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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Help, in a strange situation

22 replies

Anon2425 · 21/12/2021 18:07

I have my sister living with me our mum and her dad have expressed they are happy to pay towards her care as it hasn’t worked with them. I’m stuck. I don’t know how much to ask for. On average teens cost their parents between £500 and £600 per month. But that seems like an awful lot to ask for. I’m known for being too nice. I don’t see eye to eye with my mum. I just want to help my sister but the financial help will make a massive difference in our situation.

OP posts:

SoSickOfItNow · 21/12/2021 18:11

Where are you getting your figures? Mine doesn’t cost anywhere near that amount!

CovidCorvid · 21/12/2021 18:12

You need to work out how much you think your sister will cost you and present a breakdown.

Food per month
Increase in gas/electricity
Allowance
Clothes, haircuts, make up
School dinners, etc

You should get the child benefit paid to you.

CovidCorvid · 21/12/2021 18:12

And I agree your figures sound high.

QueenofLouisiana · 21/12/2021 18:14

If you are to be responsible for everything, you’ll find you’ll spend this sort of money quite easily. Phone contract? Broadband contribution? Extra hot water? Extra food, washing, drying, deodorant and sanitary protection….

Then add in pocket money, school/collage transport (£45 a week for post-16, £500 per term under-16 here), do you lose a single person council tax allowance?

I think you need to make a list and get a decent view on what your costs will be.

MissyB1 · 21/12/2021 18:14

Tbh it does all add up, with extra utilities being used, food (Teens eat a lot!), clothes, spending money etc
Even so I would say £300 is more like it.

EmpressCixi · 21/12/2021 18:19

I agree with @CovidCorvid to start with. Except they forgot share of rent. Presumably you are having to rent a place with an extra bedroom, and that costs money too.

If they are 18, then you also lose single person council tax rate, so the difference between that and full council tax.

I think £500-£600 is not high. It sounds pretty cheap to me. If you had a housemate, they’d probably be paying more than that in living expenses.

EmpressCixi · 21/12/2021 18:20

*If they are in full time education, you should also be claiming the child benefit for them not your mum or her dad.

MadeForThis · 21/12/2021 18:23

It depends on what you are actually paying for.

MilitantFaucet · 21/12/2021 18:24

I think £500 sounds reasonable tbh. You need to consider school transport and lunches, clothing, hair and beauty, phone, social life, rent, share of bills, food. I will be sending two to university in September and it won’t cost me much more than having them at home!

LynetteScavo · 21/12/2021 18:26

How old is she?

Does she do any sports or have any music lessons?

Do you need to pay for school transport?

How many of you are living in the house already? If you're already cooking for five adding a bit more will cost less than cooing for two rather than one.

SoSickOfItNow · 21/12/2021 18:35

I just want to help my sister but the financial help will make a massive difference in our situation

The thing is, with this sentence, it looks like you are actually planning to profit from your sister being there rather than just looking to cover the cost of her actually being there.
I don’t imagine for a minute your DM would, as pp thinks you should, expect to pay rent for her. This has Family Fallout written all over it.

Undertheoldlindentree · 21/12/2021 18:35

Does your sister do (or want to try) any sport, dance, music, acting or other specialist activities. I worked out that one of my teens playing an instrument to Grade 8 standard had cost me between £1,000 and 2,000 a year. Sports coaching, dance teaching, exam costs etc all add up to similar amounts if they get serious about an activity.

Will you need to maintain a car or drive extra miles to drop off to school, friends, concerts etc?

EmpressCixi · 21/12/2021 18:47

don’t imagine for a minute your DM would, as pp thinks you should, expect to pay rent for her. This has Family Fallout written all over it.

You must be joking, it’s always the parents responsibility to pay for their minor children’s housing costs...not an older sister’s! The mum can fall out all she wants but she shouldn’t be fobbing off her parental responsibility on the OP.

SoSickOfItNow · 21/12/2021 20:34

It’s not going to cost the sister extra room wise though -other costs yes but the DM doesn’t charge her younger daughter rent so I doubt she would expect to pay rent for her to stay at her sisters. they’ve said ‘pay towards her care’ not have Anon charge extra and make a profit.

EmpressCixi · 21/12/2021 21:02

@SoSickOfItNow

Of course it is. The OP must now likely rent a 2 bedroom instead of a 1 bedroom..and the more bedrooms the higher the rent. It’s not making a profit to expect the girls parents to pay her housing costs.

Original poster

Anon2425 · 23/12/2021 22:52

What I meant by this statement was that she has been staying with me for 2 months now anyway and it’s been a struggle. Our situation is me, my sister (16) and my son (2.5).

OP posts:

katieg03 · 23/12/2021 22:54

If you are claiming universal credit its going to be a bit messy. Where is this money coming from their wages? Maybe consider a more CSA style arrangement. You need to think about all the extras though, phone, car, activities, socialising thats a lot.

Original poster

Anon2425 · 23/12/2021 22:57

Thank you for all the advice. I will sit and make a list and try to figure it out more accurately. I never intended to charge extra or “make a profit” as some people put it. She’s had stayed with me on and off for 6 months and I’ve never asked for a penny that’s. I don’t want to cause arguments and that’s why I’m so unsure of how much to ask for. All I want is to help my sister but having her with no help is bloody hard.

OP posts:

CatherinedeBourgh · 23/12/2021 23:03

Your parents should be giving her enough to live on, and she should pay you like a lodger would.

Anything else is asking way too much of you.

EwwSprouts · 23/12/2021 23:05

As she is 16 I would work out a figure for food and home costs. Your parents should also pay her directly an allowance for school lunches, transport, clothes and odd fun things like going to the cinema. That way with your help your sister learn to budget and no-one can say you are asking for an exaggerated figure.

Original poster

Anon2425 · 23/12/2021 23:15

We plan to do this but My sister isn’t very good at budgeting at the moment. She’s a splurge it all in one go kind of girl but so is my mum so I am going to help her learn by decanting it weekly instead of give her a big chunk or my mum splurging it and not having any to give her.

OP posts:

downtonupton · 23/12/2021 23:28

you should be entitled to Child Benefit for her

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