13 year old DD wants her nose pierced

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I really don't want her to have it done but she's been asking for over a year and I did say I would consider it if she looked after her ear piercings, which she has. She's home educated so school is not an issue, very level headed and sensible for her age and obsessed with piercing (wants to be a piercer) so I'm struggling for a legitimate reason to say no tbh. So it's a wwyd I suppose, it feels like irresponsible parenting to let her have it done this young but I can't really articulate why.

That would be a hard no from me I’m afraid

A firm no from me. You don't always have to give your children what they want. It's your job to set boundaries that you feel are appropriate.

I wasn't allowed while I lived at home with my parents. The week I moved out at 18 I got it done. Their reason was they didn't like the look of nose piercings and that was that.
Didn't need any elaborate reasons and no matter how much I tried to persuade them, they never caved.

Also, I don't think anywhere would if she's under 16 even with parent permission?

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Also, I don't think anywhere would if she's under 16 even with parent permission?

It's under 14 in my local tattoo/piercing studio, but defo worth checking.

I had it done and kept it in for a year. It was just too much hassle, a nightmare to blow your nose and I ended up with a keloid even though I cleaned it religiously. Taken it out now and you'd never know I had it done.

It's over 14*

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Also, I don't think anywhere would if she's under 16 even with parent permission?

I tried to prove my point with this by ringing round local piercers, around half said yes they would do it unfortunately. Not dodgy places either, reputable studios with excellent reviews.

I do know that no is good enough on it's own, I don't need to justify it and she's not really asking me to I've just always tried to give her reasons for things (she has autism and it helps if she understands why) and this time I don't really have one, I just don't want her to.

You’ll get a lot of people saying no on MN.

What is right for your child and your family is totally up to you.

There is no legal age restriction on piercing in the U.K. Take her to a reputable piercing studio if she really wants it done and you agree, she understands the aftercare requirements etc.

My daughter - 13 and also home educated - had hers done at Blue Banana. It looks fantastic, really suits her face and she had no problems with healing.

Some people have strong opinions about piercings and tattoos. It’s worth her knowing she’ll come up against this in life too. Probably won’t change her mind. But I had a good chat with my daughter about that before she did it.

for so many of these things my answer is simple

I don't want you to do anything permanent that you might regret later.
So you can chose age 16, but even then I think you should consider it very carefully.

For tatoos, I say - draw it, put it in a drawer. If you find it a yera later and still like the picture, then you will be ready - when you reach 16.

I think it is so hard for our kids to understand that they may think differently when they are 25, 35, etc. And it doesn't matter how much we say it, they won't believe us. So it is up to us to try and balance it.

@ReginaaPhalange

It's over 14*

That's quite surprising!

I suppose because it's more normal these days? As easy to care for as a cartilage ear piercing I suppose.

Don't like the fact that they can and will piece someone aged 14 without parental consent....

Nose piercings heal really quickly. I think it's harsh to say no if you don't really know why you don't want her to have it done.

@steppemum

for so many of these things my answer is simple

I don't want you to do anything permanent that you might regret later.
So you can chose age 16, but even then I think you should consider it very carefully.

For tatoos, I say - draw it, put it in a drawer. If you find it a yera later and still like the picture, then you will be ready - when you reach 16.

I think it is so hard for our kids to understand that they may think differently when they are 25, 35, etc. And it doesn't matter how much we say it, they won't believe us. So it is up to us to try and balance it.

Ah I'm early 30s and still hold onto all my piercings, including my belly button which I'm told is very dated these days.

Tell her it's excruciating. Honestly, it wouldn't bother me as long as she went to an actual piercer.

Also - my daughter is autistic too. We don’t do arbitrary rules or fitting to other peoples expectations in our family. We talked through the positives and negatives and made the decision together. Then waited another few months to be sure, and while she saved up the money to do it (a pre requisite)

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I know I was surprised too. I only found out cause a group of girls came into the studio to book their nose piercings for the following weekend and asked if their young scot card would be accepted as ID.

Id let her, because like you said the only reason you can think of why she shouldn’t is that you don’t want her to. But it’s her nose, and as a young teenager, if you let her do it, she probably be bored of it within a year and want to take it out. If you keep saying no, she’ll want it even more.

You can get some beautiful tiny nose studs that look lovely, but I can see why you wouldn’t want her to have a ring.

I'm starting to think it's maybe more that I feel I should say no than that I actually object to her having it done tbh. I do have concerns, don't like to think of anything hurting her and I am a little worried about infections/keloids but I doubt I will feel any different about that when she's 16 (or 18, or even 32!) and it won't be my choice to make then.

Ah I'm early 30s and still hold onto all my piercings, including my belly button which I'm told is very dated these days.

but that is fine.
I just think that for most people, what they really want age 13 is not going to be what they really want age 25/35.

By the time you are16/18, you are a bit more likely to not regret it, but even then I am not sure.
My dds are 16 and 14.
The 16 year old has had a cartilage piercing in her ear. I personally don't like the look of it, but now she is old enough it is her choice. And, if she decided later to take it out, the holes are not going to be really noticable, unlike one in the middle of your face.

dd aged 14 would love about 20 ear piercings. She has normal earings, for the rest she is wearing ear cuffs etc to get the look she wants without the piercing. She even has a septum cuff. That's great, and none of them are permament.

It would be a no from me purely because she couldn't wear it to school.

@pinkblood

It would be a no from me purely because she couldn't wear it to school.

Sentence 2 of the OP says she's homeschooled

My 13 year old had her nose pierced and it was a tiny tiny diamond stud and looked v nice. She kept it clean end took it out for doing make up etc.
It was actually quite discreet and no issue at school.

It is really up to you but for me it's not permanent and wasn't a big deal. I went with her to a good professional piercer Ans she folllowed al correct aftercare.

I wouldn't have a problem with it. It's a piercing, not life changing surgery.

Mine got hers done at 14. as PP said it was a small diamond stud, and actually looks really nice.

I’d let her, shes not in school, she’ll look after it🤷‍♀️

It’s a piercing, the likelihood is she’ll take it out one evening and forget to put it back in and it’ll close up anyway. This isn’t a permanent thing. Noses are a bugger to keep going, you can’t remove it really for the first 4 or so months as it will close up really quickly.

If you don’t have any real moral objection to it and you’re happy she will care for it adequately then what’s the difference between this and ears?