DD drifting away from me

[Veryunsettled]

That’s it really and it’s really upsetting me.
She’s 16 and her dad and I split up when she was 9. She’s had regular contact with her dad ever since. Her dad just lets her get on with things, no rules, asking questions, no consequences if she does anything wrong. I’m not super strict at all but do believe in DD being honest about what she’s doing, being polite and letting me know where’s she’s going and who with etc. After a recent incident where DD lied to me about something (and I was very upset with her - her dad wasn’t interested) I feel DD is preferring to be with her dad as she knows there are no consequences for anything there.
No point in talking to her dad about it as he’ll just say DDisn’t a little child anymore. I know she’s growing up and don’t want to restrict her unnecessarily but do believe in values and consequences due breaking trust, etc.
I’ve always tried to do my best for her and am excited about her growing up and her future. I just feel like I’m losing her now 😞
Any thoughts?

Meant to add while DD had seen her dad regularly, he has no interest /involvement in any school issues, friends, medical stuff and other normal parenting things. He also chose to move 1.5 hours from us so he could have a bigger house.

It's not losing her, she's growing up
and making her own choices.
What on earth upset you that much?

@OnaBegonia it just feels that she wants me to change to be like her dad - but I don’t agree with being that sort of parent,

It's so tough you have my empathy.. my DD is 13 and barely speaks to me at the moment but I know in time she'll come back to me. I was a nightmare teen but my Mam stuck by me and we had a good relationship as I got older. I would keep communicating with her make sure she knows she can come back but unfortunately you just have to ride this one out veryunsettled

I think to some extent, being too strict can be counterproductive at this age. I’m not suggesting that you are but I think parents can inevitably end up backed into a corner.

If you’re issuing consequences due to a loss of trust, these consequences won’t make her start to be honest and open, they will make her lie even more. Much better to relax a bit and try to reach a compromise.

It's finding a balance, I'm on my 4th teenager and am far more lenient with her. Going the strict domineering route will only push her away.
No teenager is going to confide everything or ask permission and yes they lie. Don't put your expectations for a child on a 16 yr old, she could be out working full
time or leave home, give her own space to make mistakes.

Don't change OP, stick with your values. Adapt them a little for dd as she gets older, show her you trust her more, that you know she is no longer a child. BUT, when something goes wrong, it will still be you picking up the pieces and going to her rescue, not your ex,
Kids aren't daft, so stay consistent and show her that your values matter.

@BrambleRoses thank you, I’m not Ivey strict at all . She says there nothing at the moment she wants to do that she can’t. The only consequence of her recent lie was me getting angry/upset and then a calmer chat - I probably should have stayed calmer. It’s just such a kick in the teeth when she lies as her dad is a compulsive liar and it terrifies me she could end up the same - I know that’s probably ott.
There was no grounding, taking her phone away or anything which I know some parents do.

@MintJulia thank you 😊