Probably not the best time to ask but I’ve been procrastinating all day now and can’t sleep. Also a reason why I’ve added to Teenagers and not Pre-Teens as I feel parents of teenagers may be in a better position to advise... very long post so apologies in advance.
My DD12 started secondary school in Sep and for her birthday her Dad and I decided to get her a phone. I know it’s young but times have changed and all her friends have one, some have for a couple of years now and it was getting to the point that she needed one not just for socialisation but for safety getting the bus home from school etc. She’s also sensible, our only child and I like to think we have a very close relationship, so we knew we could trust her.
One of the agreements to having a phone however is that I need to know her passcode and will check her phone. Another agreement is that if she wants to have social media she can only ‘follow’ people she knows as in friends and family and vice versa and they have to be private accounts. This will of course change as she gets older and I will respect her privacy but for the time being I explained to her that it’s for her own safety. She completely respects these agreements.
Fast forward a few months now of having a phone and making new friends at her secondary school. I check her phone regularly and there’s been no red flags or alarm bells, trying to get used to the lingo has been the most difficult bit to get my head around tbh 
Tonight however I was browsing through and all was ok until I came across a social media post by one of her class friends. Female and also 12, maybe even 11, my DD has only met her through secondary school and I’ve only met her once at a party, but she is a friend according to my DD.
The social media post was a text box and it said ‘ask me anything’ and the way it works is that her ‘followers’ can ask her questions and she gives the answers. It means whoever is following this individual can also see copies of the questions asked and also the answers, however you can’t see who asked the Q.
Now this is where my concerns are... this friend of my DD has been asked IMO some VERY concerning questions but has also answered with concerning responses. Especially for a 12yo possibly 11yo. Examples of these Q and A is:
Q: ‘do u wanna have sex?’ A: ‘yes sure come over’
Q: ‘do you want to borrow my dildo?’ A: ‘no I’ve got my own thanks’
Q: ‘can u finger me till I cum?’ A: yes then we can have sex
Q: ‘shall we watch some porn?’ A: yes come over
You get the picture.... What the actual fuck?
Now my DD has done nothing wrong here, this is one of her friends uploads but my DD has been exposed to seeing these words on these posts and I’m pretty confident she’s never heard the words ‘cum’ or ‘dildo’ before in her life?? My other worries are for the child that posted - how and why are these words known to her? I’m sure I didn’t know these words and especially their meanings until I was about 15!
I will speak with my DD about it, like I said she knows I check her phone and we have a close enough relationship for me to ask about whether she’s seen anything she’s confused by, or does she know what it means and how has it made her feel but what I need advice with is:
Should I contact this girls mum? It’s tough because I don’t know her and have met her only once (again at a party) but I have her number because my DD has been invited to her daughters party in the near future. Would you contact her and raise your concerns? I know I would definitely want to know but what if this mum isn’t bothered?
Would you ask your DD/DS to remove this individual from social media? De-friend them? Or keep it as normal and hope that her mum does something about it and the child stops?
Would you ask your DD to remove all social media? It just feels like punishment for something she hasn’t done herself.
My fear is that my DD has made this new group of friends (they are all new friends from being placed in the same class) and if I ask her to keep this girl at arms length will it isolate her from the rest of the group? She seems so happy at school having made these new friends I would be distraught for her if that would happen, especially considering my DD has done absolutely nothing wrong from what I can see.
I’ve seen nothing remotely similar from any of the other girls in this new friendship group, just this one individual.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?