Team Sport

[despondentatwork]

My shy socially anxious 14yo is pretty good at a team sport. Has had time off recently due to injury, but is back at it now. There's a match tomorrow, which I agreed to them going to via the parent's app. They are desperate for players as lots of the team are off with Covid. Didn't think there'd be an issue, but she's really upset today that I agreed and says she's not going.... Feel bad for not discussing it with her, but I'd really like her to go & promised I'll never take it for granted she'll go again. She has form for this type of thing, though & whilst I do understand, & I'm being as supportive, sympathetic & understanding as I can, I'm also cross that she's ok with letting the team down. I think they'll have to cancel if she says she's not going. WWYD?

I would tell her for this match, whilst you apologise for saying yes on her behalf, she is now obligated and it would not be fair to let them down. After that I would sit her down and discuss if she wants to continue being part of the team. Just because you are good at something doesnt mean you have to do it.

She is 14 and while you should encourage her and work with her to overcome her social anxiety, forcing or coercing her is likely to backfire on you and exacerbate her problems.

Do not put the pressure on her, or feel cross with her, that she is letting the team down, she wasn't the one that committed. At 14 she should be allowed to make these decisions herself.

Thx both of you...I appreciate your responses. I didn't make her go. My mistake this time. I did my best to encourage her, and I'm disappointed she chose not to. But; we've agreed that she'll decide whether to play the matches but she'll have to participate in some. She knows none of her close team buddies are going this time & that plus her recent short term absence have decreased her confidence and it'll take a while for her to regain that. I should have considered that. I feel so terrible about letting the team down, though. God this parenting lark is hard for me!! Wish I had my husband's nonchalance!!!!