Phone monitoring apps?

[undermywonderpants]

DSS is 15 and completely unwilling to self-regulate his phone use.

He's on it 24/7 unless DP physically takes it off him (doesn't help that he's also in his first relationship and his girlfriend's parents basically leave her home alone all the time, so she's permanently online too)

He's also recently become incredibly unreliable about coming home at agreed times, and has messed his mum about on multiple occasions telling her he's in one place and going far, far beyond his usual limits of distance.

Lots to figure out and work on, and there's a lot happening in everyone's lives at the moment that makes this an extra-stressful situation (I don't want to drip feed but also won't bore you with all the details here)

All of which is just some context to say: DP and DSS's mum are looking into those apps where you can lock the phone after an agreed time (say 11pm) and see where each another are.

Does anyone have any particular recommendations?

What makes it a bit more complicated is that there's practically zero normal phone coverage at DP's flat, so if DP is out at work (he works evenings) he can only get in touch with DSS if DSS has internet access.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions / experiences

My experience is if you do this he will hate you and it will push him further from you. He has to learn to self regulate. If he gets up for school on time and has given you no reason to distrust him then I would leave it. If he is too tired in the day he will learn himself to get to bed earlier. It's all part of becoming an adult.

Thanks @cherrypie66 – I wish this were just about him being tired at school.

He's given his parents plenty of reason not to trust him and it's getting to quite a concerning point on a number of levels.

Normally I'd completely agree with you on learning to self-regulate, but we're a bit past that point right now and until we're out of a danger zone, his parents need to be more hands-on about things. Not forever, but until he's able to engage his brain and his code of ethics again.

If he holds up his end of agreements, he has loads of freedom to do what he wants. But he doesn't, and the impact isn't just on him, so while he's 'learning' to self-regulate, there also need to be some consequences and safety nets in place.

In that case then yes he needs someone to step in. Take the phone at night and give back in the morning then there's no way around it

@cherrypie66

In that case then yes he needs someone to step in. Take the phone at night and give back in the morning then there's no way around it

Oh my goodness there's an idea that hasn't ever crossed our minds...

Does anyone have an answer to the question I actually asked?

We use qustodio

Qustodio here too
@mylittlefidget do you pay for premium? I can't decide whether to go for it?

I think we did end up paying for it because we were going to put it on 2-3 different devices. For now it's just on my daughter's phone, but it works well. BUT it does block settings, so she wasn't happy about not being able to connect/ disconnect Bluetooth etc. If I remember correctly, they do (or did) a free 7d trial

Safe Lagoon App

Iphone family settings lets you do this. Qustudio gives the teens the rage as it blocks vpns.

I used Google family link on Android. My 15yr old wouldn't sleep if his phone didn't have a bedtime.

iPhone lets you turn off apps at "downtime" but allows calls to still come through should you wish.

We also use family link, but at his age, Google allow him to have full access and override if he wants.

Has his dad checked with him- he may actually want his parents to be the 'bad guys' and help him manage this better?