How can I help my DS 16 studying abroad, feeling lost and depressed

[SortCode]

DS in The States studying and playing a sport, living with host family who he loves, been there since August. Everythings been fine, he's been happy but lately not so good.

Today he says...
Not eating properly no appetite
Not sleeping
Doesnt want to mix with anyone or talk to anyone
Doesnt know what is wrong with him
Feels low

I think it's a combination of he's abit homesick, misses his friends here, emotional, knackered as has travelled/flown every weekend for matches for past 5 weeks sometimes leaving Thurs back late Sunday, I think all of that has made him depressed. Sports coach has been quite tough on him and a few others think that's got to him. Also on off g.friend here theyve had a few words etc over the weeks but seems to have sorted it, not healthy but they sort of support each other long distance

We messaged back and forth today as he didnt want to facetime said his head wasnt right but we kept chatting via text etc. which was good.

Ive told him all the above and all right things like...

Try and eat little but often
Drink water
Long soak in a hot bath
Switch off phone/limit screentime before bed (this wont happen though Im sure)
Even try listening to quiet music or podcast
Talk to host Mum or I can mention it

Nothing seems to be going in, he keeps saying I dont know why Im feeling like this. I cant even do normal things like eat and sleep. I dont want to do anything or speak to host mum just me

Im so worried. I cant go out there.

He says in the US men have to be men cant admit to feeling like this is frowned upon.

Ive said I will check in everyday with him and we can keep talking.

He is back in Dec for 2 weeks in around 7 weeks time. I said this and it wont be long, but he just didnt seemed bothered kept saying that wont make him feel better.

Any advice anyone???

Is there a host dad? Can he talk to him and show that 'men being men' includes 'men talking about feelings'?

It's a massive change, he is still so young and a long way from home.
You are his Mum, and you know your son best. Do what your heart tells you.
He has years ahead of him, there is no rush.

@CharlieFarl1e

I'd be telling my son I was booking him a flight home. He's very young to be managing all this and a host mum isn't your actual mum is she?

This. I am in the US and the "men must be men" trope sounds like it is coming straight from his coach - and certainly not from US schools non athletic side- they are usually acutely aware of the mh risks for young boys/men.

Sorry OP but you have to face that his coach has no real interest in him other than his playing ability/performance. What he tells him is to enhance performance - not to make him feel better/integrate better. His host family might be lovely but they are just that - a family paid to host him.

He is 16. he is expected to train/perform to a very high level in a foreign country without his family nearby. He is expected to live with a foreign family without his own for weeks/months at a time.

Of COURSE he feels depressed and upset. It would almost be odd if he wasn't. He is not in the right place. Are you and he sure this is worth it? What reasonable life will he have with this sport into the future? I honestly think you were quite naive about the affect of this on your son and your family (no blame there - the club/sponsor/whoever sent him to the US should have been clear)

I'd tell him to come home. no failure no blame just it is incredibly difficult for a 16 year old to be managing this. Even the sports kids in the US who go to boarding school on scholarships have a more regulated life and regular access to their parents.

He's still a child - surely the programme put something in place for this scenario? I would be ringing his coach and his host family.
Also check his Vit D levels as this can cause depression.

You need to bring him home now.
I also have a teenager who's gone through a prolonged period of depression. This sounds serious to me

How is DS doing now @SortCode?

I’d either bring him own early
Or
Is there any way at all that you can go out?

Either way - he’s very young so priority is to either be woth him or get him home

Back home for a while now and much happier. Giving him time to breath, weve told him no pressure will take each day. Thanks for asking.

He doesnt want to go back, so he's not. Not sure how they will take it but tough he's not - apart from how he's feeling the current situation with new variant and uncertainty with travel etc. I cant stand anymore stress!!!

He's not sure what he wants to do, his 6th form said he can go their with pleasure - he's stressing as he's not sure what he wants to do.

Ive told him there is no pressure, he needs time to heal in my opinion but he says he doesnt want to be sat doing nothing he want routine.

6th Form have suggested we go for a meeting next week I think perhaps that would be a good idea and be open with them and see what they say - he knows most of the teachers and knows there is support there, unlike where he has just been.

Oh I'm so glad he's home with you! Think his instincts about needing activity and routine are right - sixth form here sounds like a good idea.

I'm so pleased he's home too Op. I agree that 6th form sounds like a great idea for him but hope he enjoys whatever he ends up doing.