Single mum to teen daughters

[wine53]

Please help me feel normal?!

It's just the 3 of us, youngest is 13, oldest is 15. Tonight they've stayed in their rooms and our house feels sad and lonely and I feel like I can't hold my little family together.

The youngest helps around the house, does stuff when I ask but the oldest argues, procrastinates, "needs the loo", finds reasons why she can't possibly do the thing I'm asking her to do. It's exhausting, to the point where I dread even asking but what does that teach her - that if she refuses eventually I'll stop asking!!

It's bloody hard doing this on my own 🤦‍♀️🥺

Pretty normal / usual o stay in their rooms in the evenings at that age. Also fairly normal to go through a stage of being defiant and also unhelpful.
Doesn't mean you don't keep being clear about your expectations, but, equally, we all have differing amounts of energy and resilience and with teens we all need to decide which battles are the ones to pick.

This sounds like my house, two DDs aged 15 and 13.

I got myself a cat 😀

..it's hard but at least they are there. I'm a single mum to one teenage daughter that ran off to live with bf and manipulative family. ...tried for a year now but authorities have let me down..
She'll be 18 in March. I've seen her face once in a year and hopes of seeing it after she's not longer a 'child' in March are very slim now. No other family. Just me. Please tell them u love them everyday and most of all please just grit ur teeth and agree with them, even if it is behind a bedroom door because I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. . Xx

@Letmeoff1

..it's hard but at least they are there. I'm a single mum to one teenage daughter that ran off to live with bf and manipulative family. ...tried for a year now but authorities have let me down.. She'll be 18 in March. I've seen her face once in a year and hopes of seeing it after she's not longer a 'child' in March are very slim now. No other family. Just me. Please tell them u love them everyday and most of all please just grit ur teeth and agree with them, even if it is behind a bedroom door because I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. . Xx

That sounds horrific. I hope she is home soon.

Hi
I feel for you. But don’t give up at this stage. Read lots on dealing with teenagers. Theres a change to parenting at this stage I reckon. Be calm and patient but firm, let them offload but don’t try to fix and meddle, be clear about jobs around house but don’t nag if they do them. Just mention and explain why they need doing when atmosphere is good . Can you watch YouTube or Netflix shows they want to watch? There are good music quizzes on YouTube, let them show you tiktoks or clips they like. Make cookies… maybe your younger one will join you on occasions. But also - it’s good for them to be in their rooms some of the time - it’s independence - but create a nice time for when they are with you? X

@Letmeoff1

..it's hard but at least they are there. I'm a single mum to one teenage daughter that ran off to live with bf and manipulative family. ...tried for a year now but authorities have let me down.. She'll be 18 in March. I've seen her face once in a year and hopes of seeing it after she's not longer a 'child' in March are very slim now. No other family. Just me. Please tell them u love them everyday and most of all please just grit ur teeth and agree with them, even if it is behind a bedroom door because I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. . Xx

Oh god, I'm so sorry, this is so awful. I really hope she comes back to you xxx

Thank you everyone. I'm going with firm but fair. I'm not here to be her friend, she's responding quite well I think. She knows my boundaries and I think that helps sometimes.

I think her hormones make a big difference, and mine do too. I take things personally when they're not meant that way.

I tell them I love them all the time, they know that and maybe that's the main thing for now xx