Teen daughter so hard

[DMVJ]

Hi
Teen daughter 14 pushes every button. She will never do anything at all when I ask. Ever. Full on rebellion at every suggestion. Small. Or large. How do people cope? I'm not coping at all.

Hi there

No suggestions but wanted to offer a show of solidarity as I've just gone to have a bath to avoid killing my DS
He is foul-mouthed, aggressive, lies about everything, does nothing at school so likely to fail his GCSE's the. God knows what will happen there and is a lazy slob who is totally self absorbed and does literally NOTHING unless it benefits him. It's bloody heartbreaking and I often breathe a sigh of relief / have a cry when he goes to bed and mourn the lovely boy he once was

Sorry I can't help but you're not alone

Sometimes we get into habits of how we relate to each other. If she resists every suggestion then maybe that has just become her default.

I'm going to suggest the book How to talk so Teenagers will listen.

They can be a nightmare. Things I done as punishment until she done what I asled, remove her phone and devices, turn off the Internet or change the code. Stop giving her money or allowing her to go places with friends. What sort of things is she doing/not doing? Sometimes you do need to pick your battles also.

If it helps, my daughter was similar at 14. Now she's 16 she's bloody marvellous - almost the complete opposite. Yesterday she accompanied me to a classical concert my colleague was performing in (I didn't want to go, not my thing, but she persuaded me that we should go together to support him). She commented on the way how much she likes spending time with me and referred to how she was at 14 by saying "I was weird then, and not very kind".
Maybe buy/borrow Get Out Of My Life...But First Take Me And Alex Into Town.
Really helpful strategies and advice on picking battles.
It will get better. It's a phase - a bloody difficult one, but a phase.

I thoroughly recommend Get out my life....but first take me and Alex and town too.

It's so hard isn't it. I keep telling myself it's just a stage and it'll get better. I feel for you.

@worriedmum20000 yes. Same here. Hate it. I made so many mistakes.

@DMVJ . I hear you !
What mistakes do you feel you made . I'm at the beginning here

@twoblueskies I controlled two much and not enough. I controlled what we did. But not who we spent time with. I think consistent like minded same age friends is the key. Both for you and her.
Also needed to spend a lot more time with her. A lot when she was young. Now it's too late.

I got too many babysitters. Should have had family as babysitters. I didn't. Big mistake.

Scbchl Fri 26-Nov-21 10:23:48
They can be a nightmare. Things I done as punishment until she done what I asled...

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What?