teens and 'family time'

[wingsandstrings]

I'm trying to work out how realistic it is to schedule 'family time' at the weekends with a DS14. He is quite social with friends and girlfriend, has weekend sport, and loves to game online. With no intervention his entire weekend time would, every week, be split between these activities. However I try and schedule one thing a weekend to do together as a family (we also have DD11), for example a board-game before dinner, or today we went out for breakfast and then for a walk. DS mostly seems to enjoy this time when actually in it, and in general we have a really good relationship with not too much conflict. However finding time together can be tricky as he has so much else he wants to do and 'family time' is understandably not a priority for a 14 year old boy . . .. so he gets cross when I say 'well can you be home at x so we can have a meal together this weekend' or 'please don't arrange anything between 4pm and 6pm on x day so we can do x together'. And if he's pushed for time to do homework or something he'll always blame family time . . . . . "if I hadn't had to spend a couple of hours playing that boring board game" etc. Anyway, I think it's good for family dynamics and our relationships to spend a couple of hours al together at the weekend. And how else do you maintain a bond with your teen? But I am realistic, teens tend to much prefer to spend time with mates than with parents and little sister. Everything within them is telling them to seperate from us. I'm in a quandry, it is a source of conflict but without it I think he won't really feel a secure part of the family and in the long term he might regret not spending any time with us. Thoughts please??? How do weekends work with your teens? Do you 'force' them to spend time with you?

No need to make it prescriptive, just let things take their natural course and take it day by day OP. Getting out walking is another way to get time together (via a McDonald's or ice cream parlour, something that might appeal to a teenager!).

Family time with my teens is around food and meal times, films and tv boxsets, the occasional trip to visit family or have a day out in school holidays and holidays.

This post is such a coincidence as I was thinking this exact same thing on my train home from work today.

My eldest teen dd I'm very close to as we share a lot of the same likes/tv etc and she will seek me out to chat in the evenings and my youngest child is still quite hands on but my teen ds has a tendency to drift off to do all the things you mention op.

I find that taking him to various sporting activities gives us a chance to catch up.
We usually get to eat dinner together 2/3 times a week and that sometimes at the weekend I'll find an activity we all like doing e.g last weekend we nipped to the local pub for an hour in the afternoon for their nice desserts.
Meant everyone still had loads of time to do whatever they fancied but I felt like we'd all had some actual family time.

To be fair I doubt it's even going through his head as a problem but I think I just overthink things sometimes and put unnecessary pressure on myself.

@Ionlydomassiveones

…Let go of the apron strings!

yeah, I don't know what that means though. Does 'let go of the apron strings' mean be content to not see my 14 year old all weekend? Let him drift from friends house to girlfriends house to sport without eating together or checking in all weekend? Is demanding one meal together at the weekend tying the strings too tightly? These are genuine questions, it's why I created the post in the first place, to ask people to sense-check me on what seems reasonable in concrete terms. It was helpful to hear a sort-of consensus that a baseline of 'one meal together at the weekend' is a good thing. I might go for that. He is generally happy when he's eating (!) so it tends to be very positive time together.

We eat our evening meal together, and also try to have an hour of family time twice a week, usually in the evening. We play a board game or watch something together. The teens are generally happy to humour us in this.

I let mine come to me. Like a cat. The more you chase the more they disappear.

She often comes for cuddles and chats ( usually when I’m about to fall asleep!) she will also come on days out.