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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Help with DD

41 replies

N00tN00t · 19/10/2021 18:15

My dd is currently under assessment for ADHD. She isn't in school ATM, and is receiving 90 mins 121 online with a tutor. She has had anxiety issues for some time which came out in school as 'fight or flight' and often got her into trouble. That's the background.

For the last 10 days She has had a really sudden and extreme fear of allergies. She is refusing to eat, and has only had a mouthful of noodles, half a dinner and half an ice cream since last Thursday. She had not much more than that in the few days before.

She used to shower twice a day and use face masks like they're going out of fashion, but she hasn't showered in over a week, and her her is greasy and getting matted. This is the complete polar opposite to how she was just 2 weeks ago.

I spoke the the gp last week who told her it was highly unlikely she will develop a sudden allergy and this helped for about a day before she was back to being adamant she is allergic to something, she just doesn't know what, so can't eat anything.

Has anyone else had any experience of such a sudden attack of anxiety around something so irrational? I've managed to get her a face to face appointment with gp tomorrow, I'm just running out of ideas to help and I'm really worried.

OP posts:
PanicBuyingSprouts · 20/10/2021 19:02

I've not had any experience, no sorry.

How did you get on at the Doctors today? Did she go?

Original poster
N00tN00t · 21/10/2021 00:15

Hi, yes she did go. She has lost about 11lb in the last 10 days, gp said she's in the healthy range so isn't too worried about that as long as she starts eating. Dd agreed to eat pasta for now. Came away happy to be reassured again she doesn't have any allergies, but that only lasted until teatime.

I'm not sure what to do now. Gp is going to call on Monday to see how she's been. She's gone from really independent, to not even letting me drop ds at school without coming with me. She's worried her throat will close up and she'll be home alone.

Thanks for asking.

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XelaM · 21/10/2021 01:36

Can you book her in for an allergy test?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2021 01:49

I would buy an at home allergy test and get it done ASAP. They have them that screen for loads and loads of different foods. It may very well put her at ease. Her anxiety is manifesting itself in intrusive thoughts about an allergic reaction so this may help.

Original poster
N00tN00t · 21/10/2021 07:46

I was told not to feed into the anxiety. Since this has sprung up from seemingly nowhere. She has never had an allergy to anything in 14 years. I have a testing kit already in a basket online but was told to leave it for now. I'll order it this morning.

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PanicBuyingSprouts · 21/10/2021 07:48

I honestly can't believe that the GP thought that her losing 11lbs in that space of time was ok.

itsgettingwierd · 21/10/2021 07:52

Could her feeling like her throat is closing actually be the anxiety manifesting? So she actually doesn't feel like that but it anxiety rather than allergy?

I'd try some mindfulness stuff for her. Explore how she physically feels and look at when she feels like that. If she can see that the feeling isn't related to eating she may be able to rationalise it more - especially if given techniques to mama be the anxiety alongside it.

My ds has ASD. Just telling him it's not an allergy won't always work because developing allergies is statistically possible. He needs to see what it could be and ways to help. And needs to be guided to figure it out for himself.

itsgettingwierd · 21/10/2021 07:53

Does feel like that rather

PanicBuyingSprouts · 21/10/2021 07:58

Do you think she'd be willing to engage in a Workbook or some online CBT?

BonnesVacances · 21/10/2021 08:05

@N00tN00t

I was told not to feed into the anxiety. Since this has sprung up from seemingly nowhere. She has never had an allergy to anything in 14 years. I have a testing kit already in a basket online but was told to leave it for now. I'll order it this morning.

This might be an ok strategy for someone without ADHD but not for your daughter.

Anxiety is a really difficult thing to reason with. My advice would be to not focus on alleviating her fears (though certainly try to) but to reassure her what would happen if her worse fears came true. Tell her that you would be there for her and how she would be able to go to hospital and get treatment.

That's how you calm anxiety. Not by trying to convince them it's not going to happen, but by telling them what you will do if it does.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 21/10/2021 08:06

I was just going to suggest mindfulness. Also if you have time going for a walk in the countryside together. Or just any outside. You have a purpose - the walk and it is easier to talk whilst walking. Good Luck with all this. Sounds very difficult and tireing for you and DD. Also the ADHD assessment team might have some resources/strategies to suggest.

Billybagpuss · 21/10/2021 08:07

@N00tN00t

I was told not to feed into the anxiety. Since this has sprung up from seemingly nowhere. She has never had an allergy to anything in 14 years. I have a testing kit already in a basket online but was told to leave it for now. I'll order it this morning.
We’ve used one of the online allergy things where you send off a blood sample. The problem is they don’t give a definitive ‘you are not allergic to ….’ They give a percentage degree of intolerance. So if you have a high intolerance to wheat it might come out in the 90th percentages but if you’re normal it could come out in the 50s or 60’s which will in all likelihood have no impact on your life whatsoever. However with the current state of mind of your DD she is unlikely to read it that way and will want to avoid everything on the list which will literally be everything to a varying degree and you will be dealing with a severe eating disorder very quickly.

Try and follow what the doctor has said for now but if she’s completely reverted by Monday morning I’d start the push for CBT as something is triggering this for her. But start making noises early as the MH provision is so maxed out they don’t really have the resources until it’s critical.

Sending 💐 it’s so tough trying to navigate these years.

Original poster
N00tN00t · 21/10/2021 08:08

Yes, I do think that she does actually feel like her throat is closing and that it is the anxiety causing that feeling. She said it feels tight and she feels like she can't breathe.

Dd is very much the same with not being satisfied with just being told she doesn't have an allergy and has said that it is possible, so why not her? It didn't help that she had a sweat/heat rash yesterday which sent her into a mega spiral of anxiety. It's like the minute she eats something, she's immediately looking for signs of an allergic reaction and isn't satisfied until she finds one.

100 people could tell her she doesn't have an allergy but she will still pick out the 1 friend who has said its possible to justify feeling how she does. Thanks all, I have ordered the testing kit.

OP posts:
cormorantes · 21/10/2021 08:14

Has anyone mentioned ocd? It sounds like some of the behaviour matches symptoms if you thought it may be worth looking into that?

Original poster
N00tN00t · 21/10/2021 08:15

Thank you for that link to the book and other suggestions from pp. I am worried about an eating disorder developing, as well. I've ordered a hair strand test that says it looks at 300 different allergies, so hopefully that will ease her anxieties a bit. I'm going to look into CBT when I get back from the school run this morning.

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Billybagpuss · 21/10/2021 08:17

@N00tN00t please think again about using the allergy test. I think our posts cross posted so you may have missed it.

We did one and it lists everything and then gives a degree of intolerance. So it doesn’t say categorically you are not allergic to ….. this will not help you DD as she will think she is allergic to absolutely everything.

Innocenta · 21/10/2021 08:17

Look up pervasive refusal syndrome. There are some red flags in her behaviour that suggest elements of this, although I also see the OCD that was mentioned by a PP. The GP is underreacting to her not eating. What about fluid intake?

Original poster
N00tN00t · 21/10/2021 08:25

To be honest, it has taken me about 8 years to get the ADHD ball rolling. Schools etc just would not support me with it and kept doing a CAFF instead, as they said it was a parenting issue, and all I needed to do was engage with ss and do parenting courses 🙄 This has resulted in the root cause being neglected for so long, and now she isn't in school, isn't studying for GCSEs and still feels like she will never fit into society.

I'll call the wellbeing hub again this morning and see if they can include the anxiety etc in the adhd assessment so that I don't have to try and raise it separately and end up waiting too long.

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BonnesVacances · 21/10/2021 08:25

It didn't help that she had a sweat/heat rash yesterday which sent her into a mega spiral of anxiety. It's like the minute she eats something, she's immediately looking for signs of an allergic reaction and isn't satisfied until she finds one.

This is interesting because DD is undiagnosed ASD and ADHD. She got asymptomatic Covid last year and never recovered. She's now got bipolar depression and switches between low mood and anxiety and has developed a condition called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) which is linked to Long Covid.

It's a complicated condition to explain but the mast cells are linked to allergic response. But in MCAS the mast cells respond to things that aren't even threats or true allergies and release mediators such as histamine (the one we all know of) and others like tryptase and leukrotine (which is linked to asthma and anaphylaxis).

One of the way it presents is rashes. It also causes huge upset in the gut which then causes anxiety (rather than anxiety causes an upset in the gut). Lots of food contains histamine which on top of the overreaching mast cells can lead to an immediate response from the mast cells which can cause anxiety and a sense that things aren't right.

I'd try taking an OTC antihistamine and seeing if that helps with the rash or settles your DD. My DD was told to take a 10mg tablet twice a day and a Nytol at night to help with the histamine dump at 2am. Unfortunately NHS doctors don't know much about MCAS and there are no NICE guidelines for it, but there are plenty of private consultants who can diagnose and treat it. Though with over 1m people in the UK suffering from Long Covid now, it's getting harder to see them.

Wbeezer · 21/10/2021 08:28

Could you give her an antihistamine before meals as a "preventative" and also explain how panic attacks work re the throat /breathing issues.
My DS2 developed a sudden phobia of being accidentally poisoned (and intrusive thoughts about other bad things) but he was much younger and i managed to use a kind of child friendly story based way of explaining what his brain was doing and he believed me and was OK. He has ASD.
DS1 has chronic anxiety but ive not had the same success with him, he has ADHD and is not so easily convinced (i think his meds don't help).

Original poster
N00tN00t · 21/10/2021 08:29

She is drinking water and occasionally hot chocolate. She asked for a macdonalds last night so we went and got one. She didn't eat it, though and drank my coke instead.

@Billybagpuss sorry, I think I did miss your post. No, that definitely would not help her if the results are like that. If anything I think it will make her worse.

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BonnesVacances · 21/10/2021 08:29

@Innocenta

Look up pervasive refusal syndrome. There are some red flags in her behaviour that suggest elements of this, although I also see the OCD that was mentioned by a PP. The GP is underreacting to her not eating. What about fluid intake?
Genuine Pervasive Refusal Syndrome is extremely rare. It's much more likely to be something wrong that is currently undiagnosed. Be it mentally like OCD or severe anxiety or a physical response to food that isn't being picked up.
gogohm · 21/10/2021 08:43

I could have written this. Professional help is what she needs - dd went onto fluroxitine then switched once she was older to another which makes you hungry, plus she has diazepam for emergencies. She's autistic with generalised anxiety. Longest without eating is 5 weeks and ended up on a drip

gogohm · 21/10/2021 08:44

Forgot the positive! She's now living semi independently at university in her mid 20's

Original poster
N00tN00t · 21/10/2021 08:52

@BonnesVacances that is interesting and I have saved a Web page on it. I'm just a bit reluctant to start looking into too many things at once. I don't want dd to think there's definitely something 'wrong' with her. I am keeping all suggestions in this post, though as a just in case.

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