DS being a complete drip and dh says it's typical teen - he's not 12 yet!

[MilkyWay]

About 6 months ago, our ds, who has always been a happy, helpful, intelligent and loving child, started being moody, forgetful, insolent and a complete drip. He went up to senior school in September and was warned by his previous form tutor that hard work was begining now and he would have to start to knuckle down.

He rarely finishes a lesson at school, forgets things he's been asked to do by his dad or me after just 5 minutes, stomps around like Kevin the Teenager and is generally unpleasant.

I'm ashamed to say I'm starting to lose patience and just can't be bothered to worry about his school work any more - it's just one big argument after another. I'm stressed out with work which isn't helping, but I can't remember a day when I haven't yelled at him for one thing or another in the last few months.

Is this normal behaviour for an almost 12 year old? Dh seems to think it must be his hormones and keeps saying " it's just teenage behaviour".

any chance he is being bullied at school/having difficulties making friends at school or simply adjusting to high school?

We thought about this but he has more friends than he had at the old school, does stuff at the weekend with school pals (which he never did before as no-one live close enough)and generally seems hapy at the school. We went to a 5 minute parents evening this week with his form tutor who says he has a "green" on all subjects which is where he's supposed to be, but then I was looking through his school books today and he has loads of comments from tutors telling him off for not finishing lessons.

He told me he had no homework on Friday and I bumped into a classmate's mum today and she commented that her ds had been doing his project all weekend. When I questioned ds, he just said "yeah well, I didn't have time to copy it off the board". He's had eyes tested recently so it's not a struggling to see the board thing!

MilkyWay - SNAP!!!! My ds drove me nuts at half term as we were together almost 24 hours a day, and he was forgetting things all the time. He also has started answering back, but I'm quite strict and say "Whoa right there! You do not talk to me like that" and I say that he has to talk to me respectfully. He isn't terribly keen on school work and the work he does isn't the standard that I would expect. He has started buying a football magazine with his pocket money each week so at least he is reading something voluntarily, I suppose. I have thought of getting him assessed to see if he has short term memory problems. I need to speak to a friend who knows exactly how to go about it. Oh, and ds has just turned 11. Perhaps we can support each other through? I have several books that I should dig out and read. I think one is called Raising Boys. Ds is still loving and likes cuddles, but I think he is growing up and testing boundaries. Sorry this is so dis-jointed. I must go and tackle some housework. I'll try to check back here later or tomorrow. I hope you can make sense of this ramble!

tiptop, glad to see I'm not alone in this. Would be great to try and give each other support!

MilkyWay - Hi, again! Dh is around so I'm only going to be here for a minute! I'm here more during his working hours! I'll dig out those boy books I spoke about and perhaps you can borrow them from the library, and we'll have a book club going! I'm no good at anything unless I've got a deadline. Ds and me both! I'll be back tomorrow night next. Speak to you then!

MilkyWay - Hi again! I've found those books incase they were of any interest to you. They are:- 1)Alison Mulvaney's Talking with kids - How to improve communication-and your relationship-with your children. ISBN 981-04-0734-3. 2) Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph - Why boys are different and how to help them become happy and well-balanced men. ISBN 0-7225-3686-0. 3) The Secret of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph. 4) Beyond Toddlerdom by Dr Christopher Green - Keeping five to twelve year-olds on the rails. ISBN 0-09-181624-6. 5) Becoming a better parent by Maurice Balson. ISBN 0-340-51009-9. I've read chapters from all at various times but need to read through them properly again. If they don't have them in your local library then you could order them if you wanted. Ours charges 50p per book. It's late so I'll sign off. I'll be back tomorrow. Speak to you then! P.S. Sorry that last night's message didn't make any sense - I'd had 2 glasses of wine!

Hi Tiptop - sorry, not been able to get online since my last message. Thanks for those tips on the books - am going to library tomorrow so will see what they have.

MilkyWay - Hi, again! I thought that books might be useful as we can refer to chapters, paragraphs and pages without typing it out. I find that I have to tackle things a bit at a time. Speak to you tomorrow.

yes i think this is normal behavior for kids this age as my son is almost 12 and is doing almost the same thing.he use to turn in his homework and class work everyday but now since we moved back to missouri,he seems to not want to do it anymore,he will do his classwork and not turn it in ,he would tell me with his homework that he did not have homework when i knew he did,then he would tell me that he did it at school,now he brings his homework home everyday since another teacher comes into his class daily to make sure he has his homework ready to go in his backpack,but i still have a heck of a time with him doing it,i have to sit down right next to him while he does it or he will not do it

Angllv - It's frustrating, isn't it? It's good to know that I'm not alone, although dd is being a nightmare atm and ds seems to have eased off!

MilkyWay - How are things with you? I'm trying to de-clutter, so I haven't read any of the books yet. I must set aside some time to read them, bit by bit.

let me join the club ..... PLEEEEEESE!!

DS is 11 and showing all the same symptoms. Whenever I ask him to do anything ( NOTE: I have given up "telling" him ) he rolls his eyes and replies with the stock phrases " OKAAAAAY " or "whatever"

To make matters worse DD is very clingy and needy and wants/needs lots of TLC and Hugs and kisses. I worry that DS thinks I might be favouring her - but when I try and include him he lashes out at me ....

What a strain it all it - trying just to keep things on an even keel .....

Crystaltips - If you remember me from the Life Coaching thread, you might know that I have the tendancy to be a bit bossy! But of course you can tell me to sod off whenever you want!

At the beginning of this thread, I did a list of books that I have. If you have a local library, you might want to borrow them and then report back. I could do with someone prompting me into action, to be honest! Dd is driving me nuts!!!

Hi tiptop, I haven't had time to read the books I got from the library. I've been away with work this week and have some "crap" going on at work that is zapping my energy. Problem is it's making even less patient than I usually am so ds is getting the brunt of my mood.

Can I join please? DS1 is nearly 11 and much of the behaviour mentioned on here sounds just like him.
He used to be a dream - high achiever at school, polite, enthusiastic, etc. The only problem was that he had so few friends, which I found very upsetting, since he wasn't into football and most of the other boys in his class were, apart from the one 'geek' who DS1 hung out with. I really wanted him to have more friends and last year encouraged him to join in with the footballers.
Now he is in the school football team (very small school not that he has improved dramatically), has loads of friends calling at the house for him to play, but has become Kevin! Should we blame the new friends? They are all nice boys on their own. I think DS1 is showing off a bit at school, playing the fool in order to hang out with the cool boys. School work and homework definitely no longer important compared to playing football. Wish list for Christmas completely football based (to DH's horror), major rows about rushing homework to go out and play before it gets dark. Actually, major rows about our insistence that he comes home when it gets dark - happens very early up here now.
Sorry. I'm rambling. But just so good to get it off my chest. DH and I are probably winding ourselves up about it.

tiptop - you are certainly not being bossy - isn't this why we all use MN - for advice ....
However I have read your list .... and I have most of them - sometimes it's just easier to moan rather than reach for the nearest text book

Crystaltips - Hi! Yes, it feels much better to write on here rather than read up on it!

Libra - Hi! I don't know what to suggest really except that I thought I'd pass on a tip that a friend gave me as it has worked for her. Well, two tips, actually. Instead of running out of time for music practice at the end of the day, ask your child to practice in the morning before school if they've time. Her child gets up early and they live 5 mins away from school so it's quite easy. If your son is doing something ie homework and a friend rings, she says "He's in the shower. I'll ask him to call you back later." The lad gets on with his homework and saves face.
Can you give ds a mobile with very little credit on it so that he can make emergency calls home but not much else, and so you can ring him to find out where he is? I know that if ds isn't in the garden here, then he's either on our (tiny) estate or else in next door's house/garden playing with their lad. I understand completely why you are concerned.

MilkyWay - I've started scaring myself with how shrieky I've become so I've started the "count to ten" type thing. (Sorry - I'm very tired and can't think straight so it's very poor English right now!) I'm scaring myself at how calm I'm sounding instead! I remember once, I lost my voice. The kids had to stop and listen very carefully to hear me saying anything at all! The funny thing is that I'd normally shout louder and louder, but because I couldn't even speak, just whisper, they had to come close and then, of course, what I would say would change. It was much more succinct and they actually behaved much better. I think it helped that I was no match for them, so it wasn't any fun any more. I hope that your work situation has eased, btw.

my son is 11 just gone into senior school and is finding it diffucult. when he cant cope he gets angry and moody and this is a complete change from the boy nicknamed laughing eyes.

talking with school helps, getting teachers to help write homework down etc

its the being disorganised and the only one in class not to do the homework becuase he cant read his own writing or didnt manage to write it down

ALL the embarrassment that goes along with that - allt he excuses in front of your friends becuase you cant keep up. the prentend fogetting of books and homework diaries to cover up that he is just not coping all leads to stress which leads to anger which in turn leads to a different person.

we have spoken to school, teachers are aware that they must write hw in diary and if they dont and he cannot complete it i write in homework diary my distain in no uncertain terms, constant communication with the school and home organisation.

my son has a box at home ( just a cardboard one) i wrote his timetable on the front so none of the " i left my hw diary at school" bollox becuase he knows he cant do some homework set and gets all in a mess. he knows exactly where his pens pencils rulers are - they are in the box with all his books.

he knows i am not just saying i will help with homework - like i used to but somehow life got in the way but now i will, the cooker will get turned off, the other two kids are sent to their rooms, the computer is free to use all resources are REALLY at his disposal and they are to all the kids. the anger has gone away
he is happier much happier Hth

He's a lucky boy, custardo. I'm so glad he's happier too.