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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD being bullied by a teacher?

28 replies

BackBone · 20/12/2007 18:19

My dd is adament that a teacher at school does not like her. She is 14 and the teacher is very young (still in her 20s) but apparantly its been noticed by other kids too.

Today was non-uniform day and DD forgot so went in uniform and apparantly the teacher saw her and whispered to another pupil that DD still had her uniform on with a big grin on her face!

Last week the teacher apparantly asked DD if she was still doing drama classes and another girl heard and burst out laughing and the teacher apparantly smirked at the girls reaction. DD didnt want anyone knowing about the drama classes.

And then in PE this teacher apparantly always says that DD doesnt try hard enough and threatened her last week that if she didnt think she was putting enough effort in she would make her do PE all through her dinner hour.

2 other girls have told me about certain instances where this teacher has apparantly taken the piss out of DD, made her look stupid in front of other people or told her off for no real reason.

It all apparantly comes down to something that happened in September when DD was cheeky to said teacher.

Should I make a complaint or am I being too over-protective? The last time I spoke to the teacher she told me that DD was stubborn and a bit of a bully?!?

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 20/12/2007 18:22

It sounds like the teacher might not be conducting herself in a very professional manner, but you really need to speak to her to gauge things from both sides, I think.

What did your DD say to the teacher in September?

What did you say to the teacher when she described your DD as "stubborn and a bit of a bully"?

Original poster

BackBone · 20/12/2007 18:24

Apparantly the teacher had said something to the class and DD said "It sounds like you just ripped that straight from a text book" and the teacher has been off with her ever since.

I agreed that DD was stubborn but asked her to elaborate on the "bullying" and was told she bosses the others around and seems to think shes one cut above the other girls. Must admit I was a bit taken back but didnt say anything at the time, just wished I had when I got home.

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 20/12/2007 18:27

Hmm.. sounds like a clash of personalities, and your DD's comment probably didn't help.

But the teacher is the adult in the situation.

I think you need to go and talk to the teacher, and perhaps mention that other pupils have also mentioned what has been going on.

wildwoman · 20/12/2007 18:32

I was bullied by a teacher when I was in the 6th form, he was a young bloke who saw that the "cool" kids didn't like me so joined in to try and win them over. I stopped going to his lessons and he waited to the last week of my last year to report me to my house mistress. I think it can be hard when there is less of an age gap. Talk to someone at the school.

oxocube · 20/12/2007 18:32

Hmm, your dd's comment to the teacher seems more than a little 'stubborn' - I would say it was downright rude and I would be very upset if any of my children spoke to a teacher like this. BUT, the teacher is the adult here and if she is belittling your daughter because she feels hurt or embarrassed, then she is the one who needs to address the problem now. I think you need to speak to your dd and the teacher concerned and voice your concerns.

fizzbuzz · 20/12/2007 18:50

In 12 years of teaching, I have never knowingly picked on a student.....nor do I know any one who has .

Some annoy you or irritate you but you are supposed to treat them all the same.

Also ime teenage girls always back each other up.

Sorry if I seem a bit unsympathetic, but kids always accuse members of staff of picking on them....all the time...usually when you won't let them do what they want.

If it is really a concern, then I would speak to Head of Year.

fizzbuzz · 20/12/2007 18:51

I would never ever whisper about a student to another student......

lulumama · 20/12/2007 18:52

i thikn your DD was astonishingly rude to the teacher, and undermined the teacher in front of the class

BUT, that is no reason for the teacher to be nasty and pick on your DD if that is what is happening

has your DD apologised for her comment? that might go a long way towards building bridges

if teacher is young and new she might not have appreciated being made to feel small by a pupil

Blandmum · 20/12/2007 18:56

I think that your dd was very rude to the teacher.

I have lot count of the number of teenagers who tell me that I 'pick on them' I don't. I really don't. I pull them up on their behavior when they are out of line. Funnily enough all the other staff seem to pick on them too.

I'm with Fizzbuzz, I've never know a teacher do this, none of my collegues have the time or inclination.

Check the facts with the teacher before you take it any further.

Even the very nicest children will tell the story to put themselves in the best possible light.

fizzbuzz · 20/12/2007 19:04

Yes, would back up MB, no time or inclination....picking on someone never enters my head, I'm already spinning enough plates as it is!

Blandmum · 20/12/2007 19:08

( It is what we really do in Briefing isn't it? Decide which kids are going to get it in the neck this week )

And TBH I hardly feel that any of this, even if real, counts as bullying.

She asked about at drama class.....I think the teacher might be trying to be interested in your dd.

She smiled.

the stuff the two girls saud should be taken with a pinch of salt...if not corroborated.

and the 'Told off for no reason' is a common complain by kids who are out of line and don't want to admit to workng doing. Sorry.

wildwoman · 20/12/2007 19:12

It did happen to me, I wasn't the perfect pupil, I was a teenager! that doesn't excuse my teacher's behaviour. The OP knows her daughter and should look into the situation if it is making her unhappy.

Blandmum · 20/12/2007 19:14

Oh I agree. But I've seen it sooooooooooooo many times from the other side, it is unreal. I just think the OP should be pre warned that the investigation may not come out in dd's favour. there was a long post like this on MN a year or so ago, and in the end the posters child admited to making up the 'teacher bullying' idea to support her friend. It is as well to go in with eyes open.

and by and large the sadistic teachers that I saw as a kid in the 70 are no longer in teaching.

Not all teachers are perfect, this is true, but the profession is far better than it was when I was in school.

wildwoman · 20/12/2007 19:17

I'm with you on that MB, I was a stroppy little sod at school but this teacher was so unprofessional. I did also "cry wolf" about other teachers to give reasons for bad reports etc. I guess it serves me right!

Blandmum · 20/12/2007 19:21

It is so common it is darn near universal

Good job we love them anyway!

piximon · 20/12/2007 19:30

I was bullied by my gym teacher when I was at school. I actually liked sports (I took private lessons at weekends) but was quite sickly and the gym teacher would bad mouth me when I was off to the rest of the class and give me a hard time when I was there (I fractured my ankle at school, it never healed properly and I had months of physio to be able to use it again - it still clicks whenever I move it). My mum spoke to the teacher and got me moved from her class and life was much better for me, although as she was the head of the dept she still wrote my report card and gave me a bad report. It was the only bad report I received, all my other teachers loved me.

Viggoswife · 01/01/2008 15:45

I was bullied by a teacher at the age of 9.

When my Mum confronted her at the end of the last term I was in this teachers class she told my Mum that she and I had a "clash of personalities". She had been unable to deny completely how horrible she had been to me so put it down to that. I also had a young teacher in secondary school who CLEARLY preferred the boys to the girls and would openly flirt with some of them and was also quite obnoxious to some of the girls - not me fortunately on this occasion so I think it can happen. Teachers are human after all and I am sure that some unpleasant people find their way into the profession.

I would probably believe my DD if it was me especially if her friends were backing her up and I had always trusted her previously.

tigermoth · 01/01/2008 16:58

If you are still reading this, backbone, and it is still worrying you, FWIW I think you should meet the teacher sometime on the pretext that you are worried about your dd's attitude to PE and want to talk this through. Show that you are taking things seriously and ask the teacher if she would mind writing a comment in your dd's home school book after each PE class so you can check things are ok with both parties. Make it clear you will be on the phone to her (ie taking up more or her time) if anything seems amiss. If there is any remote chance your dd is being bullied, you are making it clear to the teacher that your dd is not alone. But agree with the teachers here that the risk of this must be small.

FWIW, I have found that the 'jokey' attitude of some of my 13 year old son's PE teachers verges on the insensitive and abrasive and taken out of context, their comments(repeated to me by my son) can seem like ridicule. (My son loves cricket but is not keen on most other school sports, and gets the micky taken out of him a lot). His teachers are mainly very young and I think it is their 'way' of relating to the children they teach. My son does not like most PE but seems to accept it.

hercules1 · 01/01/2008 17:07

I agree with mb. Teenagers, especially girls, say they are being picked on all the time and their friends will back them to the hilt.

hercules1 · 01/01/2008 17:08

It may be that she is worried the teacher will be wanting to speak to you about her and wants to get in there first.

Tsilanrouj15 · 17/03/2008 22:08

I've seen kids picked on at school by teachers; it does happen - not very often though. I think that you should bypass the teacher in question and go speak with the head of year/house/school - anyone her superior. Don' just think that its girls telling lies - believe your daughter!

windygalestoday · 17/03/2008 22:15

teachers can and do bully children my ds1 was signed off school for 2 years becuse of a very inadequate teacher who caused so much misery.
eventually she was sacked the damge she did to my son is still evident 7 years later.

some teachers are teachers from the heart others do it for a wage.

MoreSpamThanGlam · 17/03/2008 22:20

A teenage girl made a cheeky comment (shock horror) and now a teacher is being accused of something she definately didnt do because she is a teacher.

FFS.

shreksprincessfiona · 17/03/2008 22:23

Similar thing happened to us. My dd of 14 was having a hard time from a teacher, and got a poor assessment for a practical. She had been practicing for it with next door neighbour who teaches same subject at different school and was most impressed with her results. Anyway, I wrote in and asked very nicely where things had gone wrong as fully expected better results. Never even got a reply! Had to go through guidance teacher and spoke to her about things.

Things got worse- dd sent out of class for asking a question. My dd has never been in trouble ever. So I called up the dht who unsurprisingly had no idea who dd was or any of her friends. Explained what had happened and that was looking for dd to do well.

Since then, things have hugely improved, the teacher is almost to dd now, I'm sure it's through grittted teeth, but life is more pleasant and consequently she is enjoying the class more and doing well.

shreksprincessfiona · 17/03/2008 22:24

And I'm not slagging off teachers, I'm one myself!

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