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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

17 year old

3 replies

Joannelesley · 13/01/2022 09:42

My 17 year old, wants to drop out of college with no thought of what he wants to do. He quit his part time job and is only interested in meeting mates, which I understand but he will be classed as an adult in a few weeks and it worry’s me. As soon as he gets paid wages from a job it is all spent in a few days. We are looking after some of his wages which he was very reluctant to do and said we are stealing his money. This money has been put aside because I knew he’d blow it all. £300 spent in under a week with nothing to show for it. I need to teach him that this is not real life, most of us can’t just spend like this but he refuses to under and thinks we are mean. I have told him that if he drops out of college must get a full time job and will be expected to contribute to the household bills, this has been met with anger and disbelief that we could be so awful to him. His behaviour towards us is disrespectful and plain rude. He thinks that as soon as he reached 18 he can do as he pleases, despite me saying 18 or 50 there are rules which we all follow. Don’t know what to do with him, I am worried he is throwing his future away and will never make it in the real world

OP posts:
Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 13/01/2022 09:48

Similar here before Christmas.. I broke down into figures all ds would need to contribute to the household as I would lose his benefits if he didn't finish college...
He has recently had Covid and even did the college work online!!
Calm, straight talking chat op...
Or sadly the first cut back would be the WiFi wouldn't it?

mumonthehill · 13/01/2022 10:03

As soon as he reaches 18 he can do as he wants, however you set the rules in your home and he abides by them or not, that is his adult decision to make. I agree that sitting him down with some financial facts is a good idea. Explain to him that unless he is in education then he will have to start paying his way so things like phone, internet, clothes, toiletries, clothes, going out. You can only give him the reality and it is up to him to accept or not, again if he wants to play the adult card then tell him this is what it means. I have been through the I am 18 conversations but also the I am ONLY 18 conversations, they want independence in some ways but not in others.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/01/2022 20:47

It’s a phase, almost certainly. What you mustn’t do is enable it.

If he wants to leave college he gets an FT job, pays a chunk of his wages for keep, and another chunk for savings (it’s your house, so your rules). He will also need to be civil and polite and do XY chores. If he doesn’t like that he can move out. Give him the figures in a calm but firm manner.

Or just tell him to move out now if he doesn’t want to stay at college. That’s probably the best thing for him to grow up quickly.

Either way, it’s fine to tell him he is not a pleasure to be around right now, and you do not want to put up with that.

Some teens are still in the utterly selfish stage at that age. He doesn’t really see you as a person, so you need to make it very clear you are.

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