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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old daughter, 16 year old boy. Advice Please !

26 replies

CeltictigerMum · 28/01/2022 15:34

Hi all, we have a dilemma. My daughter, year 10, age 14, (youngest in her year, August baby )met a boy of 16 ( friend of a friend of hers )when the group went bowling a few weeks ago . They now want to meet up together for a walk and chat , around the area we live in. Date is set, a couple of weeks time, for a couple of hours . They are going to have a hot chocolate and walk and chat very near to where we live . My daughter is fairly naive and has no experience of relationships with boys, and at present has no friends as such who are boys that she would see socially. We know very little about the boy, he goes to a different school, different area. Do you think we are crazy to let her go ? Happy if it stays friendly, but what if she falls for him ? Big difference in age at that age ! I'm quite worried, but at the same time want her to socialise with boys and have fun, and relationships. All part of growing up. Anyone any advice or experience with this please? All we know is his name , the area he lives, school he goes to, what his interests are.

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 28/01/2022 16:15

It sounds fine to me. I take it he's in year 11? It was always completely normal when I was at school for people to go out with someone from the year above or below.

I think it sounds like a lovely date!

BunnyRuddington · 28/01/2022 16:32

The bit about her having no friends is the only thing that worries me. Do you think she's a little vulnerable?

irregularegular · 28/01/2022 16:35

I think it is fine to let her go and it would be really sad if this sort of normal 14 year old behaviour was prevented by concerned parents. Just have a chat about where they should/shouldn't go and when she should be back.

blyn72 · 28/01/2022 16:38

As long as you have talked to her about boy/girl relationships, I think it is fine and normal.

idril · 28/01/2022 16:42

If he's year 11, I'd be fine with that. If he's year 12 and nearing 17, I'd be a bit more reluctant. Sounds very sweet.

Sausagedogsarethebest · 28/01/2022 16:53

My DD was 13 when she started meeting up with her bf who was then 15. They've just celebrated their 7 year 'anniversary' and still very much in love. Fortunately he's a nice sensible lad and I've never had any worries about him.

Definitely sit with her and have a gentle talk about relationships, body autonomy and her right to say no to anything she's not comfortable with.

Original poster
CeltictigerMum · 28/01/2022 16:58

@BunnyRuddington

The bit about her having no friends is the only thing that worries me. Do you think she's a little vulnerable?
No, she has plenty of friends, just none who are boys really .
OP posts:
LumosSolem · 28/01/2022 17:00

I wouldn't class that as a big age difference at that age- she's likely more mature than him anyway.

It's fairly standard IMO and exactly what I was doing at 14. When I was 14/15 I was seeing lads who were 16/17. And then when I was 16 I was seeing a 24 year old (that, on the other hand, really was inappropriate- although I ended up in a relationship with him for 5 years).

I agree with PP advice about consent, relationships, autonomy etc. And contraception. Pill (or ideally implant or another form of LARC) PLUS condoms- always.

LittleKitten1 · 28/01/2022 17:04

Sounds fine to me. And very normal.
Didn't you start doing this sort of thing at 14? Interacting with boys for a little 'date'. I know I did.

Don't over think and complicate this - you're lucky she has told you TBH.

SpeedRunParent · 28/01/2022 17:07

I think it sounds fine. As long as you have had good chats with her about consent and staying in public places then it sounds like a lovely occasion. I hope she has a lovely time.

Artesia · 28/01/2022 17:09

@LittleKitten1

Sounds fine to me. And very normal. Didn't you start doing this sort of thing at 14? Interacting with boys for a little 'date'. I know I did.

Don't over think and complicate this - you're lucky she has told you TBH.

This. Your post brought back lots of fond memories of teenage dating! I think this sounds totally fine, and as a PP said, doesn’t sound an unusual age gap.
Ohyesiam · 28/01/2022 17:14

Just keep the lines of communication open with her and trust the job you’ve done as parents.
As she gets to go out more Talk to her about really sticking with stuff she feels comfortable with, and talk through options for if she doesn’t. My kids have a signal that they text a single X if they are out and feel at all uncomfortable. I will call them with an invented family crisis and collect them. Never had to use it but it’s good to have it set up.

RosiePosieDozy · 28/01/2022 17:16

Absolutely fine. Let her go. It's really good that she's talking to you about it.

gogohm · 28/01/2022 17:22

If he's year 11 I wouldn't worry, if he's 6th form then perhaps be more wary. My dd at 15/16 dated a 17/18 year old 2 years ahead, same school

Original poster
CeltictigerMum · 28/01/2022 17:28

@LittleKitten1

Sounds fine to me. And very normal. Didn't you start doing this sort of thing at 14? Interacting with boys for a little 'date'. I know I did.

Don't over think and complicate this - you're lucky she has told you TBH.

Yes, I did ! Suppose it's just that we don't know him, I'm sure he's lovely. Like you all say it's good she's told us, have had chats about relationships with her. Will reinforce those ideas again.
OP posts:
Original poster
CeltictigerMum · 28/01/2022 17:29

@Ohyesiam

Just keep the lines of communication open with her and trust the job you’ve done as parents. As she gets to go out more Talk to her about really sticking with stuff she feels comfortable with, and talk through options for if she doesn’t. My kids have a signal that they text a single X if they are out and feel at all uncomfortable. I will call them with an invented family crisis and collect them. Never had to use it but it’s good to have it set up.
This is a great idea, will definitely use this !
OP posts:
Original poster
CeltictigerMum · 28/01/2022 17:30

@gogohm

If he's year 11 I wouldn't worry, if he's 6th form then perhaps be more wary. My dd at 15/16 dated a 17/18 year old 2 years ahead, same school
Year 11
OP posts:
Yika · 28/01/2022 17:31

Totally fine in my view. Good luck!

mumofblu · 28/01/2022 23:14

Could he pick her up from your house then say a friendly hi before they go off
My Dd met a lad we didn't know from different area so before she went we said he had to pick her up from our house which he did . Just made us feel a little more comfortable.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2022 23:17

CeltictigerMum

Yes, I did ! Suppose it's just that we don't know him, I'm sure he's lovely.”

Easily remedied. Have him pick her up and invite him in to say hello or have him come in when their walk is done.

Original poster
CeltictigerMum · 29/01/2022 07:30

Yes, the plan is for him to pick her up from the house, so fingers crossed he'll be lovely !

OP posts:
QuizzicalEyebrows · 30/01/2022 00:40

What's weird is that it's all so organised and for 2 weeks time

BestZebbie · 30/01/2022 01:37

That sounds lovely - they will be in public and it sounds like you do have quite a bit of info on him, she will have lots of fun (at least as much in the anticipation and recall as on the walk!).

Original poster
CeltictigerMum · 30/01/2022 08:17

@QuizzicalEyebrows

What's weird is that it's all so organised and for 2 weeks time
How is that weird ? Busy kids, sport, family, friends things on. Not weird at all !
OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2022 12:26

QuizzicalEyebrows

What's weird is that it's all so organised and for 2 weeks time“

Not weird at all. Kids haven’t been able to live “normal” lives for nearly two years now.

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