's starting your bed doesn't automatically mean that she will have sex.

Andi2020 · 05/02/2022 20:28

Well did you let her stay.
I let my dd from age 17 she is 18.5 now they stay at each others house Friday and Sat night if she not working late.
At least you know where they are. If you say Jo and get parents agree and he just says he is going to stay there what will you do then.
Personally I think it should be at girls house first so her parents know what is going on without you having to contact them.

ParkheadParadise · 05/02/2022 20:32

He told you ??
He wouldn't be telling me.
I'd ground him 😂😂😂😂

Original poster
Bobcatty · 05/02/2022 20:53

Thank you all for your comments. I must admit, I expected a lot more negative responses.

Yes, she did stay in the end. It was all a little odd, and we didn't even really meet her Confused but it was fine but it's just not how I'd imagined and, as I said, it all moved a lot quicker than I would of ever anticipated. At the end of the day though, DS was open and honest and I am pleased he felt comfortable enough with us to do this (I would of rather eaten my own face at 16 than spoke to my parents about S-E-X Blush)

OP posts:
Youonlyhaveonelife · 05/02/2022 21:18

Was separate rooms here for sometime. And I was very clear that it was No until he’d been allowed to stay at hers. Do think girl’s parents need to be in agreement.
We also had a very frank conversation about condoms not being effective contraception but needed for STIs, I.e. 2 forms of contraception needed.

Bin85 · 06/02/2022 08:29

Condoms alone are not enough.

babyphoebe · 06/02/2022 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

katieatietwo · 25/08/2022 23:33

my ds brought his girlfriend to stay this weekend, quite gruggly by my standards, hits us all hard to see our kids growing up but it is natural if a little gruggly xx hope ur ok

New posts on this thread. Refresh page