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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teens and family holidays

8 replies

lovely123 · 17/01/2022 16:36

DS has turned 18 now, does some part-time work but A-Level predictions are not good so the mood is a bit gloomy.
He has no clue what he wants to do and I worry about what he might end up doing with no A-Levels to support him....that was a bit of context but the actual question in my mind is I would love for him to continue joining us for family holidays (we can afford it) but I feel I might be sending the wrong message in that, it doesn't matter you have not done well in 6th form but we will still treat you and pay for holidays. What is the generakl vibe with hoiidays and adult teens?

OP posts:
waterrat · 17/01/2022 16:59

I can't imagine linking family holidays to a level performance..isn't it just about whether you can afford it and he wants to come ? I think until I was at uni I was included in my parents holidays without it being linked to anything else. He is studying he can't afford the sort of holidays adults go on.

rookiemere · 17/01/2022 17:00

If you want him to come with you, then you pay for it. If he's still living at home and studying then I would.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 17/01/2022 17:01

I think holidays are completely separate from studies ... if he wants to go, then let him join you. If he doesn't, leave him at home. I wouldn't have excluded mine because they weren't working hard enough, seems odd.

user1487194234 · 17/01/2022 18:53

We always invite and pay
They come if it suits them Smile

blyn72 · 20/01/2022 09:36

Do take him on holiday with you, if he wants to go. He may not want to. If he was fifteen or sixteen and not doing his school work you would still be taking him away with you, it's what you do as a family regardless of any other issues.

He may do better in his A levels than you anticipate, even if it is only scraping through. As long as he achieves enough to be able to train in something (once he has an idea about future career/job), don't worry too much about it.

shiningstar2 · 20/01/2022 09:44

I think he would be very hurt not to be invited on a family holiday, especially as you can afford it and the context is you are considering not taking him due to poor academic performance. It might also have the opposite effect to the one you are hoping for and demotivate him further.

shiningstar2 · 20/01/2022 09:57

Just to add ...the opportunity for family holidays goes by very quickly and this could be the last one he goes on with you. If you link holidays to performance he won't ever forget it and could feel that you would think he was a failure if he doesn't have A levels. Teens feel these things very keenly and don't forget quickly. Evidence of this is shown all over Mumsnet boards. You love him and are concerned for his future but denying him the family holiday is not a good way forward imo. Imagine how you would feel when the time comes to go and you are leaving him behind. Also his feelings of failure, hurt and rejection while you are away. You sound caring and concerned. I imagine leaving him behind under these circumstances would also spoil your own holiday. 💐

HairyDad · 28/01/2022 16:27

Take him on holiday while you still can. If he even considers coming with you then you're doing better than most! Seriously though, holidays are family time so I wouldn't link it at all with good/bad behaviour or achievement. I'm 41 and still go on holiday with my parents and sister (with the kids of course)

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