2nd suspension, why can't he just behave??

[nahnahna]

Ds is on his second suspension this time for watching porn in school, we are having a meeting this morning with the head, he will probe expelled.

We have given him every advantage and he has thrown it all away by silly immature behaviour.

I'm so sad due him that he's behaving like this and will now have to go to a different school.

He's so easily led and doesn't seem to be vaguely interested in anything other than doing stuff he shouldn't be.

Arggggggh

How old is he?
"One day at a time" probably
Does he acknowledge at all that he shouldn't have watched porn (at all but we will start with) "in school" ?

I was a little like this at school. I was so naughty and immature. i would take sandwiches for a walk on a piece of string. throw teachers pens out the window hide in cupboards. I was a nightmare. I never swore at teachers, backchatted or was rude just did very silly immature things. I just loved being funny and doing funny things. I got suspended at the end of 5th year for sneaking some beer into school and drinking it on the field. However I was never stressed and always so happy. I didn't care about my school work and I got 1 GCSE. I adored every minute of school. I went to college after and when I was around older people and treated more like an adult my whole persona on life changed. I did brilliantly in my level 1 business studies course and re did my GCSE's then dis A levels and finally went to uni at 24. I really dont know what possessed me to be so naughty and I would be mortified if my kids behaved like I did but I did grow out of it. Hopefully your son will grow out it and I suspect it is probably about fitting in and I notice with my children at school the naughty or immature kids are the popular cool kids no one wants to be friends with the good kid who revises all day long!!

How did the meeting with the head pan out? Hope he managed to keep his place - does he feel any remorse or does he feel it’s everyone else’s problem not his?

Jesus.

If he's watching porn in school, I'd confiscate his phone. For a very long time

Another naughty kid, coming back to reassure you. I was the class clown, would do anything to try to impress my friends, getting them to laugh was like crack to me. As a really good kid in primary school it was really satisfying to get the attention which the naughty kids did. I was suspended two or three times, mostly for graffiti or stupid stuff.
It was only when I finally had my meeting with the head and realised that none of the other schools where my other friends went would take me if I was expelled that it all felt real. Does that make a difference to your son? The change in school? Possibly having to go to a school with other kids with major behavioural problems? That worked for me, the thought that I might have to go to a school with girls who could actually beat the shit out of me all day every day. That scared me into being marginally better.
Oh and the teachers never stopped trying to teach me. Now I have two degrees :)

i would take sandwiches for a walk on a piece of string
😂😂😂😂 made my morning.

Op, how did your meeting go?
I agree with pp, they like to try and fit in, be the one to make people laugh etc but it's them who face the consequences.
Hopefully the meeting with the head has put the shits up him abit and he calms down.

Is he unhappy or going through any kind of trauma? Sometimes this can cause bad behaviour.

I was a knob at school too. I was just bored. I didn't make any effort but luckily passed all my GCSEs (except history but that wasn't my fault - genuinely).

I'm now a fully functioning adult with a family and a good job. He can still turn things around.

I'd confiscate his phone or cancel his data plan and turn on the adult content filter.

So I thought I would update this as I was so upset at the time I couldn't write all the details out and actually there was a hell of a lot more going on.

Ds has now moved schools and is very happy and settled and is behaving so well so ! It all ends well but was a horrible journey to get there.

His friend had told him how to look up explicit images and how to delete his history so no one can find out, actually this does ring true as his is absolutely useless with tech unless it's a PlayStation.

His phone and our internet have parental controls so he used the school internet to find them ! School have basically taken no responsibility at all other than asking if we would move him. It's an independent school so you can imagine I didn't get anywhere by asking what responsibility they take for the incident, as he got suspended last year for a fight, he was asked to leave.

Honestly I wish I had moved him after the fight as he wasn't listened to and the school treated him very poorly as the boy in question continued to bully him.

It was all a bit of a mess I have talked to him about porn and women and I think he understands that porn can be addictive and often depicts women being oppressed but I think curiosity got the better of him.

Anyway I thought I would update if anyone was or is going through the same thing.

After all this we have a better relationship and he is much less moody with me and is now happy with school.

Not very helpful but get a good parent App on his phone. We use Safe Lagoon. My DS has ADHD and it's literally saved his skin a few times. It blocks all adult content too

Glad to read of the happier situation.

I think a note to the school he left about lack of basic controls on the internet would be appropriate. Safeguarding issue to me.