Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

17 year old DD in constant bad mood/sulk

15 replies

LucySullivanIsGettingMarried · 10/12/2021 22:30

A couple of weekends ago DH and I went to a hotel overnight with our 14 year old. 17 year old DD stayed at home with our 24 year old DD. 17 year old did not want to come with us, we did offer her the opportunity.

A couple of nights before we went, 17 year old DD said she had invited 5 friends of hers to stay the night. Some of these are quite badly behaved and I wouldn't trust them not to cause damage in the house etc, so we said DD could pick one friend to sleepover that night. Cue a massive tantrum from her, crying and saying awful things to us.

I thought she'd get over it after a day or so, as she usually does snap out of moods but she has been in a foul mood and sulking now for the two weeks since we went.

She won't really speak to DH or I, and when she does she is rude and tries to pick argumentative. At home she sits in her room and won't engage with us at all. I collect her from sixth form in the car each afternoon and she literally gets in the car, slams the door and is either rude or won't speak to me for the journey home. If I ask her to do anything currently she starts shouting at me or comes out with nasty quips. Oh and she's also deleted me as a friend from FB, I've noticed. If I, for example, take clean laundry into her bedroom whilst she's in there she just glares at me. She ignores me when I say her tea is ready and comes down after about half an hour.

Im getting a bit fed up with it tbh. Attempts to talk to her about it end up with her screeching at me that she's 'not in a mood'.
DH thinks we should just ignore her sulking and outbursts but it's easy for him to say as it's me that ends up dealing with her/doing things for her.

Any suggestions? She's always been moody but snaps out of it fairly quickly but this time it's horrific and at the moment I hate being at home.

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 10/12/2021 22:46

Could she be depressed?

SnarkyBag · 10/12/2021 22:48

I’d probably be forgetting to pick her up from 6th form everyday and washing wouldn’t be making its way to her room and tea would be going in the bin after 15 minutes.

Original poster

LucySullivanIsGettingMarried · 10/12/2021 22:48

@FortunesFave I have wondered about that but she seems fine with her siblings and when I hear her talking to friends, so I'm really not sure. Not sure either how I can find out if she won't have a conversation with me and just screeches at me.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2021 22:53

What are the consequences for her rudeness? That behaviour would never have been tolerated when my kids were teens. Being upset, staying in her room, sulking like a toddler, fine. But the rudenes, abuse, and screaming? Hell. No.

ThackeryBinks · 10/12/2021 22:55

I have to say I'd remove devices and I think the bus would be character building. When she can behave better privileges come back.

Original poster

LucySullivanIsGettingMarried · 10/12/2021 22:55

No consequences at the moment unfortunately. DH thinks we should just ignore the moods and rudeness, and I feel like if I give any consequences it would just make things worse and make the mood last longer

OP posts:

mumofEandE · 10/12/2021 22:59

Following with interest as you have described my DD (16).
I too thought it might be depression but with her friends / other people's parents she is absolutely fine!

MadMadMadamMim · 10/12/2021 23:03

I'd be saying calmly to her I am not prepared to tolerate your rudeness any longer. You are not a toddler and need to start behaving in a more adult way. You are expected to be civil and polite to the people you live with as a basic minimum. Until you can manage this, please don't expect me to be picking you up or doing anything whatsoever for you. I am not your whipping boy and you don't get to take your nastiness out on me. When you are prepared to discuss your issues please let me know.

And I'd stick to it. She needs boundaries - and she needs to understand that women (including her mother) should not be expected to bow down and be treated like shit.

SE13Mummy · 10/12/2021 23:06

I would reconsider collecting her from sixth form if her attitude is that she can treat you however she likes and there are no consequences. I would also look at how I might be able to do things differently to avoid putting myself in the firing line e.g. leave clean laundry outside her room so she doesn't get the satisfaction of glaring at you, or asking a sibling/DH to take it up.

What's her relationship like with DH? Is she punishing you because she is holding you responsible for having to cancel four of the friends for the sleepover? Maybe DH needs to take her out for a walk/drive, let her know he's worried about her and that he's upset to see how she's treating you. She may just grunt at him but may talk. It would be an opportunity for him to say he's going to suggest to you that until she starts speaking to you in a friendly - not sarcastic - way, you won't collect her from sixth form because it's unpleasant for her and you.

MynameisWa · 10/12/2021 23:10

I had similar and when I went into her room and asked her why she hated us so much and what we had done wrong she burst into tears and said she wasn’t aware she was being so bad.

She’s been much better since.

rjacksmiss · 10/12/2021 23:11

@MadMadMadamMim

And I'd stick to it. She needs boundaries - and she needs to understand that women (including her mother) should not be expected to bow down and be treated like shit.

Absolutely!

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2021 23:18

@LucySullivanIsGettingMarried

Ignoring and tolerating this behaviour isn't doing her any favours. This isn't how the world works. Anywhere else, school, a job, she would face serious consequences. She's not a baby, stop ignoring her tantrums as though she is one.

stilldumdedumming · 10/12/2021 23:38

Is she upper 6th form or lower? Mine is upper and it's really hard going. I think she is overwhelmed a bit by school pressures

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 10/12/2021 23:42

That shit would not fly in my house, id completely ignore this. And stuff like washing she should be doing herself at her age. She sounds like a complete brat!

Janeandjohnny · 11/12/2021 00:25

@LucySullivanIsGettingMarried

There have to be consequences for poor behaviour and you are enabling her to ignore you by not having put these in place. Tell her you both want to tell her that she has 24 hours to lighten up as you are not being held hostage in your home by her emotions. End of. You are afraid to give consequences because you fear her mood. Do not give her this power.

Flip