Disrespectful Teenager

MrsDenzel · 2022-01-19T23:21:05+00:00

Struggling with my 13 year old DD at the moment . Her attitude towards me is really disrespectful. She has been vaping recently and was grounded for this. I have to ask her over and over again to do things i.e hang her uniform up etc. Tonight I asked her to get in the shower, once then twice on the third time I said get in the shower now, its nearly bed time. Her response was she told me to Sssshhhhh!!! She seems to be more disrespectful towards me in front of her friends and I even heard her tell her friends that I'm soft. I then told her she will be grounded until she starts being more respectful towards me and she said I do not care. She does nothing around the house, I ask her to keep her room clean and empty her washing from her washing basket into the main washing basket and she cannot even do this . Its a constant battle. At my wits end.

Momof2boys1girl · 19/01/2022 23:32

I’ve got the same going on here, it’s awful. Mines 16 and can be really cutting towards me. I’m placemarking as I too could do with some words of wisdom

TheSmallAssassin · 19/01/2022 23:42

I would pick your battles, to be honest, I think the vaping is one thing, but the other things have natural consequences and are the kind of things you let go now and leave her to do - or not! She should be doing her own washing, for example.

The "Get out of my life." book is really helpful for tips on teenagers.

Original poster

MrsDenzel · 19/01/2022 23:47

@TheSmallAssassin

I would pick your battles, to be honest, I think the vaping is one thing, but the other things have natural consequences and are the kind of things you let go now and leave her to do - or not! She should be doing her own washing, for example.

The "Get out of my life." book is really helpful for tips on teenagers.

I know people say pick your battles but were do you draw the line at being disrespectful? I mean telling me to Sssshh I find it real rude and this is an ongoing thing not just a one off

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MissSmiley · 20/01/2022 00:00

In my experience (5 teens) I have a zero tolerance of disrespect towards me and each other but I'm fairly liberal around most other things. I have very strict rules around how we talk to each other and what I consider to be disrespectful behaviour. There needs to be conversations around expectations. Have you spoken to her before about this?

Regarding the vaping for instance I would have a conversation about that and help her make her own decisions about why she's doing it and whether it's something she thinks is going to be a good decision for her. Banning it won't help. She might need help to gain the confidence to say no in a peer setting. Teens this age need guidance to make good choices for themselves but they also need strong boundaries to feel safe and secure.

CanIbeRio · 20/01/2022 14:22

I wish Ssshhh was what I was dealing with... we've escalated to "piss off" ....nip it in the bud quick!!

Laila747 · 20/01/2022 14:46

My DD is 13 and I tell her “if it’s not in washing basket…it’s not getting washed” end of. At 13 I was doing my own washing and ironing so I expect her to at least get it to the wash bin.
I’ve found I have to stick to my guns with my DD…no making empty threats.
Overall she’s very well behaved although she can sulk and has the odd mood swing, which I accept as part of growing up.

I’ve noticed with some of my friends/family members that have teenagers that they try too hard to be their friend and it causes blurred lines.

So I say, stick to your guns on whatever rules you want to enforce. Pick your battles….they tend to switch off if you nag about every little thing. Remember to praise good behaviour/work/attitude and remember never threaten something you won’t follow through with.

IsOk · 20/01/2022 15:53

@MissSmiley

In my experience (5 teens) I have a zero tolerance of disrespect towards me and each other but I'm fairly liberal around most other things. I have very strict rules around how we talk to each other and what I consider to be disrespectful behaviour. There needs to be conversations around expectations. Have you spoken to her before about this?

Regarding the vaping for instance I would have a conversation about that and help her make her own decisions about why she's doing it and whether it's something she thinks is going to be a good decision for her. Banning it won't help. She might need help to gain the confidence to say no in a peer setting. Teens this age need guidance to make good choices for themselves but they also need strong boundaries to feel safe and secure.

You sound like an ace mum! I have never understood the letting your kids speak to you like shit. I couldn't bare it and shut it down instantly. Being grumpy with me or tetchy totally fine, won't bat an eye lid but actively rude and mean, no chance, not in my home. When they cross the line, they get sharply pulled up on it but then I move on quite quickly, I never 'play games' with them when I'm cross and approach them with respect, I expect basic respect back. I understand the hormones can make you super grumpy and say things that are unkind or disrespectful out of sheer teenage frustration, but I will never take it on the chin. I point it out, say don't speak to me like that and the move on quickly to something more connecting and supportive.

Original poster

MrsDenzel · 20/01/2022 22:22

So it's continued today and tonight. Shut the kitchen door on me whilst I was talking this morning so she couldn't hear me, asked her to get off her phone tonight, and get to bed, told me she was setting her alarm on her phone, went to get undressed, went back in and she was still on her phone so took it off her and told her it would be on her bedside cabinet once shes asleep for her alarm as once again she isn't doing as asked.

She fought with me to get her phone back, held onto the phone, dragged me dressing gown and then slammed the door on me which the handle hit me in the back.

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MissSmiley · 20/01/2022 22:37

@MrsDenzel I'm sorry this is tough for you right now, tonight's behaviour is unacceptable but you need to talk to her about your expectations when things are calm, does she have siblings? I suggest a family meeting and discuss everything calmly, give her the opportunity to prove she can behave well. I have never confiscated phones, I have encouraged self regulation in terms of using them at bedtime and as alarms, talk about getting enough rest and why we do that.

Pushing and shoving you is something that is completely unacceptable, ask her to imagine the consequences if she did that to a stranger in the street, the police might be involved, she might get in trouble for assault, etc you don't want that kind of behaviour in your home.

It's hard but it's worth it, she'll come through, lots of hugs and love are important, she's probably feeling pretty shit with her hormones right now

Original poster

MrsDenzel · 20/01/2022 22:58

[quote MissSmiley]@MrsDenzel I'm sorry this is tough for you right now, tonight's behaviour is unacceptable but you need to talk to her about your expectations when things are calm, does she have siblings? I suggest a family meeting and discuss everything calmly, give her the opportunity to prove she can behave well. I have never confiscated phones, I have encouraged self regulation in terms of using them at bedtime and as alarms, talk about getting enough rest and why we do that.

Pushing and shoving you is something that is completely unacceptable, ask her to imagine the consequences if she did that to a stranger in the street, the police might be involved, she might get in trouble for assault, etc you don't want that kind of behaviour in your home.

It's hard but it's worth it, she'll come through, lots of hugs and love are important, she's probably feeling pretty shit with her hormones right now[/quote]
If I didn't take her phone away she would hve been on it hours past her bedtime. I cannot trust her not to be. It just seems she thinks she can do as she pleases.

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