Advice on DD13 and swimming

[CherylPorter350]

So, DD13 is very much your typical teen, stroppy, moody, cheeky. This I manage without issue.

Recently she has started a swimming block in pe at school and has told me she's going to refuse to do it. I've explained there will likely be disciplinary consequences at school and, if so, at home also. She's now said she will participate on the Friday but not the Wednesday as she's not getting her hair wet and removing her make up first period.

I've listened and explained that in life we have to learn that as part of school, and work going forward, there are certain things we won't want to do but are obliged to as part of schoo/work and she can't pick or choose. Her reply was if she gets buried it's my fault and none of the girls do swimming. I told her I'd call the school to check and she changed her mind on that statement.

Am I being unreasonable here? She wants me to email the school to get her out of it and I've said no.

For context my oldest DD felt the same and I also refused to get her out of it. No long standing issues.

My mum wrote me a note saying I was allergic to chlorine and I’m ever grateful to her. School swimming at that age is grim, you learn nothing and you spend all day freezing with wet hair as there’s never enough time to dry it afterwards. I swapped with the other PE group that wasn’t rostered to swim that term and did extra netball or hockey instead.

If it's part of the school day and no extra curricular she has to do it. Unless you believe there is a real deep seated issue? Is it mixed sex? Essentially vanity (I mean this in the nicest possible way, I know how important image is to teens) is not a reason to skip swimming. It will only be for a little while and you can make a big fuss of how proud you are when she finishes the block too.

@gogohm agree with you about make up. Sadly I cannot imagine many schools doing that and then enforcing it, even those who are zealous about uniform.

@negomi90

I'd offer her an alternative sport. As adults we can avoid things we hate. We don't pick jobs with something we find traumatic. There are bits we don't like, but we can shape our lives to avoid things we hate. Just like as an adult I don't buy food I don't like to eat. There are a million reasons why a teenage girl wouldn't want to swim and if make up helps her confidence and she doesn't want her hair to be frizzy after swimming those reasons are important to her. You've said she can swim, so this isn't a safety thing. There are ways of exercising which she could do instead, so not doing swimming won't jeopardise her health. I don't understand why you would fight this. Not swimming isn't going to do her any harm, it won't even affect her GCSEs and her long term future. As to your older girl who you made do it. You can acknowledge that your views have changed and agree that it sucks to be her. (I say this as an older sibling who consistently watches my younger siblings get away with things I would never have been allowed to do.) I don't see what you gain from making her go swimming with school other than a power struggle.

It's not about offering a different sport...this is a core element of her PE course at school.

In my view, if something is a core element of school she has to participate. If she chooses not to then there are consequences. She also hates French because she cant sit next to her friends, im not going to excuse her from that core element of her timetable just because she plans on taking Spanish to Nat 5 (Scottish equivalent of GCSE).

I agree aa adults we can shape our lives/jobs to avoid things we hate but She doesn't hate swimming and patricipated last year. The issue is now she's found make up etc she doesn't want to go without, which is not a valid reason to be excused.

In my previous career there were parts I really enjoyed initially and then, over time, due to the politics of the job I grew to despise. I couldn't just get a note to get out of it now that I no longer enjoyed that element. This is what I'm trying to teach her, sometimes we have to do things we don't particularly want to as part of our core role.

I've got a 13 year old girl...stubborn isn't the word!!!

Just leave her to sort it out herself. Remind her to get her swimming kit ready, remind her to take it and if she doesn't then let school deal with it.

@Passtherioja

I've got a 13 year old girl...stubborn isn't the word!!!

Just leave her to sort it out herself. Remind her to get her swimming kit ready, remind her to take it and if she doesn't then let school deal with it.

Haha glad it's not just my 13 year old!!!

I can't believe the school lets her wear make up to school at 13 🤦🏼‍♀️
Surely everyone will be in the same boat, she won't be able to straighten her hair teach her how to do a messy bun or plait or something so her hair is still 'done' for the day. Make up, if she needs it that much, she can reapply after swimming in the toilets surely

@CherylPorter350 It's really not just yours!

Leave her to it-what could mum's possibly tell such knowledgeable 13 year olds!