16th party & alcohol

[worriedmum20000]

My ds is 15 so started to go to 16th birthday parties. I've just had an email from one of the parents who is hosting a party at home in a few weeks to let us know they will be providing alcohol (beer, cider and alcopops) and I'm just not comfortable with the idea have so much alcohol freely available at this age. It's DS's best friend so I don't feel I can prevent him going and do appreciate the mum giving us a heads-up (& and parents will be present) but am I alone in feeling 15/16 is just too young to be providing what sounds like a fairly significant quantity of alcohol. I will of course have a conversation with DS about being sensible & warning him of the dangers of excessive intake but a group of teenagers with a case of beer aren't likely to be sensible!
Any thoughts about how I navigate this without being 'that parent'.

I was in parks drinking lambrini at his age 😅

Has he had alcohol before? I'd probably say if he's nearing on 16 to let him go. The parents will be there and I'm sure they won't appreciate anyone getting so drunk they're puking all over the floor, and the fact they've emailed you would suggest they are being responsible and supervising.

Have a chat with him, if he ends up getting too drunk say you will have zero sympathy and he will have to get on with his hangover. I would say he will soon learn but that's the age where I started going out to parties and drinking. No one ever learns from a hangover!

Maybe give him a specific time he has to be home / you to collect, and he has to message you to say he is okay, and let him go and have a good time. Maybe I'm too relaxed but if all his friends are there drinking I wouldn't stop him from going. He's at the age where drinking will be around him and parties will be happening.

The fact the parents are there are a really good sign.

I'd let him go - if he can prove to you he can be responsible and be home at a reasonable hour, it'll give him more freedom in the future to do the same. If he takes the piss and ends up puking and hanging out of her arse, that's on him!

Sorry I didn't read the last sentence, I thought it was to decide to let him go or not.

Would you be able to collect him, give him a certain time to be ready?

This probably isn’t the first time he’s been drinking just the first time you’ve been told about it.

We allow him the odd shandy at home and I know he has had one or two at a friends house before so not averse to drinking in moderate quantities (and appreciate at 15 this is very much part of growing up) it was more the quantity freely available that worried me. But yes think I need to just have a word, arrange a pick up time and let him deal with the consequences if he overdoes it.

giving teens the options to drink means they are less likely to be round the park drinking frosty jacks or md2020 like a lot of us used to.
Explain the risks and tell him to have fun but not too much

Sounds like the party parents are being v responsible. I doubt they will have bought enough alcohol for the teens to get totally slaughtered, probs more like 2-3 beers each. I think it sounds like a healthy introduction to alcohol in a controlled domestic environment. Ideal really. Obviously talk to you son about alcohol and responsibilities (as well as consent - lots of girls getting groped at 90s/early 2000s teen house parties when I were a lass).
Hope he has a good time!

This is good practice moment for them to test their skills at being sensible. Presumably you have spent 15 yrs trying to teach your child to be sensible. Either They don't drink or they keep it minimal. Or they drink too much but nothing truly bad happens. Or they drink too much & whatever bad thing(s) happens, they learn about consequences. Maybe others drink too much & your DC observe how unpleasant & ugly over-drinking is for others.

I recommend that you try to understand this situation as practice & learning opportunity.

It’s pretty common at their age and at least as others have said they aren’t sneaking off down the park to drink it 🤣🤣
Was the same when DSS was his age

My kids aren't that age yet but I think the parents sound sensible emailing to let you know. And they are going to be present.

I shudder when I look back on the things I got up to at 16. A party with alcopops with parents around sounds like a good way to introduce an environment where alcohol is present and help him work out his limits.

When I was 16 I was out raving and taking drugs. As was everyone I knew. Or if I was in a park I was on the ciders. I am surprised on mumsnet about views if 15 or 16 Yr olds as I remember this being quite an independent time

Surely it's better he has a couple of beers with adults present than drunk in a park?

It's very, very unlikely that "there will be alcohol running freely" at a house party hosted by the parents, your running away with your self there a bit as no sane parents would do that.

DD is older now, but we & all of her friends parents provided limited & controlled amounts of alcohol & kept an eye on things. They got a bit tipsy bar tge sods that had been drinking vodka before they arrived

Let him go & try & relax

It’s fine, we all did the same for the 16ths that weren’t in lockdown (DS’s was 😞).
For DD’s 17th I provided cider, wkd, Smirnoff ice and someone found a bottle of vodka in a cupboard and all was still well.
Tbh it’s more of a problem now they’re turning 18 and can buy their own (DS & friends), someone always pukes at a party and ds regales me of the damage to the house 😱 I’m hoping by the time it’s his next year their tolerance levels will have increased!!

Depends where you live I guess. Around here alcohol below the legal age limit is a no amongst the vast majority of parents. No adult would serve alcohol to a 15 year old. I’m sure many of the kids drink illegally but also many do not and they are spared being pressurised in their own or their friends’ homes. Unfortunately for you it seems to be acceptable where you are and also by many of the posters on this thread.

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Most important thing - arrange a specific time to pick him up from the party, so he doesn't try to walk home drunk by himself.

I don’t get it either Coronawireless… it seems the norm where I live for parents to condone / provide alcohol for teenagers to drink. Historically, Britain had the highest level of underage drinking and we wonder why.

it seems the norm where I live for parents to condone / provide alcohol for teenagers to drink. Historically, Britain had the highest level of underage drinking and we wonder why.

Non-native here. In my youth we drank fortified wine, extra strong beer, even moonshine. Parents did not condone - they did not even know!
So a crate of Fosters under relative supervision seems like a safer option.

Trouble is if you make booze a taboo ut becomes more desirable to your average teen. I like the French way where kids are allowed wine at dinner.
When i started getting dd the odd bit of booze she stopped stealing mine, was much more open and drank less.

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Trouble is if you make booze a taboo ut becomes more desirable to your average teen. I like the French way where kids are allowed wine at dinner.
When i started getting dd the odd bit of booze she stopped stealing mine, was much more open and drank less.

This with bells on. My now 19 rarely drinks & will buy non alcoholic drinks in the pub with her mates. Never seen her paralytic from binge drinking & I doubt I ever will as she's very sensible around alcohol for all of the above reasons

A good friend had the same approach for her DS starting age 13/15… now age 19 he drinks until he’s paralytic. She hardly drinks at all. Perhaps having French culture, French employment opportunities, French food, French public services would support a French way of learning to drink.

Anyhow, each to our own.