Boyfriend break up Anyone relate

[twoblueskies]

DD and BF broke up 6 weeks ago . DD wasn't treating him very well and potentially cheating on him with his mate . I told her she was being really unfair
She was angry with him when he broke it off at my suggestion ( intimate photos of them ) DD looked like she was getting together with his mate but thank goodness he called it off .

I sometimes see him around locally , he looks thin . He used to come over 2 / 3 times a week and was easy to get on with . He was her first BF

I worried about him tbh he would confide in me about trying to improve things with his dad and not seeing his mum and siblings . He was in counselling and has possible eating disorder . He talked about working hard at school to get a good job and not be poor and was a good influence on my DD. He loved her too in a 14 year old way .

I got far too much emotionally attached .I know it's right that they are not together because my DD doesn't want him .

But when I see him I feel my heartache .

Today he waved at me for the first time and I pulled the car over to say hi . I asked how he was and he said yah know . I noticed he was shaking and he wanted to talk . He apologised for his behaviour ( I saw intimate pictures of them ) and said he felt bad because we'd been good to him and he missed us but not DD . He then asked if I could get my DD phone and delete photos of him because she was sending unflattering photos of him to mutual friends . I asked if anything else and he said he just wanted to move on and get his mental health back on track .
I know he's in trouble with the police and is no angel but he was lovely with my Dd and she was awful to him because she wasn't into him .

But he's bright and a gentle personality and I just took to him straight away . I tell myself he's a toughie and he'll be alright but I'm hoping I'll soon stop worrying about him .

I had to pull over afterwards and have a little cry / pull myself together .

Please don't tell me I'm weird . He's not my son and I know they won't get back together

Anyone relate

Bump Anyone

You know yourself you have got too attached.
Your dd is only 14 and will have many bf and friends and you can't go getting attached to them all.
Your dd and her ex bf are moving on you need to do the same delete the photos and tell your dd it's wrong to share his photos that he doesn't want shared concentrate on getting your own Dd to do the right thing.
You do sound a very nice person but they are 14.

Thankyou for replying @Andi2020

You are spot on . I'm trying to teach my DD how to be fair when relationships end absolutely.

I used to work with vulnerable young people in SS . And I recognised his vulnerability straight away . I don't feel a referral is appropriate his parent does look after him , but I do see when a kid is struggling and he is in counselling

and I'm now a parent , not a professional . I think he's tapping into my wanting to help but ofc that is not at all appropriate.

I just want to stop wondering if he's ok . It'll take time I suppose .

I think it’s only natural that you care about this lad - but obviously they have both moved on and you need to aswell of course. Absolutely have a word with your daughter and delete ALL photos of him. I think focus your efforts on your daughter and have a chat with how’s she’s acting - she’s only 14 and so clearly immature towards relationships but that’s no excuse for intentionally hurting someone’s feelings. It will make you feel better and that’s the best way to help him - to guide your daughter into acting kinder.

Thankyou .
I am v much talking to my DD , and trying to guide her about how to break up with dignity , she is hating him because he hurt her when he finished it and she says if she doesn't hate him she would still have feelings for him .

Yesterday night I got a call asking if I would go and pick him up . He'd given my number to the police who had him for trespassing when barred . I told them they would have to call his dad as I didn't have parental responsibility.

I know I can't look after him because I have to choose my daughter and she is still getting over him . Ofc he is not an ideal choice for my daughter at all but as I'm an adoptive parent of my youngest child my heart is really going out to this lad . It's taking all my effort not to worry about him .

My husband is saying I can't save the world but this is hard

Thankyou for reading

It sounds very tough for you and I sympathise completely. I understand why you feel the way you do.

Thank you it is really really really tough.

He has a dad but his need for a mum ! , he misses his mum talked about wanting to see her , and hasn't seen her for 8 years . I never stepped into that role , just listened when he told me things . My DD told me he would often cry when they talked . He was too much for her really , she's only 14 and quite immature so I'm not surprised it's over . She needs a fun bf at her age .