At my complete wits end

[Blindhope]

I have a 15 year old dd with whom I feel like I have zero relationship with. She’s been a typical teen for a long time but over the last few months things have got worse and worse to the point where I can not remember the last time we had a civil conversation. Every conversation ends in her yelling, screaming and more recently slamming things, swearing and often hitting me. I’m emotionally drained and it’s impacting the entire family (husband, ds 13 and dd9). She says we’re so horrible to her yet often all we’re asking is that she puts her clothes away, picks something up or answer a simple question about something that’s going on that day.
She’s a highly anxious girl who has struggled emotionally with school, friends etc and as much as I’m Sympathetic and understand we are her safe place to vent i literally feel like I have nothing left to give which then makes me feel like an awful person. However, to have complete rudeness and utter hatred from her every time she’s in the same room as someone makes it really hard to see any bright future. I love her and want to help her but I have no idea how when it feels like we’ve spiralled out of control and are at rock bottom.
I’m not sure what I’m posting on here for really. I’ve never done it before but like I say I’m at my wits end and can’t carry on much more.

It’s so hard when they are acting like that. Biggest piece of advice is for you to pick your battles. Is it the end of the world of her clothes are on the floor in her room? Does it matter she has 10 cups going mouldy in her room? Not really. It is bloody annoying.

I’d confront her if she was coming in later than her curfew eg later than 20pm and not telling me that/why she was going to be late.

Let her talk when she wants to, she’ll open it when she’s ready. And when she does try not (big ask I know) to question her or she may shutdown, don’t tell her what to do if she has a X or Y problem but guide by saying would you be ok with the outcome if X ….been through this with my eldest and I swear he drove me insane!!!! Hard to keep quiet and not tell them what they should do. Things will get better, she will settle but it takes strength not to shout/react when they are being complete idiots. She has to learn and she will

bloody teen brains eh, that see anger where there is worry, or sadness. and all that trying to be independent.

It is a rite of passage for all of you. Like the previous poster pick your battles. the hitting seems to be the main concern. Work out what you can do to prevent that spiralling out of control and consequences for when it does.

(read to the end of the sentence/ paragraph: not trying to be judgy, just crap at communicating:) I hope you can find compassion from somewhere. (for your sake really , because it is only that that makes it bearable) It was seeing the little bundle of rage curled up in bed looking all pathetically miserable that helped. It might be shit for you but remember how shit it was to feel when you were a teen...

could be worse: three autistic people experiencing two lots of puberty and one menopause... do you want to place any bets on how many intact doors left there will be by the end of it?

That sounds really tough for you. Has she had any help with her anxiety?

I feel the same with my 15yr old dd right now