DD quitting sixth form - what now?

[flapperdapper]

Headteacher rang today to suggest DD, 16, leave sixth form. She has suffered with anxiety and panic attacks especially since the first lockdown leading to school refusal and as a result her attendance has only been 48%. She just can’t face school and will lie in bed all day upset with herself. The headteacher hasn’t spoken to DD yet (we are going to have a face-to-face meeting soon to explore options) and I think DD will be extremely upset mainly because she doesn’t know what else to do with herself. Does anybody have any experience like this or any words of wisdom? Personally I agree that DD needs a break from education but not sure what else she can do.

Would she be able to do a job ? One of my dc friend just left college , got a full tome job in fast food chain, my other friend son got a job in a warehouse , which he finds boring and he is planning on now going to college
What about a college course come sept instead of 6th form ?

Apprenticeship ?

@worriedatthemoment

Would she be able to do a job ? One of my dc friend just left college , got a full tome job in fast food chain, my other friend son got a job in a warehouse , which he finds boring and he is planning on now going to college What about a college course come sept instead of 6th form ?

She does have a part-time job in a restaurant so presumably could get more hours there. Unlike school, she doesn’t find it hard to go to her job ever.

Is there something she could do to train for work in the catering/hospitality industry if she's enjoying the restaurant work? Some kind of apprenticeship or college course that would complement the part time job and give her the prospect of making a career in that field? It's not something I know much about but I'm sure there must be ways of combining education/training with work. If the restaurant is an environment she feels happy in, and it's something she has an interest in it seems like a good place to start. I have an ex colleague whose son had a part time job in a local hotel when he was in school and he took on an apprenticeship in hotel management after school and is now doing very well. Sixth form and University aren't the only way to get worthwhile qualifications and a good career and some people thrive in different environments. I hope she finds something that she enjoys and that the anxiety improves. Is she getting any help with that? Counselling might help both with the anxiety and with thinking about future choices.

Could she continue with A Levels via distance learning or online school? There are schools like Inter High which have live lessons or you can do it via correspondence, with a tutor marking your work - I think Oxford Homeschooling might work like that? If it’s the other kids she can’t face, one of these options could work alongside a part time job.

Now she works, and does distance learning as and when she wants to. Personally I'd not push this at the moment but would tell her she needed to up her work hours. Mh support if she needs it.

Try not to worry. It might be a slightly different life path than you were imagining but anything that means she's not stressed out spending the say in bed is a good thing.

I'd give her Christmas to think about what she would like to do next. My DD did not want to continue school after her GCSEs and we explored apprenticeships. She tried one but hated it so ended up leaving. She now has a permanent part time job in retail and she studies online to become a personal trainer. I had to pay for the online course but the alternative would have been College which she was adamant she didn't want to do. She is happy - she loves work and even though she doesn't yet know what she wants to do next, she's decided she will continue as is until she is 18 at which point she will have personal training qualifications if she wanted to pursue that or she can apply for apprenticeships / junior roles at that point.

Not everyone is suited to education and as long as she keeps herself occupied and is earning, I wouldn't stress too much about it.

I’d look into college. Ds is a different child since leaving school to go to college.

I continued in 6th form and then Uni with poor MH and did badly. I went back into higher education later and did way, way better, so I'd definitely think it's best to take a circular path sometimes.

People think education needs to be linear but it doesn't and every experience is worthwhile.

So agree with you @Wombat69. I did ok at uni but so much better when I went back ten years later for my masters.
My son barely scraped through GCSEs no way was he going to stay on for sixth form. He went to a vocational college and is now a fitness and personal trainer. He has been asking about access course in case he eventually wants to go to uni - who knows what he wants to do in five years time.
As long as your kid is doing something and not just sat in their rooms depressed and gaming, they will mature and decide eventually, whether that's to get a trade, a job or go back to continue to study.

I work in HE and in my experience it is actually not that uncommon to have taken a year or several out at some point and then returned to education (often very successfully), for all sorts of reasons -- mental or physical illness, parenthood, other caring responsibilities, bereavement etc. I'm sure your instinct is right that she needs a break now, it's a good sign that she enjoys working and can motivate herself for that. Leaving education now definitely doesn't mean doing so forever. One of my sisters continued with sixth form through what was (probably, in retrospect) a breakdown and I think it did a lot of damage. The students who've taken slightly less direct routes are often the best ones!

Sounds like an apprenticeship might be excellent for her?

Sounds like she just needs a break for a while. She can go back to studying later

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and words of wisdom. She was getting CBT via CAMHS but wasn’t really effective for her at the time. I think she just needs a break and to regroup. Definitely don’t want to rush into anything.

@Porcupineintherough Interesting that DD wants to do a personal trainer course too!

My ds has just left Y13 due to ME/CFS, Anxiety & Depression. He is taking the rest of the school year to try & get better & then he is considering doing an OU degree.

I've actually done the PT course. It was really good fun and you could get a loan to do it, once old enough.

There's loads of things you can do like exercise referral after too.

Has she been checked for adhd or asd? Particularly difficult to spot if she's gifted or masks well. Obv not everyone is ND but I mention it because of the cbt comments.

Have you considered applying for an EHCNA? DC whose MH prevents them from attending meet the relatively low threshold for an EHCNA. The benefit of an EHCP is as well as academic SEN provision it can include therapies.

If she's willing take the learning online. I'd really not advise leaving education with only gcses. She's going to have to get more exams sooner or later. Point out job choices available with only her current exams. Ask her if she's willing to home educate. Or apprenticeship. Find out all the options before agreeing to this.

HI @flapperdapper you could be describing my DD - except mine is older. You mentioned CAMHS and I wonder whether that is at the heart of it. My Dd was due to take her a-levels last yr but that was wiped out because of her anorexia. She has gone back to do 6th form again but at the same time has a part time job in a restaurant/bar. She loves the job and in many ways it has been the making of her. She's able to do well at work but is struggling at 6th form because her cognitive state is not where it needs to be yet - but she is trying so hard. On any given day Dd would happily give up 6th form and go full time in work, or she's keen to leave home and go to university.

All we can do is try to help her to combat the anorexia to allow her cognitive function to improve and hope that allows her to make the best decision she can - but it is so hard so I sympathise muchly!