Hiding sweets/chocolate

[surreymum89]

My very nearly 13yo DD has stashes of sweets/chocolate and empty wrappers in her room, I knew she would go to the shop after school and buy a sweet or drink but this in excess to what I know about , she has a card for her pocket money and sometimes gets cash from other family members that tell her to buy something nice and she has clearly been spending it all on food , she already eats a huge breakfast cereal portion with toast , gets food at break, food at lunch and a big dinner , there were empty crisp packs , share boxes of cake type snacks and 4 of one type of chocolate bar in a bag in her room , I also see her come down in the evening and have something sweet from the cupboard most evenings, cake bar or something.

Probably the wrong thing to do but I have already taken her card/purse away from her just while I think about it, as have looked at her transactions and she is spending around £15 a week on sweets/choc and obviously there are health implications, she is overweight, probably a lot more than I even realise.

How do I approach this with her ?

Thanks !

You speak to her and ask her why- let her know it’s not about the food itself but the sneakiness, how does she feel genuinely. Punishing her is pointless, you need to know why.

Also how healthy are you as a family? Active lifestyle?

She's being sneaky about it because she knows you'd disapprove. Two of my DC happily chomp their way through vast amounts of sweets and cake they buy themselves. They're both very active with no excess fat, but still I'd rather they didn't.

It seems slightly controlling to take her card away though- I'd have her doing more exercise, walking etc, and stop buying anything sweet from the supermarket. I'd also explain about the evils
of sugar, not that my DC believe me.

Take care with a conversation about this. Using terms like sneakiness could increase the over eating. Most over eating is about feeling big emotions and responding to emotional overwhelm. However, this becomes a vicious circle when the big feelings are magnified by guilt and shame. If you don't feel able to have a gentle, empathetic conversation about this, without judging then ask someone to who can. Being 13 is incredibly tough and even tougher if you're an overweight girl. There's a reward centre in the brain that recognises the reduction in our distress. Sweet, salty and fatty food can relieve distress. The reward centre is also activated by being soothed and calmed by another person, playing music, drumming, dancing, alcohol, sex ,drugs and cutting or picking your skin.. So the gentle, soothing approach is really important...because talking to her mum and feeling empathy and understanding is really powerful in relieving distress. Find out what's in her heart and on her mind. The over eating is probably a symptom not the problem.

Thanks for all the advice , will definitely have a gentle conversation with her , I'm really finding parenting her hard , I feel like there is so much advice for newborns and toddlers but not as much for teens , it doesn't help that I also do have a very young baby and a toddler , she is definitely forgotten about more than she should be if I'm honest with myself, we have also lost our close bond , she was my only baby for 10 years and now I'm afraid I have failed her and I don't know how to make it right , so yes you're all correct this is most definitely a symptom of a much bigger problem.