Teen - what happens at 18?

[ViewoverAtlantis]

My very nearly 16 year old dc does nothing to help. I'm cutting them some slack at the moment because GCSE's are fast approaching. Dc's attitude is...well it's your job to clean/shop etc. basically relinquishing all responsibility for helping in any small way and I don't ask them to do much just chip in from time to time with small tasks such as helping to put the shopping away.

DC is very self obsessed (natural for teenagers I get it) and I was probably the same at this age but I have friends with teenagers who seem to be more co-operative and carry out chores etc. (I have offered pocket money but due to inconsistency it is difficult to see this as being justified = too much effort on dcs part).

At 18 I went to university and became far more independent. I realised what it was to do my own cooking, washing etc. and also realised just how much my mother did in terms of housekeeping etc. then started to take more responsibility for myself. DC is saying everything is my job - to clean, to shop etc. Fair enough but at 18 I will expect dc to start looking after themselves. I've had enough of their attitude and being totally self obsessed. DC is bigger than me now but still has a teenage brain and I forget this and expect them to be more adult like.

Anyone feel similar? What do you expect of your teen of a similar age?

And 'focusing on education' is absolutely important, but doing the dishes and tidying up after yourself is hardly an exhausting distraction. Nobody hears:

"I failed my exams because my mum made me take the bins out twice a week"

Oh apologies - see it’s a DD! Still no excuse - she should be helping out just as much as a DS. You’re doing her no favours 🤷‍♀️.

Chores are actually a good way to clear your mind from study. They use a different part of the brain and "clear the cobwebs away" which makes it easier when you go back to studying to absorb and retain info. Especially more physical chores that get the blood pumping!

When I went back to uni when at home studying I used to do 45 mins of study (as after that you apparently stop retaining stuff) and then break to stick a load of laundry on or do the dishes or wipe the table down or whatever then when I came back to studying I was "reset"

My mum used to make my sister take the dog a walk mid study as otherwise she'd get so absorbed she'd study for 2-4 hours without a break and forget to eat/drink too but when parents asked her about what she'd just been reading she realised she hadn't taken it in fully.

When the dog walking thing was started she found she was doing a lot better retaining info.

My 15 year old does all the wiping up, 2/3 of the vacuuming, puts the bins out and brings them in, does half of putting the washing out, puts his own clothes away, strips and makes his own bed, prepares food when it's just for him, and helps with chopping veg or similar if asked.

I need to teach DS to cook a few things like a pot of chilli to get by as an adult. He can fry an egg, do cheese on toast, pesto pasta, assemble a wrap, things like that. I load the washing machine as it makes more sense to put our clothes in together, though that's easy enough to learn. He can wash up but doesn't like it and won't use gloves so washes in lukewarm water and then when I dry up it's all cold and wet so I prefer to do all the washing up!