How do you get an autism diagnosis? Is a diagnosis useful?

[CoolShoeshine]

DS is nearly 16 and as a young child there were a number of concerns from his school/nursery that he had special needs. We tried to get a diagnosis but it was very difficult, the paediatrician seemed to think him borderline and we didn’t get anywhere. In the meantime our DS did start to develop better around age 6, his speech and behaviour improved and he muddled along at school. We stopped seeing the paediatrician because our DS didn’t like going and being talked about, it got more and more awkward as he got older and we felt it detrimental to him raking up his behaviour issues in front of him.
Through high school he has still muddled along, he doesn’t have friends and has become very introverted, although he copes with lessons ok. The problem is that he says quite a lot of weird stuff because he does quite understand how to converse, he is withdrawing from the family and I’m scared he won’t be able to cope as an adult. There is so much basic stuff he simply doesn’t understand, despite doing ok academically. Thanks feel that we have failed him by not getting him diagnosed as a child. His high school barely know him because he is so quiet and he doesn’t get any extra help.
Would perusing a diagnosis help him in adulthood? How would we go about making a start and what is our ds doesnt cooperate?

It would need your ds Co operation at this age.

But a diagnosis has been very helpful for my ds who is now 17.

It's helped him understand why he's different. Why he finds things different. It's helped him have a sense of identity of who he is and he knows there's nothing wrong with him but that his brain has developed differently.

It allows for adjustments etc under the resulting act and can allow for things such as claiming PIP to pay for those things he needs to outsource because he can't manage them.

I'd start with a conversation with him about wanting the best for him and to support him.

You can ask GP for a referral but if you can afford to go private it's a much quicker process.

Thank you so much for your reply @itsgettingwierd - who do you approach about a private diagnosis? I really think it would be the sooner the better for us, particularly because he’ll be leaving school before long and I don’t know what he’ll be able to do then with very limited social skills.

Have a google of private autism consultants.

There are a number of specialist centres throughout the uk such as Lorna wing.

it is bloody helpful.

Try asking your GP first - most are very knowledgeable these days.
They will know what's available locally, what the waiting times are like and may know of private options local to you if that's what you want. Sixth form colleges should also be familiar but start with GP

I was talking about England mind you, where are you?

Would perusing a diagnosis help him in adulthood?

As an adult who got to over 40 without a diagnosis yes, yes a diagnosis would help him in adulthood. If nothing else he will understand himself. For me it let me make sense of my life. Of my mistakes. Of my vulnerability. And most importantly, of my future.

Sadly though if he doesn't co operate there is not much you can do.

Also I can highly recommend Connect to Autism - over 16s only but he is almost 16 anyway. Based in Scotland but it's all done remotely so it doesn't really matter.

I see now he's still at school. Would he be interested if you framed it as getting the right support in place in time for college/sixth form?

It's helped him understand why he's different. Why he finds things different. It's helped him have a sense of identity of who he is and he knows there's nothing wrong with him but that his brain has developed differently.

^This!

My DD is 19 and has recently been diagnosed. I always suspected, having already had 2 DC, that she possibly had autism.

It was actually through some NHS counselling for chronic anxiety and what we presumed was social anxiety at 17 that it was eventually picked up and we started down the assessment route.

The change has been remarkable! DD’s confidence has really picked, she’s so much more accepting and so much kinder to herself.

Yes yes yes.

I was diagnosed at 40 and bitterly regret the years in the wilderness where I absolutely knew I was different but came up with all sorts of negative explanations for that which severely impacted my mental health.