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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 year old son wants to go in car with his cousin

9 replies

CocoCaz · 20/11/2021 23:33

Hi,

My nephew is 18 and passed his driving test around 6 months ago. He's always been a bit of a dare devil kid and when my adult daughter went in the car with him she said he drives a bit fast and is a bit aggressive with other drivers

My son will be 16 next month and enjoys going to airsoft which I used to take them all to. He has said he wants to go with his cousin and that I don't need to take them as his nephew will drive

I said I'd rather he didn't travel with his cousin as I'm concerned about his driving and he says my daughter is just overly nervous and that I can't stop him going

How do I deal with this? He's right isn't he that I can't really stop him going? He is 16 in about 4 weeks. Am I just going to have to reluctantly let him go and just worry myself sick ?

OP posts:
2020isnotbehaving · 20/11/2021 23:40

No way! You said yourself the kid is dare devil and your daughter says droves to fast. That’s not going be improved by showing off to a younger cousin. It’s not illegal but lots chat while back about banning passengers for under 21 for least first 12m or restriction on passenger ages.

1 in 5 new drivers will have accident in first year that’s bad enough risk without knowing they are likely speed show off and be aggressive. Are you going pay for his driving lessons? That may be your only bargaining chip here

spotcheck · 20/11/2021 23:43

Are you close enough with your nephew to have a discussion about being responsible for others when they are in his car/care?

Original poster
CocoCaz · 20/11/2021 23:47

@2020isnotbehaving

No way! You said yourself the kid is dare devil and your daughter says droves to fast. That’s not going be improved by showing off to a younger cousin. It’s not illegal but lots chat while back about banning passengers for under 21 for least first 12m or restriction on passenger ages.

1 in 5 new drivers will have accident in first year that’s bad enough risk without knowing they are likely speed show off and be aggressive. Are you going pay for his driving lessons? That may be your only bargaining chip here

When you say am I going to pay for his driving lessons you mean my sons? Yes when he gets to 17 I will and I'm saving so I can get him a small car too but his could I use that as bargaining power?
OP posts:
Original poster
CocoCaz · 20/11/2021 23:49

@spotcheck

Are you close enough with your nephew to have a discussion about being responsible for others when they are in his car/care?
Yes I am close to him and he has promised me he would drive carefully. When my daughter was with him he was driving my mums car which didn't have a black box so I'm guessing he took advantage of that. I could say he is only to go in his own car so I know he will have to drive sensibly? Even then I hate the thought of it!!
OP posts:
2020isnotbehaving · 20/11/2021 23:50

I would be tempted say for every time he goes in the car lessons get delayed 6 months. Fully his choice choose what option he takes. If the driver was more careful and calm it would be much less of an issue but sounds really risky. We all done stupid things as kids that looking back what where we thinking! Don’t envy your position

Original poster
CocoCaz · 20/11/2021 23:55

Yes I think I could use that as bargaining I guess.

My Mum reckons he drives fine when she's been in the car with him but then he probably would with his grandma! As you say, you don't know what they are like with other teens.

Ugh it's just a horrible situation.

OP posts:
DinoDinner · 21/11/2021 00:08

I understand your concerns but personally I'd let him go with his cousin.

Pick your battles. If you say no to this he may do it behind your back anyway or not ask for permission for a more serious request.

The cousin has promised he'll drive carefully with your son. It sounds alike you don't trust your son or the cousin, I think you're setting yourself up for future problems.

How cool for your 16 year old to go to air-soft in the car with his cousin. He'll love it and probably resent you if don't let him go.

However you know your family, but I think you need to start loosening those apron strings.

Original poster
CocoCaz · 21/11/2021 01:09

Hi DinoDinner

Yes it's true what you say. I would hate for him to go behind my back. I know I have to give him some freedom it's just scary when you have teenagers together in a car. My nephew has never really been the most sensible of kids which is why it gives me quite a bit of anxiety

OP posts:
sofakingcool · 21/11/2021 07:51

It is frightening isn't it, DS and his friends have all been passing their tests over the last couple of months so I've had a few anxious days when DS has jumped in the car of a newly passed driver - one trip involved the M25 3 weeks after passing Shock. I swear grey hairs are appearing daily!

I just have to trust they are all sensible (they generally are). DS and I did a lot of practice lessons with his friends in the back so he could get used to them being there as a distraction

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