I have (had) what I consider a positive relationship with my 3 teenagers. I have brought them up since their father left and they have enjoyed a good relationship with him, even if he is unable to be decent towards me. He has never paid a penny in maintenance and I have spent many years stressed and worried about money and probably, a bit too prone to shouting when it's all got too much. I do wonder if I have some underlying depression but never have time to do anything about it really. Just work, work, work.
This weekend, my 14 year old engineered a situation whereby he called me a terrible name (I can't even bare to write it), then told me to f off and used my first name rather than his usual 'mum'. We were having a discussion at the time but I was totally calm and not shouting at all. My younger child said that he had told him that he hated me and that he was going to start an argument so I threw him out. None of it makes sense - we had been to the optician earlier and the shops together and had had a good chat. No disagreements, nothing at all.
He left to go to his dad's. He has now told his dad lies about what happened - huge lies, the type of lie a half decent parent would consider calling social services for. So that's my job down the drain (I teach). Just waiting for that to all implode now.
But the hardest thing is the realisation that I had been tip-toeing around him for months because he had been talking to me like his dad used to talk to me. Same tone, allways to keep me in my place, condescending, talked down to. Always with a sense of 'I'm far, far better than you'. And so I'm relieved I no longer need to be on my tip toes and my home feels like my own again. But my boy, my beautiful boy. Full of misogyny and hate. I feel so lost.