Sandwich generation - anyone else pulled between elderly parent and teens?

[SandwichedPerson]

I feel like I was once a very buoyant sandwich with lots of salad and yummy fillings but the last couple of years has reduced me to a soggy cucumber and Shipham's meat paste mess.

Anyone else torn between the two at the moment?

Mine are in another country...parents that is but I do sympathise as I have teens and know how demanding they are. I never expected them to want to spend so much time with me! Do yours want to spend a lot of time with you?

My mum was diagnosed with dementia when my ds was a toddler, and my parents died last year when he was 14. So yes, I totally know what it is to be sandwiched

It's looming on the horizon for us, PIL have recently moved back to our area after 20 years living 200 miles from us and both sets of DP's are in their 70's and beginning to have some health problems. I can see support for both sets falling predominantly to us.

DD is just hitting her teens, DSC (from DH's first marriage) are early 20's and one has our 2yo DGC so family life is already busy. I feel like I'm sort of battening down the hatches for the moment, I can see what's to come and I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel daunting so I'm just trying to prepare myself I think.

Not in terms of care but in terms of attitude- my kids think I’m a complete dinosaur in not being fully signed up to gender identity etc whereas my parents call me a snowflake if I so much as suggest that sexism exists. Christmas dinner should be fun

Ah yes…. not so easy this phase

MIL alone and on the downward spiral of vascular dementia, kids A levels and now at uni, spent the last 3 years wading through treacle... coming out the other side a bit now thankfully

Yes, it was so difficult with full on FT work, supporting teen ds going through exam years in lockdown and mum frail and housebound coping with the isolation of lockdown and not understanding why I couldn't just pop over everyday (20 min drive away).

I had 2 colleagues around same age and stage with kids and parents as me and it helped to have someone to talk to that understood the pressures and guilt of not being able to do everything and the guilt of feeling resentful I didn't have time to support ds (or even occasionally time for myself!) when mum needed me urgently.

Thankfully one of those colleagues is my boss so she is very supportive with WFH, flexible working for appointments and unplanned visits to mums during the day for emergencies. That made a huge difference.

God yes, that's me, a soggy limp sandwich that is past its sell by date! I'm stuck between my elderly parents who I care for, and my 3 teenager/young adults. It's not easy at all and the longer it goes on the more I resent it (the parents side, not my own family). I had to give up work to care for my parents and while I know they appreciate it , mentally it's killing me. It was only ever meant to be short term but here we are 3 years later.......

The last two years have been incredibly difficult yes with two autistic teens who have required a lot of support plus dh's mum with dementia and his dad not coping.

Social services wanted us to provide 24/7 care for mil when fil went into hospital, just as we had got ds back on track and he's been discharged from CAMHS.

Just found this thread.

Yes know this feeling. Trying to support MIL after the death of FIL last year during the lockdown and at the same time two teens going through GCSEs and A levels.

That's without my own parents dad just been diagnosed with dementia and mum isolated (they seperated)

It's really hard and I feel constantly guilty - managing to talk myself out of it and reminding myself there is only so much you can do.

It's absolutely hideous.

My lovely dad fell and broke his back this time 3 years ago, made a partial recovery physically but was never the same after.

September of that year DD started her GCSEs...then 6 months later Covid and lockdown. 2 weeks in we were advised that my dad was to be put on the end of life care pathway.

He hung on for over a year, bedridden, ultimately blind, doubly incontinent, frequently in pain and or confused.

I'm an only child and a single parent so navigating the whole lot fell on me. After being signed off with stress for 2 month late 2020 I was offered a sabbatical and subsequently handed my notice in.

My DD is 17.5 now and doing A-levels. She has been unbelievably resilient through it all, but it makes me sad that she's had to deal with so much that she really shouldn't have at her age and be far more independent than most teens.

Meanwhile I'm 'caring' social secretary, taxi driver and emotional punchbag for my mum full time atm, my health, social life and finances are shot to shit.

Looking for a part time job and hoping to rebuild this year but feels a bit like climbing Mt Everest in stilettos.

Will just add that The Cockroach Cafe on the Elderly Parents thread is amazing and along with my best mate has probably been largely responsible for keeping me somewhat sane for the last few years.

Me too.

Single mum with two teen dd. (With abusive exh trying to control me via the dc). One has SN. Sn teen needs loads of extra support and displays constant verbally abusive and physically violent outbursts. I am having to go to multiple meetings or zoom re the dc every week. And take sn teen to meetings.

Parents have multiple health issues. I am always either on the phone to the care agency or the day centre or adult social care. Or running their home for them.
All they do for themselves is make tea and toast and put themselves to bed.

I also work PT.

Quite frankly I have had enough and I often dont think I can cope with another day of it.

I havent had a relaxing evening for weeks. Tonight sn teen had a 40 minute meltdown with violence because we dont live in a house and she says I am not providing for our housing needs adequately. (we live in a 2 bed flat which I own. I cant afford a house).