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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS Smoking weed

19 replies

Frazzledmum239 · 22/11/2021 22:46

My son 17 has been smoking weed and it has started to affect his day to day life, he has lost all motivation for college and turning up late to college, not handing work in and not interested in anything he does anymore. it has affected his mental health, our relationship is at an all time low he shouts and swears and gets very angry. He treats the house like a hotel and thinks he can come and go as he pleases. He tells so many lies and i just don't believe a word he says anymore. There is so much disrespect. I am at my wits end and just don't know what to do anymore. How can i help him?

OP posts:
Lostmyheart101 · 22/11/2021 22:49

Kick him out.

Could go the other way though and make it all worse so maybe not a risk you want to take?

Colette · 25/11/2021 21:38

This is an ongoing problem for my ds too, Don’t think making him homeless is the answer

tocas · 25/11/2021 21:39

Boundaries.

Goawayangryman · 25/11/2021 21:42

How is he affording to buy weed? Does he have a job or do you give him spends? If the latter I'd stop that straight away.

Croesotygwyn · 28/11/2021 18:18

It’s a real tough one. My DS 16 smokes weed almost daily - it really worries me. He works and pays for it himself so I have no control whatsoever. I know your son is in college so it must be very frustrating seeing him not hand his work in etc.

I don’t think throwing him out is going to help in anyway. Are you able to have a frank discussion with him and may be put some boundaries in place? It’s so hard as a lot of teenage boys are just so lazy as well.

So for example with mine I point out how much I do for him - lifts, buying his favourite foods etc and remind him that it’s only respectful he reciprocates by doing some chores like laundry or empty the dishwasher. Often he’ll agree and then just not do it but sometimes he will. I don’t think a hard approach will be effective- try and negotiate.

It won’t always be like this

bluetowers · 28/11/2021 18:21

My friends DS spend 2 years like this. Then one day decided he actually needed to sort his life out. She didn't kick him out despite horrendous issues and stealing as he'd have ended up living somewhere worse / dangerous or with stronger drugs

LizzieSiddal · 28/11/2021 18:24

Does he have an another adult who he really respects and looks up to? Some mentoring/ time spent with that person, may turn things around for him.

Ay2k1 · 29/11/2021 01:30

It’s not the weed it’s the person ..

Meltinthemiddle · 01/12/2021 22:32

Following having similar issues too.

Colette · 02/12/2021 11:13

Meltinthemiddle sorry but welcome. How are things frazzled?

schnubbins · 02/12/2021 11:26

My son was like this at aged 16 being supplied by one of his good friends who had a thriving business supplying the kids at various schools in our area He stopped smoking when he saw how many of his friends fell by the wayside academically and how many of them developed psychosis
With regard to his 'friend' I went to his parents . Told them what was going on .They feigned no knowledge of their little darlings booming business .I threatened to go to the police .He was sent away for a while and straightened himself out .I still see him regularly .He avoids me as do his parents.

Colette · 02/12/2021 12:51

Thanks schnubbins , So good to hear your son saw the dangers him self. The psychosis risk particularly worries me but do ds dismisses it , Whilst being more open to conspiracy theories

Ay2k1 · 03/12/2021 23:58

@Colette

Thanks schnubbins , So good to hear your son saw the dangers him self. The psychosis risk particularly worries me but do ds dismisses it , Whilst being more open to conspiracy theories
Honestly people read a few bad articles on weed and hate it You can have psychosis off alcohol if you drink enough
Ay2k1 · 04/12/2021 00:01

Not staying 16 year olds should be smoking though as weed has effects on the developing brain

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/12/2021 00:07

I don't know how you can help him as such, but I think a good starting place is to try and work out why he wants to smoke weed, why he's trying to numb himself.

waterrat · 04/12/2021 09:55

Actually @Ay2k1 I'm sure plenty of the parents here have lots of experience of either taking drugs and smoking weed themselves or having friends do it when they were teens themselves. Why the dismissive comment about people being ignorant.

I grew yo watching most of my friends smoke a lot of weed and the reality is some young people have an inability to moderate or control how much they smoke. It also quote clearly exacerbates any existing mental health conditions and is linked incontrovertibly to psychosis though of course not in all smokers.

My own boyfriend at 17 had psychotic breakdown that saw him sectioned and his weed smoking very clearly worsened it and I think unfortunately embedded the mental health crisis so severely he could not climb out.

This isn't a daily mail style rant about weed. Plenty of teens smoke a bit and have normal lives. For those teenagers who don't have healthy habits yes it does demotivate etc

I would say the idea of a healthy mentor who could speak to him might help. Otherwise just keep channel's of communication open and try to build healthy relationships if there are things you can still find a way to enjoy tgehter.

He is going into the adult world and in the end you have to hope he will grow out of it

Colette · 04/12/2021 11:26

@Ay2k1 my comment wasn’t linked to reading a few articles!!

Colette · 04/12/2021 13:44

Thanks waterrat , that advice is useful, hope your bf mental health had significantly improved

Comingup · 06/12/2021 20:33

Same. No advice but just letting you know there's a fair few of us right where you are. It is really hard.

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