I need advice badly regarding my 18 year old

[Babadeo]

I'm at my wits end and so down and depressed and I don't know what to do. My daughter turned 18 October last year (2021) we had a bit of a row on her birthday resulting in her running out and telling me she hates me, the usual crap. Lots of texts back and forth she informs me she's not coming back. No problem. She's been at her boyfriends and friends since then. Briefly comes home at Christmas, her attitude towards Me stinks. She's on the verge of being kicked out of college, not contributing to the household. Never respects my request to help with chores. She's up all night then in bed all day missing college. I tell her if things don't change She's out. Then I get the 'your kicking me out ' sympathy card. She cares about no one but herself and all she's bothered about is her bf. She's worn out her welcome there now so is back home. When it suits where she continues to speak to me like something she's stepped in. I want her out of the house as I also have a 9 year old and this is making me ill. I'm desperate for advice and help from people please please help 🙏

You need to make it clear that she's 18 and therefore is an adult. You love her and care for her but legally you don't have to provide a home for her. You need to put your younger child and your mental health first.

Be strong and give her a date to move out. The objective is to shock her into realising that she needs to act like an adult and change her behaviour if she wants to continue to live at home. It sounds like she's not the reasonable type and will continue to argue and make trouble. Refuse to engage and keep repeating the date she needs to leave.

I really hope she comes to her senses

Thank you for the advice. It's just a relief to know I'm not alone. I honestly can't see her ever being any different

That sounds really awful and I'm not surprised you are feeling so upset by your daughters behaviour. Is there anyone else who could help you? Her Dad, grandparents or other friends or family? Is there anywhere else she could stay?
Are there any things that give you any control over her? Do you pay for her phone or give her money? What about the Wi-fi? Is there anything you can use to bargain with her?