15 and had sex - help

[Ladyof]

I've just found out my daughter has had sex, I asked her as I suspected and she told me yes. She was 15 in June.

She had been close friends with this lad for about 12 months then been seeing him for about 6 months. He is a lovely lad, just 16 and both were virgins.

They used a condom. I didn't say much asked I'd she felt pressured she said no, was she OK she said yes. What would you have said or done?

I’m a long way off this stage yet, but thinking back to younger sisters etc. and how my mum handled it (badly) I would say that the important thing to do is be supportive without sanctioning them. So

“Have you thought about longer term contraceptive choices? Would you like me to go with you to the nurse/clinic?”

“Can we talk about what happens if something goes wrong” (pregnancy etc- does she know what her choices would be?)

But not letting them sleep over at your house etc-they are, after all, under age. It may also be worth checking in with the boys parents to see what their house rules are. You don’t need to tell them you know their kid has had sex. Maybe just call up to say you think it’s getting quite serious between the two of them, and you’d just like to check that you and they are on the same page in terms of what’s appropriate etc.

I agree with making sure that she knows the potential consequences of sex (even when using contraception) and has a plan re: what to do if she doesn't want a baby.

So, make sure she knows about the morning after pill, that it's most effective if you take it as soon as possible after unprotected intercourse, where to get it. Might even be worth getting a course in just in case.

That abortion is an option she can consider and the options for that.

That if she doesn't want a baby or to have an abortion she might want to consider more effective contraception than condoms.

Might also be worth making sure you keep dripping in messages re: sex should be fun, she never has to do anything that doesn't feel good for her, and she should never feel she has to have sex for any reason other than she wants to.

Agree with @ditalini

Oh- and one that I know sadly from friends of mine with older children- make sure she knows it’s a very very bad idea to let the boyf take videos, pictures, etc.of anything she wouldn’t want you or her classmates or teachers to see.

And not to send any either.

Explain why, and that although you’re not suggesting her boyfriend is the sort of person to do that, it’s better not to risk it, it’s very hard to make sure that phones etc. are totally secure.

Sad but very necessary

I would make sure that BOTH of them understand the consequences of having sex. How would he feel if she had an abortion, or kept the baby but didn’t want him involved? My DS s girl friend was 15 and we let her stay over with her parents consent. I would sooner they had sex in his bedroom rather than in the park or a doorway. And yes, I had a very long talk with DS about the consequences of sex.