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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Social services Early Help….help!!

22 replies

Swanman · 07/12/2021 20:53

My DS has become a 14 yo monster overnight when trying to get him off phone he became extremely rude and DH had to tell him off. My neighbours called police with. 999 call they attended and ascertain no threat to life happening. A month or so later we were in the same situation with neighbour calling police again they left after ascertaining again nothing happened other than an argument. The police contacted my DD 9 yo school and they called to see if we needed early help which we didn’t as the problem is having a teenager who doesn’t listen. Then SS called to say school had referred us for not accepting early intervention and three years ago DD had told school she was upset as she hoped to have a friend sleep over but had been told no because Daddy shouts…I have no idea where this story has come from but now feel bullied into taking Early help on the false allegations of DA made by some neighbour. I don’t feel we need early help and know it’s voluntary and feel but feel like it doesn’t matter what we say. This is making me physically sick I’m worried out of my mind as my kids are happy, cared and loved and feel like our side is not being listened to based on just these talks with school and SS. Has anyone been through this or able to offer any advice

OP posts:

SmallGreenStripes · 07/12/2021 20:55

Your neighbour called the police because they heard your DH telling off your son?

There must be a lot more to this ….

Wfhquery · 07/12/2021 20:58

We had something similar although my child is younger and has Sen but can have aloud violent meltdowns. Early help will just assess and prob conclude you need no help, you may as well just jump through the hoops to show you are engaging

Fallagain · 07/12/2021 20:59

There must have been a lot of an shouting going on if the neighbours could hear it and it worried them enough to contact the police. Perhaps you do need some help.

Original poster

Swanman · 07/12/2021 21:00

We are is dispute with 1 neighbour so could be malicious or appreciate people misinterpret situations the Police even apologised saying they have to attend

OP posts:

1haudyerwheesht · 07/12/2021 21:01

'The police contacted my DD 9 yo school and they called to see if we needed early help which we didn’t as the problem is having a teenager who doesn’t listen.'

I can see this though process being the issue. You think your son is a problem which needs fixed. Why not take the help and learn different parenting techniques and approaches which he may respond better to? Use the help to improve communication in the family.

Original poster

Swanman · 07/12/2021 21:04

@Fallagain

There must have been a lot of an shouting going on if the neighbours could hear it and it worried them enough to contact the police. Perhaps you do need some help.

Thanks

OP posts:

Kite22 · 07/12/2021 21:05

I agree with @SmallGreenStripes, with @Fallagain , and very much with what @1haudyerwheesht said.

Early Help is just that. Trying to put some support in before it gets to Social Work level.

Original poster

Swanman · 07/12/2021 21:08

@Wfhquery

Thank you I know that is the probable outcome and I’m not adverse to taking help….just the whole process is not really explained very well by SS

OP posts:

ANameChangeAgain · 07/12/2021 21:33

People are very naive to assume no smoke without fire - ie, must be more to it. A couple of good friends have been dragged over the coals because of malicious police / ss reports.
I would say take the help, if only to prove them wrong. It might give you coping tools to deal with DS. Speak to school and check his phone, as his reaction was very ott. Make sure there isn't anything untoward going on with him. The real danger amongst kids this age is gateway drugs.

Blendiful · 07/12/2021 22:19

People panic when SS come calling/knocking. But if you are doing your best parenting there really isn’t anything to worry about.

Taking the help is fine, they might be able to suggest some things or do some things to help. If not that’ll be the end of it and they’ll close the case.

There really is nothing to worry about.

Wfhquery · 08/12/2021 11:23

@Kite22

I agree with *@SmallGreenStripes, with @Fallagain , and very much with what @1haudyerwheesht* said.

Early Help is just that. Trying to put some support in before it gets to Social Work level.

That’s isn’t my experience or a lot of people I know, infact I nicknamed them ‘early no help’

MultiStorey · 08/12/2021 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 11:41

Very odd for your neighbours to phone 999 twice. And something was occuring when they did.

Do you need help op?

NellieBertram · 08/12/2021 11:45

Two police calls and your other child complaining about "daddy shouting" does suggest it is more than an average level of shouting going on.

I'd accept the help and see if there is a parenting course specifically about teenagers that your DH could attend.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 11:57

I think what’s also concerning is not just your neighbours feeling rhe need to call 999 but the fact you fully blame what’s occured on your son. When it doesn’t look like he was the one they were calling emergency services on. It feels like victim blaming.

TurnUpTurnip · 08/12/2021 12:00

No help but just to say you are not alone, my daughter is 10 and has asd and recently has started refusing to go to school, instead of actually trying to find out why, all school want to do is refer ME to early help! It’s comments on this thread which is the reason I will be declining, if people know you have ss involved they always assume there is “no smoke without fire” and must be more to the story, there is a stigma to having them involved.

Atypicaldancer · 09/12/2021 21:19

I didn’t decline early help - I let them come and see my home, told them all I was doing privately to support Dd and then they said they didn’t think an assessment would help. It’s not social services - it will be a family support worker if it’s not a safeguarding issue.

KingofQueens · 09/12/2021 21:27

Maybe you are used to a certain level of shouting which actually isn't acceptable in most families and your neighbours are worried.
I don't think shouting is normal or acceptable- despite having being parented that way myself - and if my neighbours were shouting a lot and loudly at their children it would concern me.
My baseline is - would I speak to a friend like that? If it's not acceptable to a friend, think about why and then think about if those reasons also apply to your children.

felulageller · 09/12/2021 23:05

Your DP needs to stop shouting

Problem solved

scrivette · 09/12/2021 23:18

Early Help is a consent based service and they work with the family. They try to step in before it gets to Social Services intervention.

Early Help will work with you and the family to set some achievable goals and will work together with you to help to achieve the set goals.

I would recommend Early Helps offer as they may be able to offer strategies to help with your teen/reduce the amount of shouting in the household. Best of luck and it's really nothing to worry about.

Stevenage689 · 09/12/2021 23:42

Your husband doesn't need to shout to tell your son off. The most effective telling off certainly can't be heard next door. It's a firm talk, not a shouting match.

Nat6999 · 10/12/2021 02:32

I got referred to SS three times when ds was young, once was over my late dp, alcohol & DV, the other twice was malicious calls, they will try to push you on to a parenting course, you just have to jump through their hoops, they don't actually do anything except push you to do things & expect you to do them.

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