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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What age did you buy your child a phone?

46 replies

dangerrabbit · 23/01/2022 13:08

DD is in Y6 and many of her classmates are starting to get phones. I work with teenagers with behavioural issues and see the negative impact of phones which makes me want to hold off until she is older. However DP disagrees and thinks I have an unrealistic view of teenagers due to working with those experiencing difficulties and wants me to seek advice from the parents of a broader range of teens as the majority of our friends have same age or younger kids.

What age did you buy your child a phone? Now your child is older, what age would you have bought your child a phone at and what do you recommend to parents of tweenagers?

OP posts:

Justwingingit2005 · 23/01/2022 13:09

All mine got theirs just before year 7 as it the week before.

RedCandyApple · 23/01/2022 13:10

Yes my year 6 has a phone, no sim though it’s used as a replacement for her tablet as it was rubbish and slow.

ReadtheFT · 23/01/2022 13:11

Once they're 14 probably, meantime i gave them a nokia dumb phone to use when they're out by themselves

SantaMonicaPier · 23/01/2022 13:12

Both Y6 when walking to school on their own. They have iPhones, which a few years I would have scoffed at - but most of their friends are on Apple too so much easier for them to be included in group messages and calls etc. I'm on Apple too so quick and easy to check their locations. We bought their phones second hand to minimise the cost

Imissmoominmama · 23/01/2022 13:12

When he started high school and had a 10 mile bus ride and lots of sports clubs after school.

MsChatterbox · 23/01/2022 13:12

Disclaimer: my oldest is 4 so I have no idea if I will achieve this but my goal is quite a bit later than the average. However I realise reality is quite a bit different! ...

www.waituntil8th.org/why-wait

Phillipa12 · 23/01/2022 13:14

Start of the summer term in year 6.

Itonlytakesonetree · 23/01/2022 13:15

Mine got an old one of mine in y6. She was not allowed access to any SM until y7 and then only what's app.

QuestionsorComments · 23/01/2022 13:17

When they went to secondary school, but they're adults now and I realise things are different now.

What I did do and what was one of the good parenting decisions I made was implement a rule right from the beginning that they never went upstairs. No phones in bedrooms. If there is "stuff" going on with friends you need to know they can escape/switch off from it and you also need to know they won't be on their phones all night.

Original poster

dangerrabbit · 23/01/2022 13:26

Thanks everybody! I came across this article about the tech developers not gettig phones for their own children until their turned 16, which increased my concern: m.independent.ie/life/family/parenting/the-tech-moguls-who-invented-social-media-have-banned-their-children-from-it-37494367.html

However, if we buy our children a phone when they start secondary, presumably it's easier to set boundaries with the phone early than when they are older? Those who got your kids phones at the start of Y7, would you make that same decision now?

OP posts:

MaizeAmaze · 23/01/2022 13:27

DS2 has one now, aged 10, in Y6. He is walking to school by himself, and perhaps once a week letting himself into an empty house. I like him to be able to message me if there is a problem - due to my job I cant always answer a call, but can usually pick up a message within 5/10 mins.
It's not new tho - it's one of our old ones.
DS1 got a new (old) phone as lockdown hit in Y6. He got bought one start of Y8.
I need to know the password, and they get left downstairs overnight.

Tee20x · 23/01/2022 13:30

I got mine in year 5 when I started walking to and from school. It was an old one and literally couldn't do anything apart from send texts. I got my first phone with internet and whatnot when I was in year 7/8.

Aworldofmyown · 23/01/2022 13:35

Just before year 7. She has Tik Tok and Snapchat, but those apps are also logged in on my phone, so I can check them. I do randomly check her phone, too.
The videos some of her friends post on tik tok are 😲

QuestionsorComments · 23/01/2022 13:36

@dangerrabbit

Yes, I did some esafety training recently and they were very anti banning anything, rather introducing it gradually in a controlled way.

They likened it to always keeping a child away from cliff edges and then setting them lose at 16/18 without ever teaching the dangers of cliffs or how to walk them safely.

Etinoxaurus · 23/01/2022 13:41

Start of secondary school. Which for dds was year 7 and 9 for DS.
From the start find friends enabled and I battled keeping them downstairs for as long as possible. They’ve all left home now but very chatty- I can see on messager they don’t use them past ‘bedtime’ so I think it worked out ok.

DramaAlpaca · 23/01/2022 13:42

At the start of secondary school here.

Parker231 · 23/01/2022 13:45

The summer before high school as they were going to be getting the Tube to school on their own with different after school clubs.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 23/01/2022 13:49

We've just bought our DD one for her 11th birthday. She's walking to school 3 mornings a week and has started going into town with her friends on a weekend. It's more a safety thing for us. She enjoys speaking to her friends on it but it's not attached to her!

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 23/01/2022 13:49

Access to a dumb phone from 9 when we were anywhere busy or at swimming galas where we'd need to meet up afterwards.

Her own smart phone for her 12th birthday. She had a laptop bought during lockdown and used Skype with friends so it wasn't that different really. I noticed that she wasn't speaking online with them once they started high school and it was because they'd moved to WhatsApp and didn't think I'd let her have it due to the age rating. She's mature and I'm far more concerned for her social skills and being isolated than her posting inappropriate things. Although I can't stop her from being exposed to things beyonputting parental controls on it. I check her phone and messaging regularly and all appears well. Phone is in the kitchen for charging at night.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/01/2022 13:50

The best time is when they need it for a specific purpose.

My DD got hers for her 10th birthday. It stays at home, or goes with her to grandparents etc (only works on WiFi as it has no money on it). As she starts to go out more with friends we will add credit to if for calls and texts, then when she needs it a contract. Its just an old phone of mine.

She has strict rules... she has to ask before giving her number to a friend, or adding a friend, and I check the chat each week (mostly pictures of each others pets). She told me immediately when she got a message from an unknown number.

I have a firm belief that banning things outright leads to secrecy. Especially at Secondary, I'd be worried about a secret phone.

TansySorrel · 23/01/2022 13:53

10 and I don't regret it now they are 14 and 17. It's not caused problems

WhatsMyNameGonnaBeNow · 23/01/2022 14:11

DD now 12 got a phone at 11 as will DS. We have a parental control app and we’re strict about what she can and can’t have on the phone. That was explained and agreed with her before getting it, also that DH and I can check it at any time, that it’s left downstairs at night and is put away at mealtimes/when we have guests.

She does grumble a bit occasionally that some of her friends have no rules at all around their phone usage, apps, SM (and I don’t think she’s exaggerating tbh) but tech is an area where I’m definitely not going to be swayed by what other parents allow as I just know too many who are oblivious to the dangers of unsupervised access to the internet.

I agree with pp that banning isn’t the answer. These things didn’t exist when I was a child but they are an ordinary part of life now. Better to introduce it at an age when you can still influence and monitor their activity and educate them around internet safety than wait until they’re OMG get out of my life, you know NOTHING teens!

Nonivknamesforcatapillars · 23/01/2022 19:18

They both had old phones without working SIM cards to play games on and stuff from about 9. But got their proper phones just around the time they started secondary school. That was pretty normal then. Though these days 7 year olds seem to have better phones than I do!

Passthecake30 · 23/01/2022 19:22

Year 6, to be able to take phone numbers of friends to keep in touch with before the big secondary move.

HairyDad · 28/01/2022 16:23

The "tradition" with my ex-step kids was get them a phone in year 6 to get them used to the responsibility, so they then take it to school in year 7 secondary school. Data caps and safe searches on etc. My son (9) has a phone now, but it doesn't have a SIM. He just uses it for games and chatting on Dischord, which isn't often. But he is sensible. I think for anything like this you have to judge by maturity and trustworthiness rather than age

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