Is it just pointless getting them to deal with their rooms?

[WhiteCatmas]

Hi!
DS is 15. His room is a pit. He doesn’t throw anything out. His floor is covered in clothes, food packets, crumbs and plates.
His rooms has a similar style to the way it was when he was 11. It even has some childish stickers on the walls. I have offered to paint it with him. I am hiring a decorator for the rest of the house and have offered to have his room done too.
He does nothing.
Nothing at all.
WTAF can I do?

I gave him a bag each for landfill, recycling and charity shop.
He filled each bag with a couple of things, then they joined the pit.

I think it's a pretty standard way teens challenge parents + they genuinely don't get any pleasure from a clean tidy room vs a smelly pit.

I drew the line at plates/cups/mould etc but other than that just shut the door and let them get on with it.

Interestingly, grown up DD had to come back to live with us for a bit. She got quite cross - her room reverted to a teen dump. "FGS" she said "when I was flatsharing I was the stressy tidy one but now I'm home I've reverted to teen slum what is that all about". She's now moved out and has reverted to tidy again.

I have a messy teen with a pigsty of a room too. He likes it that way and seems to function and know where things are, but I insist on a tidy up every so often, usually in a school holiday so he can't say he doesn't have time. I do it with him and go in there and give him a binbag, collect anything for charity shop/wash and get everything off the floor so we can do a clean. I tell him it's OK to be messy but you have to deal with actual dirt so it needs a clean and hoover. He also has to bring out all cups/dishes/food when I nag him to and he's got better at doing that.

Mine will go along with this and help clean and hoover, but if he refused then I'd switch off the internet and tell him it would go back on when room was done. He knows I would so that's probably why he doesn't push it!

I think you have to be a bit proactive, not just nag. Tell him in advance what day it's happening. Talk him through what needs doing, show him how etc. Being tidy and organised comes naturally to me but both my DC (DS and DD so I'm not saying it's a male thing) are naturally messy and feel outfaced by tidying up a huge mess. I have to break it down for them and help them - it does gradually sink and in and they're getting better.

My ds gets £30 a month allowance. He doesn't get it (or it's reduced) if he doesn't do the basics.
So leave the bathroom/kitchen tidy after he's been in there, keep his room tidy and no hoarding dirty laundry and dishes in his room!

It seems to work and he interestingly now seems to have more pride in how his room looks and it generally looks clean and tidy everyday now.

I actually do it because I'd hate ds to grow up thinking it's acceptable to live like a slob!
As a student I lived with so many people who seemed literally clueless about just the basics required to keep a home clean and tidy and you only have to look on here to see the amount of women who are living with men who seem incapable of pulling their weight around the home!

No food or drink in his room for a start. Aside from that I would leave him to it.

I never went into my teens rooms if I could help it , I found it offensive! They never had food in their rooms and did bring down gangs of mugs when asked.They grow out of it ime.

Mine have never been allowed to eat in their rooms.
Now the older two are 16 and 14 they very occasionally ask to if there's a reason (usually that the 11 year old has a friend they find annoying over to be honest) and I let them, always stating that if the plate or whatever is still in their room tomorrow they won't be allowed to again. DH and I don't ever eat in our room, so we're not hypocrites.

That avoids the worst of the teen-pit problem IME. Combined with absolutely sticking to the rule that you never, ever retrieve dirty laundry from their rooms even if you think they'll have nothing clean. Only stuff in the wash basket gets washed. My middle one does sometimes drop laundry on his floor, but he clears it within a few days and knows nobody else will.

Whether their rooms are tidy beyond that is their own problem. My eldest was messy until she was about 12 but her room now is an absolute thing of beauty- probably the most "designed" and immaculate room in the house. My 14 year old moved to a smaller room at 13 and it helped massively - the big room looked like a beach with flotsam washed up around the walls but he keeps the small room moderately tidy - not perfect but pretty reasonable.

There seems to be two issues- decorating and tidying.
Decorating - I'll show my teen some ideas eg different types of lights; different units. Or I'll tell him, he has to choose some bedside cabinets and send me the links. Sometimes he'll just randomly ask for stuff eg certain posters; flags, etc. Then I order it.
Tidying - once per week, I go in with black bags and help him pick up rubbish. I open the blinds and the windows too. Whilst I'm doing that, he takes any plates or cups downstairs. Then I hand him a duster or cleaning wipes and he has to wipe down the furniture.
We're just in the middle of redecorating his room just now and he picked a colour scheme; a cover for the sofa; vinyl to recover his book case etc. I told him if he didn't pick then I would.

My DS is almost 14.

Not allowed any food in his room, only drinks, and I make him bring any cups/glasses out as soon as he's up in the mornings.

Always had to put his own clothes away after washing, although sometimes he will leave them in the clean basket - so I just take his PS4 controllers when he's not there! He soon sorts it out when he wants them back.

I won't Hoover and mop the floors if they aren't tidy - if they don't get done he's not allowed any friends in. As only allowed friends in if his room is clean and tidy.

He's pretty good.

My problem is my girls who are 8 & 9 - they are an absolute nightmare at keeping their room tidy!!!

I'm not going to say my way is the right way, but I've just been closing the door on DSs' (now 18 & 20) for more than a decade now.

They are expected to pick up after themselves and contribute to housework in the rest of the house but their bedrooms are their business. I don't ever go in there, what you don't know can't hurt you

• for nearly a decade. I did clean for them when they were tiny!

They don’t care. So tie it to allowance / screen time
Dirty clothes in was daily
Plates into dishwasher (daily ish)
Once a week - rubbish in bins, clean clothes back in wardrobe, plates in dishwasher, strip bed when asked
Or no 💰
Don’t try and reason just bribe and fine