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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 year old ignoring calls

29 replies

fizzypop100 · 08/01/2022 18:23

Da went to friends this morning about 11. I said don't stay more than a couple of hours and definitely make sure back before it starts getting dark. Well it's 6.20 and be is still there. He has ignored WhatsApp call and message, messenger, text and several Google find my phone alarms. I'm angry and disappointed. He just ignores the instructions. What would you do ?

OP posts:
PAFMO · 08/01/2022 18:26

Ground him when he says:
Battery died
Didn't hear it
I'm not 5
Etc etc
Not mature enough to keep in touch/return as agreed, not mature enough to go out.

Serenschintte · 08/01/2022 18:28

My ds was grounded for this after a couple of warnings.
Our rules are that if Mum or Dad calling you answer. If you miss the call then call back when you see it.
Plus we have an agreed coming home time - 30 minute leeway.
My DH would go and collect him if he is repeatedly ignoring our calls.
After being grounded (for 2 weeks) he got a lot better of answering his phone and coming home on time.

PinkSyCo · 08/01/2022 18:39

Was there a particular reason you only allowed him 2 hours at his friends house? If not I suspect he is rebelling against your overprotectiveness.

penguinwithasuitcase · 08/01/2022 18:44

Is this normal behaviour or unusual?

Honestly I'd be worried he wasn't OK.

Either way I'd be going over there, either to check he's OK or to be the embarrassing parent getting him out of the house in front of his friend.

And next time I'd give a crystal clear expectation - "a couple of hours" after 11am is nowhere near "getting dark", so that's a big window.

elelel · 08/01/2022 18:50

Of this was one of mine I would be frantic because I wouldn't expect them not to respond to my attempts to reach them, it would be out of character for them. With that in mind does your teen normally ignore calls etc?

Mine would also be allowed out at 15 for a lot longer than 2 hours.

elelel · 08/01/2022 18:50

To be fair it's dark at 4:30 and he is 15 - cent expect a 15 year old never to be out in the dark

WeAllHaveWings · 08/01/2022 19:52

Why was he only to stay a couple of hours/be back? Was there somewhere else he had to be/do and did he knows this?

At 15 I wouldnt be instructing ds to be back unless there was a solid reason. Is this why he hasn't come home because he doesn't see the reason why?

User135792468 · 08/01/2022 19:55

Do you know the parents? I’d embarrass him and call them.

TrainspottingWelsh · 08/01/2022 20:00

If at 15 my dc were only allowed out for a few hours with instructions to be home before dark they'd know and understand the reasons it was important. So I'd be seriously concerned if they didn't turn up or started ignoring their phones, when they've always known I would only contact them if it's essential.
However if I imposed random unnecessary rules and regularly contacted them when they were with friends, I'd assume they'd had enough of my restrictions.
So I suppose it depends on which scenario is applicable.

NerrSnerr · 08/01/2022 20:15

Is there a reason they were only allowed out for a few hours? Why can't they be out after dark? If there is a massively back story of antisocial behaviour etc then I understand, if you're massively more strict than their friend's parents then I think you need to have a talk with them about realistic rules from both sides.

Starlightstarbright1 · 08/01/2022 20:36

He would be grounded.

Do you know where friend lives as i woukd be marching round there

Elieza · 08/01/2022 20:46

Id be worried and phoning his friends house to check he’s there. Tough luck if that’s embarrassing for him.

However you did give him mixed messages so in future you might want to be more specific:
‘A couple of hours’ and
‘before it gets dark’
are two vastly different things. One is 1pm and the other is around 4pm.

As pp have said, if there is no good reason for the early deadline you might want to consider letting him out a bit more at weekends? Unless this is a covid related issue or something.

user1487194234 · 08/01/2022 21:17

You sound very controlling

titchy · 08/01/2022 21:25

@user1487194234

You sound very controlling
Why? If any member of my family, my mum, dh or teenager, went out for a couple of hours at 11 and weren't home hours later and couldn't be got hold of I'd be extremely worried, wouldn't most people?
Original poster
fizzypop100 · 08/01/2022 21:44

He was at a good friend's house. My DS has form for outstaying his welcome so I contacted the mum and asked her to send him on his way

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 08/01/2022 22:01

@fizzypop100

He was at a good friend's house. My DS has form for outstaying his welcome so I contacted the mum and asked her to send him on his way
How do you know he is out staying his welcome? Has the other mother said this? Most would just send him packing, or tell their own ds if they wanted a friend to leave if unwanted, wouldnt you?.
PinkSyCo · 08/01/2022 23:25

He was at a good friend's house. My DS has form for outstaying his welcome so I contacted the mum and asked her to send him on his way

You still haven’t explained why you only let him out for a couple of hours at a time. If there’s no good reason for it I don’t blame him for rebelling. I would have too.

user1487194234 · 09/01/2022 07:18

Why? If any member of my family, my mum, dh or teenager, went out for a couple of hours at 11 and weren't home hours later and couldn't be got hold of I'd be extremely worried, wouldn't most people?
Honestly,no

Elieza · 09/01/2022 13:04

I wonder why he overstays his welcome away from the home.

Bearing in mind half the posters on here think his mother is controlling I think we know why.

OP is it a rough area you live in? Any chance of a move somewhere safer? Gang culture is a scary issue on many places nowadays sadly. But kids need to have a life and fun too. In a safe way. Difficult times.

Original poster
fizzypop100 · 09/01/2022 15:01

@Elieza

I wonder why he overstays his welcome away from the home.

Bearing in mind half the posters on here think his mother is controlling I think we know why.

OP is it a rough area you live in? Any chance of a move somewhere safer? Gang culture is a scary issue on many places nowadays sadly. But kids need to have a life and fun too. In a safe way. Difficult times.

We live in a lovely area.
OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 09/01/2022 16:05

We live in a lovely area.

So why do you allow your 15 year old son so little freedom then? Don’t you think our kids have been imprisoned enough over the past couple of years? Poor lad.

Original poster
fizzypop100 · 09/01/2022 17:07

@PinkSyCo

We live in a lovely area.

So why do you allow your 15 year old son so little freedom then? Don’t you think our kids have been imprisoned enough over the past couple of years? Poor lad.

He is not imprisoned. He goes to lots of activities with friends. The issue here is lack of communication
OP posts:
travellingturtle · 09/01/2022 17:49

OP, I'm sorry the batshit brigade have come out on your thread like this.

How in the world do people get from "I asked my 15 year old to be home in a couple of hours" to 'he must be avoiding his controlling mother by getting jnto GANG culture'?!

And from a few lines' description of one day's events, you're denying him his freedom?

What a joke Confused MN honestly does hurt my brain sometimes.

Elieza · 10/01/2022 13:40

The thing with MN is that original posters put up a small amount of information and ask for advice.

People try to answer the question based on that information. However probing a bit deeper sometimes reveals something else that is relevant and has contributed to the issue the OP is asking for help with that he or she has neglected to add.

It may hurt your brain that people sometimes go off piste but because we don’t know each other we can’t base our opinions on our knowledge of their situation, ir home life the way you would if it was your mate asking the question, as we have none!

WeAllHaveWings · 10/01/2022 15:27

He is not imprisoned. He goes to lots of activities with friends. The issue here is lack of communication

Agree, you are not communicating to him sufficiently so he understands why he needs to be home in just 2 hours for no apparent reason. So he is rebelling against it. At 15, as long as he is safe, you should be moving towards him being more independent, making decisions and dealing with consequences, this is one of them.

At that age I was pleased when ds's friends left after 36hrs 🤣