Body odour and refusing to use deodorant

[whiffyteen]

How can I address this with my teen please? DD stinks, there's no way to pussyfoot round it. Her clothes smell of sweat and like she's been sleeping in them because she has been sleeping in them but says this is fine. She showers but not daily and has very fragile self esteem so it's difficult to raise this with her. Her friends are the same and if anyone comes round I have to have the windows open afterwards to air the room for ages. She doesn't live with me full time and sadly her dad doesn't do her washing very often so she's in the same school uniform for weeks. She says she's been wearing the same bra for months without it being washed. She sleeps in her bra too. Whenever she does come here I wash what I can by sneaking things into the wash. She generally hits the roof over me washing her things then runs back to her dad saying that I'm emotionally abusing her by saying she needs to wash her clothes or use deodorant. I've had to throw school shirts away as even three washes later they are still badly stained and more grey than white. She showers every other day or so but won't use deodorant saying she doesn't need to. She does. Other family members have tried saying something but she just gets annoyed. She's 15. She's beautiful but my god she stinks. How can I tackle this without causing further friction?

I think I'd talk to her father first and tell him that he's going to make his daughter a social outcast if he doesn't get on top of washing, cleaning and telling her she needs to sort her hygeine out. You both need to be singing off the same hymn sheet.

I wouldn't be shy about washing either, your house, your rules and washing gets done at your house. I would also be showing her how to do her own washing so if dad doesn't step up, she can sort herself out.

Can you have a word with school to see if they can cover hygeine and cleanliness in phse lessons?

Is she is funny about perfume smells her her an unscented distant and see if she will wear that.

Lack of cleanliness can be a sign of depression, is that a possibility, can you help on that front?

My son went through a stage of smelling of BO, he was sent back to the shower and told in no uncertain terms that he stank, every time. He didn't like it or, neither did I but why should I have to put up with the stench. One thing that did help a bit was moving to a proper soap bar rather than shower gel, maybe you could give that a go?

I have a DS11 who won't use deodorant for sensory reasons and won't use soap so I still bath him daily after school.

I use imperial leather and do two soaps and rinses under the armpits which does keep the worst of it at bay.

So agree with pp re actual soap. There is a lemony one that is antibacterial (got it from savers) which is even better at killing the niff.

I sympathise though. But yes I'd be washing the uniform and stocking up on white blouses.

Are you able to 'treat' her to a trip to Victorias secret for some nice teen bras?

Many teens go through a soap refusing phase. But with your DD that's quite extreme and I would wonder what her mental health is like.
But, it's unacceptable to be wearing clothes for weeks on end without washing and I think you are going to have to be fairly straightforward with her. She probably can't smell it herself anymore.
I think you're going to have to have house rules, doesn't matter if her Dad does differently. Keep her bedclothes laundered and fresh and wash her clothes.
Tell her you love her, but find the smell unappealing. She may not thank you now, but learning to care for yourself is an essential life skill.

She does have proper soap. She just doesn't use it well or often. She is very particular about her face and hair but her clothes and self are awful. Her mental health isn't great and she's been referred to the mental health team. It's essentially a rebellion against me because she knows I hate it.

I think I will have to put my foot down when she is here. Personal hygiene was such a big thing when I was at school. It would be horrifying to smell so bad that you scent the room. All of dd's friends smell just as bad if not worse in one case. She'll use it as a reason not to come here and see me. We do have a new social worker due to dd's behaviour and I'll mention to them and see what they say. Her dad isn't one for personal hygiene either and didn't think he needed deodorant. He did. I find it very disrespectful to the people you are with to have manky teeth and clothes and to smell of BO.

sadly her dad doesn't do her washing very often so she's in the same school uniform for weeks. She says she's been wearing the same bra for months without it being washed

This is neglectful. Do they have SS involvement?

Most 15 year olds are of course able to throw a wash on, but if she is refusing and battling hygiene he needs to step up.