Help please, DD extreme intrusive thoughts/psychiatrist/counsellor

[Gettingthereslowly1]

I’m really desperate for any help please. DD 15 having extreme intrusive thoughts that multiply so much at times that she breaks down - completely exhausting her and she says she doesn’t want to live like this. All categories of thoughts - sexual, violent etc - literally anything which could shock her, plus concern she has said/done something offensive without realising it. Can no longer use iPhone.
GP says psychiatrist referral impossible at the moment so am having to find someone privately, along with therapist. Does anyone know anyone in Lincolnshire, Nottingham, Leicestershire, Peterborough, Derbyshire - or in fact anywhere? Literally no one is available /taking appointments and I am scared we are heading for a full mental breakdown if don’t get help soon.
I am trying to help her with CBT in the meantime but not really working. Am trying to teach myself and have read Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts, Breaking Free from OCD and have just ordered Break Free From OCD and Freeing your child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
She is terrorised by the thoughts rather than rituals, and I am not at all convinced that CBT alone will work since we’ve been trying it for several weeks already.
My heart goes out to mum who is coping with child with MH issues at the moment as this is just so heartbreaking 💐

Sorry I should correct that to any mum who is coping with a child….

Hi, CBT therapist here.
The problem here is not the thoughts, the thoughts really aren’t that interesting or important.
The problem is her responses to them and her beliefs about what they mean about her. They actually don’t mean much at all, other than she may be someone who has an inflated sense of responsibility for others well-being, and someone would be very very unlikely to ever cause anyone harm. The thoughts are ego-dystonic rather then ego-syntonic.

CBT gets great results for this in my experience. You can’t do CBT with her, she needs a professional which I’m aware you’re trying to find. Have you been on the BABCP register? Most therapists are doing online sessions so location shouldn’t be an issue.

The third wave approaches are also helpful. Thought action/fusion, thought defusion and mindfulness.

Don’t panic above all, this is common and treatable and really not a disaster, although I appreciate it must be awful to see her distressed.

There is a program called Pure she might feel validated by:

www.imdb.com/title/tt8147076/

I really feel for her. I was plagued by intrusive thoughts for years. I tried everything. One day someone showed me a table like this which showed just how many people have different intrusive thoughts www.octc.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/ocdonlineappendicesapril20th.pdf. I also googled examples of intrusive thoughts. I thought mine were special and truly twisted but it turns out that other people had had them all before. Every single one of them!
It really took the power of the thoughts away. I also read something about how the thoughts are the opposite of what you’d actually do and in no way an indication of me or things I subconsciously want to do. The exact oppposite in fact.
From then on, every time a thought popped into my head, rather than panicking, I acknowledged it, greeted it, accepted it and then forced myself to think about something else. The more I did this, the less and less power they had over me and the less they happened.
I still have the occasional one but they are now fleeting and they don’t scare me.
I wish her all the luck in the world. I wish I’d had someone to talk to about it who understood so if she does want to pm me, I promise I’m not an internet weirdy!

💐🌺💐 Thank you so much to you both for taking the time to reply. I am very touched and your support has been a real boost today.
Both of you has been so helpful
Orangelimes that list is just fantastic to link in to JudyGemstone’s advice that the key is to take the significance of the thoughts away. I’m going to print it and show it to her tomorrow. I’ve suggested writing down the thoughts to take away the significance earlier but she is adamant she doesn’t want to do that so the list of great timing.
And JudyGemstone, hearing from you as a professional in this field has felt very reassuring. I am using the site you mentioned, everyone tried so far isn’t taking on new people but I will keep trying. It’s a pain that it’s Christmas, I was really hoping to find her someone before then but we are 10 days into the search and I keep thinking I must be about to find someone soon.

Slee isn't local to you but I understand from a friend whose teenager worked with her that she offers online sessions. As you've not had any luck so far, maybe try contacting her?

Please look on OCD Uk and OCD Action. Your daughter needs specialist support. Your Gp cannot say “psychiatrist not possible” she needs to get on the camhs waiting list at least so she can then access NHS support at the OCD centres in Oxford and London. Very few people are qualified to offer CBT ERP to under 18s but many will take your money and say they can. She needs psychiatric assessment.

Also google Professor Veale from the Maudsley he offers private assessments which you can then take to CAMHS or your GP for referral.

@Gettingthereslowly1 my heart goes out to you. I know how frightening thins is for any parent along with a desperate need to help your daughter yet having your hands tied in many way.

I can't recommend the Facebook page "parenting mental health' enough. It has literally saved my sanity and held my hand through some really tough times.

Take comfort in the fact that your daughter is talking to you. That's a real positive. Try to look after yourself, because you can't take care of her of you're running on empty yourself.

I hope you find somewhere soon. Xx

@StaplesCorner I agree that getting onto a CAHMS waiting list is a good plan.

I have lived experience of this, and sadly I know that in my own area CAHMS now only accept a young person onto their lists if they deem the young person at immediate and serious risk of harm to themselves or someone else. This is generally evidenced by a suicide attempt. It is an utterly shocking state of affairs.

Once on the waiting list it takes on average 2 Years so actually see a psychiatrist.

It's a postcode lottery so some areas may be better. Ours is diabolical.

I don't want to derail the thread but I also don't want the OP to put all her eggs into CAMHS basket.

@Gettingthereslowly1 I'm sorry you're going through this - it's truly horrendous.
I second joining the private FB group 'Parenting Mental Health' it has saved my sanity on many occasions.

Thank you all so much for your help and support. Trying not to give up must have called 30 numbers today as well as working. David Veale has no appointments until July.

Hi OP this sounds very tough for you both. I'm glad you started this thread however as my DD 13 has been experiencing this to a slightly lesser degree - it definitely comes in waves and started during lockdown - for the last 18 or so months. Have you tried accessing pastoral care at school? Ours were able to refer her to the school wellbeing officer but needed DD to agree first which she's not wanted to do yet and luckily since that, she's going through a quieter time with it.

That list of thoughts is so helpful, I'm going to show that to her this evening even if just to normalise this for her slightly. I think one aspect that upsets her is not understanding WHY she's having such horrible thoughts. Like yours OP, DD also really worries about things she may or may not have done, it's like her mind is muddying memory and fantasy at times

I hope you can access one help soon, to you both.

And thanks to all those posting support too.

There's an app called MindShift which may help her in the meantime, also the website Kooth were both suggested to us by school.

The book Pure by Rose Bretecher is about this subject

Try here

welldoing.org/

Good luck, I have a troubled teenager as well, make sure you look after yourself as well.

Hi, I am really sorry that your daughter is going through this and you can't get the help she needs. I have been through the same thing with my 14 year old dd. She has always had subtle ocd traits, but it got much worse during the summer of 2020. I think lockdown had a huge impact on her. She was having horrendous intrusive thoughts about violence, sex, feeling as though she had done bad things, having false memories etc. She also couldn't use her phone, wouldn't talk to her sisters etc.

She was referred to Camhs as she was having suicidal thoughts. The Cahms team did exposure response therapy with her. They advised writing the thoughts down (she ripped them up immediately afterwards) and this helped get the thoughts out of her head. They advised her not to try to fight the thoughts, but rather acknowledge them and let them flow. She eventually was prescribed fluoxetine to help, as I noticed the ocd would get worse when she was stressed or anxious.

I would go back to your doctors and persist, as it is truly debilitating. I used some of the websites mentioned above, and tried some things myself with her. Just know that it will get better. My daughter is currently feeling a lot better, and we are learning as a family. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you everyone for your replies, it’s just so lovely to feel supported and every time a new one pops up I get a boost. Seems this area is in absolute crisis at the moment with no one having appointments for months.
Hardly anyone is responding after messages /emails, it’s so worrying that there must be lots of troubles teenagers out there but no help. Will continue persevering, have spent hours and hours on this so far, just really would like a psychiatric assessment before start with a therapist if that wasn’t truly impossible.
Fudge80 what you described sounds like we have the same daughter! Except no suicidal thoughts yet, just in last 10 days or so lots of wishing/hoping people would die which is distressing her so much as she says she absolutely doesn’t want that, but the OCD is pushing those thoughts forward.
This is just so horrible for anyone to have to endure.
💐🌺 lots of love to all mums out there trying to keep strong for their lovely children with such difficult issues

Change GP. Of course an emergency referral is always possible in this situation. No acceptable that you were fobbed of. Go back and stress that the situation is urgent.

@ElectraBlue unfortunately it is true. Young people in many areas currently have no access to psychiatry or psychotherapy despite having huge mental health challenges.

The best that can be done is usually access to a crisis team. These are mental health nurses, who give emergency support but there is no access to psychotherapist.

Even access to the crisis team is incredibly hard. Children who make suicide attempts, run away, suffer psychosis and end up in A&E most often don't get crisis care.

The situation is dire.

When needed I am capable of being a tiger mum- doing everything in my power to access urgent help for my child. This includes writing to my MP, raising complaints, begging, accessing casualty, knocking politely on every single door that I can. Believe me getting mental health support for a child is impossible in some places.

The OP's GP is probably doing her a favour by being honest about the likelihood of accessing a psychiatrist via the NHS. It is a truth that is incredibly hard to hear but sometimes it is best to know the truth so that you can then take appropriate action.

Have you tried the Priory Group? They have hospitals all over the uk and may be able to help?

The op is describing ocd. There are specific treatment pathways for ocd and these are explained by the two main charities OCD Action and OCD Uk for both children and adults. At such an advanced stage the Ops Dd needs one of the specialist pathways there is plenty of help and advice available.

I would advise trying to see a private psychiatrist if you can. I can suggest a couple, if you want to go that route.

My daughter has OCD (immune-mediated) and SSRIs have been helpful.

If it's any comfort OP my DD has experienced intrusive thoughts for some time. She has been seen twice through CAHMS and CBT was really helpful for her. She's 14 now and managing well. It is treatable. I found it helpful as a parent to read up on this to understand it better and it did shift my behaviour and approaches to parenting. Good luck finding the right help, but try and reassure your DD that it can get better and she's far from alone. It's not an uncommon issue.