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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Violent harassment in Year 10

4 replies

frillatilla · 10/12/2021 05:00

I am very happy with what I consider to be the violent harassment of my DS and the way the school has dealt with it.

It started in a sports lesson and the boy was kicking my DS constantly throughout the lesson. The boy started to ridicule my son about a very sensitive subject and so my son said something back that would hurt. Then the boy played victim.

Since then the boy has tried to physically attack my son on a further 4 occasions. The head of behaviour told my DS to stay out of his way which my tried to do.

It finally came to a head when this boy slat on the floor, threw his bag down and again went up to my son. He has threatened to kill my DS (on a different occasion) and all sorts. He was calling him a cunt and threatening him and went up to him nose to nose to intimidate him.

Some of my sons friends protected my son by trying to pull the boy away. The boy who dragged the troublemaker away got hit and a fight started. Then he hit another boy.

There was a teacher witnessing all this. My son inflamed the situation when the boy was told to go by shouting something out at him. The teacher had told my son to go in the other direction and my son had refused namely because he was in a hut that the boy couldn't attack him in and my sons friends were there acting as a shield in a way. I would not have wanted to leave either if I felt safe there.
My son got in trouble for defying the teacher. I think my son was wrong to shout something after the boy when he was leaving but that's it really, I don't blame him for not leaving himself wide open to another physical attack. The boy was verbally abusing and swearing at him too.

When my son was called in for this incident, the behaviour lead told my son that he didn't care that my son had done what he had said, and tried to stay out of this violent boy's way. He said it had come to this today and that's all he cared about.

His head of year called me up and told me that my son was getting punished but she had all the story back to front and was commiserating with the violent boy. She said she had spoken to my son about joint enterprise and how he would get in trouble for being there. I find this ridiculous a violent boy confronted my son to fight him and verbally abuse him spitting on the floor. My sons friend tried to pull the boy away so my son would be attacked and ended up getting hit. Then it happened to another boy who was protecting my DS.
It sounds like self defence to me.
She also said my son was swearing and he absolutely wasn't.

I do not like how this has been handled. My son was being harassed violently and it came to a head when the boy tried a fourth time but was shut down by people protecting my DS.

I confronted my son and he was so so upset and broke down and said that he is so frustrated that he did what the teachers said and stayed out of this boys way and they said they did not care. I feel this is bullying. I do not like the way this behaviour lead spoke with such disrespect and lack of empathy to my son. I also do not like the way my son has been lied about and accused of swearing.

I want to make a complaint. This would be the first time I have ever made a complaint in a school.
I am not happy with the threat to kill either. This boy had also attacked to other boys not part of my sons friendship group.

What is the best way to handle this (I admit I am not very good at speaking up and complaining), and who would be your first port of call to complain to?

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frillatilla · 10/12/2021 05:01

should say very unhappy Hmm

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ViceLikeBlip · 10/12/2021 05:16

Designated safeguarding lead (DSL) would be your next step up (although that's fairly likely to be the head of behaviour)

Or form tutor/any other liked and trusted classroom teacher could be a step down.

Head Teacher would come next, then Governers. Check the school's grievance policy- it should be on the website. It would be worth checking the official behaviour policy while you're there.

These situations are difficult for teachers, because if your son has done something wrong there have to be consequences, even if he was provoked. And you won't often find out the consequences for the other boy.

If it were me, I would be approaching the school with the question "what are you doing to keep my son safe", and listing out clearly all the ways/times that he has NOT been kept safe in school in the past X weeks.

frillatilla · 10/12/2021 11:33

Thank you for your advice.

I am sorry for the lack of punctuation and poorly written post - I woke up in the night and felt the need to blurt this out and ask for help.

The other boy has been excluded until January.

I think I may try the the headmaster. I am livid that they are talking about joint enterprise to my son, when he was the one being accosted.
I am also livid that they are lying about my son and getting things back to front.

The problem is my son endured the bullying and threat to kill without telling teachers. However when it came to a head the behaviour lead simply said he did not care about my son's efforts to stay away from this boy. I want to make a complaint about him in particular.

I think I may try the head teacher, as the other teachers involved are all senior.

I accept that my son needs a punishment for inflaming a situation and go some extent not reaching out for help when this boy was trying to attack him in previous occasions.

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frillatilla · 10/12/2021 11:52

I called the school and the Designated Safeguarding Lead is not the same man as the behaviour lead - thankfully.

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