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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenage daughter lonely

12 replies

Loobs87 · 02/11/2021 23:18

My 15 year old daughter has told me she wants to end her relationship with her best friend as she doesn’t like the not very nice person her friend is turning into,whilst she is very upset that it has come to this she feels she cannot go on being friends with her but does not have any other friends and spends all her time with her best friend,and struggles massively with making other friends,I’m scared for her and don’t know how to help her,she spends all her time at school with this girl including break and lunch and I don’t know how to help her

OP posts:
GoodVibesHere · 03/11/2021 07:12

Does the school run any lunchtime clubs your DD could go to, sports stuff, history, music, art or anything she enjoys

Loobs87 · 04/11/2021 09:07

We are going to look into that,hopefully a study club or something over lunch,I’m waiting on the school calling me back.

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Domino1 · 04/11/2021 16:41

No advice really but it sounds like she is making a strong decision even knowing the consequences. My DD also finds it difficult & it is heartbreaking. How about tutor groups mixing seating around to pal her up? Good luck

Loobs87 · 05/11/2021 10:32

Thanks yea she is very morally conscious which I love,I just don’t want her to be alienated at school or have her best friend turn nasty to her,she wouldn’t cope with that! I am still waiting on the school getting back to me to see if they can do anything to help the situation she only has till June then she will be leaving school.

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Strangevipers · 05/11/2021 11:10

Can she speak to her friend and express her concerns ?

Loobs87 · 06/11/2021 11:04

I did suggest she speak to her friend about this but she’s not the confrontational type and said even if she did she doesn’t think it would make a difference.

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AlexaShutUp · 06/11/2021 11:28

Can she start just casually chatting to other kids in lessons, trying to build up some new relationships? My dd is 16 and has a large group of friends, but she is always eager to add new people to the group. The key seems to be to find the confidence to be open and friendly and proactive about making the effort to talk to people - much easier said than done, I know, especially if your dd is a bit shy. Is she year 10 or year 11? Might be worth thinking about a change of school in year 12 if that isn't on the cards anyway - a new start with a new group of people?

I struggled with friendships as a teen, mainly because I wasn't very confident, I was really self-conscious and I was really fearful of rejection. I didn't really see what I had to offer or any real reason why others would want to be friends with me, and I wasn't proactive about talking to people, initiating stuff etc because I didn't want to push myself on others and either get rejected or have them suffer me against their will. Truth be told, that is still my default setting now, but I have learnt so much from watching my social butterfly daughter. She is full of confidence and somehow just assumes that people will want to be friends with her. This means that she makes a real effort to talk to them and build relationships, and 99% of the time, they respond really positively. As for the 1%, she doesn't take it personally in the slightest - it's their loss in her mind!Grin Sometimes, I think you really have to just put yourself out there, but it's very scary if you're not naturally that way inclined.

I think the most important thing you can do now is help to build her confidence and self esteem. It sounds like she is a great kid with strong morals, and not the type to be constantly falling out with others. It sounds obvious but being nice to people is a major plus point when it comes to making friends so she already has lots going for her. So now it's just about helping her to see and believe in what she has to offer as a friend and building her confidence to the extent that she is willing to take a few social risks in order to get talking to different groups of people.

Are there any other kind kids who she likes in whom she could confide? My dd got talking on social media during lockdown to a kid in her year who messaged her because she was feeling really isolated. She wasn't particularly friendly with dd before that so no idea why she picked dd really, but they chatted a lot online and dd eventually persuaded her to build up the confidence to go over and talk to dd's group in school. She now has a brand new group of friends and is really happy.

I hope that she finds the right way forward. It might help her to remember that loads of kids struggle with social issues at that age, and with a multitude of different insecurities, so they will probably be immensely grateful to your dd for taking the initiative!

PanicBuyingSprouts · 06/11/2021 13:59

When you say "she's very morally conscious" has this got something to do with the reasons for her wanting to distance herself from her Bf?

Loobs87 · 06/11/2021 21:09

Thank you for taking the time to reply in such depth,I think what you suggest about her maybe trying to initiate conversations with others is the way to go,I don’t want to change her schools at this point as she is prepping for her highers,it’s definitely a confidence issue with her opening up and talking to others she doesn’t have any other close friends but there is a couple people I think that she could try and get friendly with that she knows but not that well.

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Loobs87 · 06/11/2021 21:11

Hi yea her bf has started being really nasty towards other people to the point of almost being a bully and my daughter hates the way she talks about other people and acts around them,my daughter basically said it makes her upset with the comments and actions of her bf .

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XelaM · 07/11/2021 01:05

Can she befriend those who are being bullied by her friend?

SweatyTulip · 09/11/2021 22:29

I'm in a similar situation here. My DD started college in Sept and binned off all her old friends over the past year, mainly due to them starting to be a little bit more edgy and teenagery. She took the moral high road with everyone but is now often sad and lonely. She has settled into college well and talks about talking to lots of new people, but hasn't seen any one out of college 😭

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