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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Found suicide searches on DS14 phone

8 replies

crappytimes · 13/12/2021 10:56

My DS is quite shy/quiet but has some good friends so I try not to worry about him being introverted too much. Sometimes he just stays in his room on xbox and only appears for food - typical teen. He's got poor communication skills but always has since even little no matter how hard we all try to communicate with him. There aren't any issues at home. He's not keen on school these days - says it's boring. It's his first GSCE year so the work has ramped up now. Anyway, Friday we received his emailed end of term school report. It was OK, not outstanding but as usual his behaviour is excellent and he's on track for average gcse scores. It's still early days as he's only yr10 so I just said he needs to try and do extra work and revision etc. I didn't shout or tell him I was disappointed. I've had a DD struggling joining yr 7 and has developed a tic due to anxiety I think so I really try not to act pushy or disappointed as mental health is way more important. So over the weekend he's not played xbox - just lay on his bed scrolling through his phone. He does play football and watches his local football team so was out most of Saturday but again was just very quiet yesterday. I have access to his google account so wanted to scroll through his searches (sorry if this offends anyone) and found three searches on Friday evening after we discussed his report 'should I kill myself', 'best way to commit suicide' and he went on a wiki page on suicide methods. I feel sick to the stomach. What do I do? Should I talk to him about what I found? Obvs he will be upset I've snooped on his searches. His usual search history is 100% football related as he's footie mad.

OP posts:
Mischance · 13/12/2021 11:04

I think it might be best to talk with him about this if you can. The problem is that teenage boys are very hard to engage in conversation, as you will know. But I do not think it can be ignored.

If he is on track for average scores at GCSE, then a well done might be in order. We all want the best for our children, but, as you rightly say, sometimes other things take precedence and his mental health is top of the list right now.

School can be a total PITA for some children, especially as teenagers. The whole concept goes against their instincts at that age. My advice would be to ramp up the praise.

Ladyof · 13/12/2021 14:07

I would be bothered about how you bring it up, could you say someone at works son, brother cousin etc and talk about how it has effected the whole family, had his whole life ahead of him etc etc. Just say boys don't like to talk but it is important they do and you are always there to help him if everything gets too much. Thinking of you as I can't imagine what it is like to read them things.

Mischance · 13/12/2021 14:20

You might like to put him in touch with this: www.kooth.com/ It is an "online mental well-being community" for young people. I have known young people find it helpful.

crappytimes · 13/12/2021 14:25

Thank you all so much for your replies. All v helpful x

OP posts:
Howmanysleepsnow · 13/12/2021 14:26

Ask the question. Don’t skirt around the issue.
“You’ve been quieter than normal and seem a bit down. Sometimes, when people feel things are tough they have thoughts about not wanting to be alive. I’m worried you might be thinking that way. Have you had any thoughts like that?”

waterrat · 13/12/2021 21:38

I think the advice is that you deal with this directly if you think someone close is suicidal.

I'm sorry op what a horrible situation. 😔 have you tried samaritans they may advise on the best way to approach him

Hellocatshome · 13/12/2021 21:52

If U Care Share is an excellent charity and if you contact them I'm sure they will help you with how to approach things, give you resources etc. They do a lot of work with youth football teams/academies so might be able to give you information that your son feels he can relate to.

CruellaDeVilla · 16/12/2021 15:51

Have a look here

www.papyrus-uk.org/

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