Ds13 said he wanted to kill himself last night

[blubberball]

He's been struggling with covid life in general, and school. He has an activity he does after school twice a week, but other than that his routine is school, online, bed. I have disabilities myself, as well as his younger sibling. He is a registered young carer for both of us.

I called the crisis team last night, and they said that he probably expressed feeling suicidal through frustration, but I'm going to call the GP this morning, and remove the computer from his room. I'm going to try to get him to more activities throughout the week, so he has some more things to do after school. He already goes to counselling at school, but I'll let them know what's been going on. I'm trying to get him more support at school.

I don't know what else to do, and feel terrible.

Sorry to hear about how your ds is feeling OP.

Perhaps you could sit and have a chat with DS and explain how serious the words 'I want to kill myself' can be perceived as. After explaining, perhaps you could ask DS if he, in fact actually meant that or was he feeling another emotion such as frustration, anger etc.

I would also contact the pastoral/safeguarding team at DS's school. They may have counsellors or pastoral support staff that can speak to your DS regularly and he will have an outlet to communicate his emotions with someone, particularly if he is a young carer like you mentioned.

In the mean-time, maybe he could sit in the garden (if you have one). Have a friend around (depending on the Covid situation) or maybe you could watch some Christmas movies together and just bond.

Thanks. He does go to counselling once a week, so I'm glad he has someone at school to talk to. The male suicide rate in this country terrifies me, and we have lost a member of our family to suicide in the past. I will definitely message the school again this morning, and call the doctors. I will speak to him as you said. Thank you

Is he in any young carers groups? They offer activities away from the home and also space to talk to people in a similar position. Y

@AgentProvocateur

Is he in any young carers groups? They offer activities away from the home and also space to talk to people in a similar position. Y

Yes I agree with this. Cripes I honestly don't want this to sound harsh, but having been a young carer for a parent and a sibling it's really challenging.

Won’t removing his computer feel like a punishment to him? I understand that you are scared of what he may be able to access online. But he hasn’t done anything wrong, and if he feels he is being punished it may prevent him from confiding in you another time. Keeping the lines of communication open is the key thing. Keep talking to him and listening to him.

I agree with pp that at his age he may not fully realise the seriousness of his words. That doesn’t mean you should minimise this though.

Sending hugs OP. It’s hard being (or parenting) a teen, especially at the moment.

Yes, Young Carers is amazing. Some groups have volunteers that will pick them up for activities as well. Please contact them.

How limiting are your and your other DC's disabilities? How much caring does he actually do?

Maybe bring his computer downstairs for a while, so you are being more proactive with overseeing his activities online.
13 is a tough age, raging hormones, emotions all over the place, peers maybe forming relationships with girls/boys. My DS is 13 and it's a minefield to navigate his state of mind sometimes.

Definitely call the GP. Ask for a psych referral. You are absolutely correct that he needs help. There’s a great book ‘Dont Let go’ that helped me ‘partner’ rather than parent my child through a hideous time last year. My DD took overdoses. It’s great that he’s opened up to you and told you this as it’s an opportunity to help him. Without bombarding him with questions find out what could help. It maybe nothing. Sometimes they just feel so shit. My DD didn’t need activities or anything we could provide; she needed meds and then CBT/DBT. There’s also Young Minds and Papyrus for support. Partnering Mental Health also support parents. Sending love.

Thank you. Yes he is in young carers, and they are very good with activities etc. I just don't know what to do. I will contact the GP this morning, and the school as well.