Advice please

[Hamjamwich]

Ds is messaging someone who is 13. He is 15. They got chatting in a game. I told him to stop and she's been told to stop.
They are still messaging each other. Shall I report it to school?

What??

What is the problem?

Yes. Pass the information onto the school. Then come back and tell us what they said? 🙄😁

The problem is them messaging each other "I love you". "One day we will live together" etc. They have never even met each other..The girls mum actually messaged my son and said stop or she would report him. It stopped for few weeks but found out they are messaging again. I've told him several times to stop but they are carrying on

Does anyone think it's wrong? Given the fact they have both been told to stop. And also worrying, given the age difference?

Aren't all kids that age in love with whoever they are crushing on?
Unless they're sending inappropriate messages, then I'd just let them crack on.

So they don't go to the same school yet your wanting to get the school involved?

I'm confused tbh.

Kids are kids, think they've met their first love etc. Honestly if nothing if rude etc I don't see the issue.

To me it all sounds rather sweet! I don't see a problem with the age difference. Perhaps someone can enlighten me?

I am afraid to be honest. He has ADHD and is impulsive and vulnerable. Maybe he might try to travel to meet her one day?
What if her parent reports him?

Report him for what?

I think you have to be really really careful to talk to him about the sort of things he really mustn't say and the fact he should not ask for or send photos.

@Duxiejhrhrvjz messaging each other when her mum said stop

You have a serious chat about consequences.
Her parents have said stop.
She is under age and her parents have every right to say no.

ADHD is not an excuse - it may explain but it isn't and excuse.

He need to realise that her parents feel it isn't appropriate. If he can't control impulses then you need to help him.

Instead of this huge overreaction why don't you put some rules in place? I'd make it clear I would be checking messages as I saw fit and I'd be ensuring his phone was out of his room for bedtime. Lots of chats about boundaries, relationships, not overstepping the mark in messages and how we treat girls etc etc

The above is what I've done with my 14.5 year old DS who has a 14 year old 'girlfriend.'

They're very young and need guidance but banning it all is a mistake

her mum saying no is a bit of a problem so this needs talking about with your son. Is there a possibility you could chat to her mum and see that you're both on the same page?

so theyre having an online relationship. I think a big chat about safety, about never asking for nudes and to keep it PG. Remind him that the phone can be checked at any time

Are there any ramifications for not doing as you've said - I.e. Punishment? Taking his phone / console away?

What do you think school could actually do, unless they're at the same school? I hate to sound harsh but you say "but he has ADHD" as if it's an excuse. It isn't. He still needs to understand what he's doing, how it could be wrong and why you're telling him to stop.

I never said it's an excuse

And the console is in our living room. He's never alone when using it

I don't necessarily agree with this girl's mother, but she has clearly told your son to stop contacting her underage daughter. He needs to take this seriously and stop. No one needs this kind of hassle.

The girl contacted my ds, he cut contact previously

Then he needs to cut contact again and you need to ensure that he does.

Simple solution here is to take his devices from him, then he can't contact her.

I would take his phone away.

Also who the fuck thinks a 15 year old 'in love' with a 13 year old is sweet depressing as fuck.

You keep saying “report” them, but to whom and for what?! I really don’t see the issue morally or legally.