Should I tell my friend?

[RunningRain]

First time poster
I'm looking for advice and sorry it's a bit of a long read.

I have a 14 year old DS my friends son is a year younger.
I reconnected with my friend several years ago and our boys friendship just clicked. We don't live close to each other but we visit regularly me and DS staying at her house.
Last time we visited my DS said something had changed but was vague about it.
I just thought they had grew apart but it would pass.

At wknd she visited family near to where I live and we had arranged for the boys to hangout at my house. My friend asked if it was a sleepover, I asked my DS he said no. I didn't mention to my friend thinking it wouldn't happened. But she had packed her sons sleepover stuff and he had it with him when I picked him up. I had opportunities to say no but didn't act on them.

He stayed the night, my DS was unhappy with me for allowing it to happen.

Next day we all had good day together then I took her son home and later my friend and her family left to go back home.

Last night I was speaking to my DS, I asked him what was wrong. He said friend son has told him he is bisexual when we had stayed at their house during the summer. He said he has other friends who are bisexual so that's not the issue but my friends son is to touchy feely with him. Rubs his shoulders or sleeps too close, which he never used to do. DS has asked him to stop, he does then apologises then continues. DS feels uncomfortable.

My friend son is lovely boy I don't think he realises what he doing is inappropriate.
Im not sure if my friend knows he's bisexual she's not mentioned it, but she may know and not told me. Which is obviously fine as it's not my business.

Only reason I want tell her is so her son stops making my DS uncomfortable, as my DS no longer wants to hang out with him which will be difficult as we are going on holiday in a few months.

So do I tell her and if so how do I?

Don't out this boy, it could potentially be dangerous for him.

You should rethink plans together though, your sons comfort and safety is important. Even if you out him to his mum your ds isn't likely to suddenly become comfortable.

Your families socialising is no longer going to work. Is there a way you can back out the holiday now?

You can't tell her. Just tell her DS has outgrown sleepovers or something.

Rethink plans - cancel the holiday if needs be, esp if you've planned on them sharing a room. You've already ignored your DS once and put him in a very awkward (to say the least) position. You can't let that happen again. You know her best so will know better than us what approach to take, but I wouldn't let this carry on for appearances sake. I'd probably say the DSs have grown apart and want to do things separately from now on. That's totally fine and happens all the time. There's no reason they'd stay friends just because you're friends with him mum. You don't need to get into outing her DS. It's possible to keep out of the kids' business and keep that separate from your own friendship.

You can also talk with your DS about how he was right to say no and how to enforce those boundaries when someone tries to override them. That said, you've not modelled great behaviour by not observing his no/boundaries and overriding them yourself. This is a good chance for both of you to step things up.

I'm not proud of they way I handled the situation before, I wish DS had told me sooner. The last thing I want is to make my DS feel uncomfortable or override him on anything. I have a good relationship with DS and I want that to continue.

I won't tell my friend but I also won't make plans for DS, and I'll not visit my friend with DS either.

I can't cancel holiday but we are not sharing any rooms. Friend and her family are in one room and I'm in a room with my 3 DS ( other two are older) I will just limit the time DS is with her son alone and also tell DS that it is ok to tell the boy no and if he continues, to make him understand it might affect their friendship.

I don't think it'll affect my friendship with friend, I'll just say they have grew apart.

Thanks all

Probably better to cancel the holiday.
Your DS is clearly very uncomfortable around this other boy. By chance or by design they will end up spending time alone together. Your DS doesn't want that from what I understand. This other boy will hopefully grow up to respect boundaries. You acknowledge you failed to act on DS's initial request and I can see how that happened and it wasn't the end of the world luckily. But now your DS has been very clear and explained his uneasiness.
If your DS was a girl, what would you have done differently as regards the sleepover which just happened and what would you do about the upcoming holiday?

I'm not so sure that your acting in your sons best interests by going ahead with the holiday.

Putting him in the position of having to socialise with someone who kept on touching him inappropriately and trying to push his clear boundries is giving a clear message to your son, who has been brave enough to speak up.

Would you want to go on holiday with someone who did that to you?

Is that definitely the extent of what has happened? I work in safeguarding so I'm afraid I am a bit doom and gloom but had to work on a v challenging case recently where a child was abused by the child of the family friends. The two families went on holiday together so the abused child didn't feel they could speak up. I'm sure not the case for your son but I really think you need to respect his wishes.