Teen stealing money for drugs

[Superg4]

Hi, I'm desperate. Just had confirmation yesterday that my 16 yr old son has been stealing serious amounts of money and selling items to raise money to buy pot and alcohol. He has no intention of stopping smoking pot (been doing it now for about 1 year) and drinking and I am at my wits end. His 13 yr old brother has just admitted to smoking (also yesterday) and I am so afraid that he is going to follow in his older brother's footsteps. I have 2 more older children who seem to have skipped these issues (TG!). Any ideas what to do please?

if he is 16 - has he got a job?

my 14 yr old is doing much the same. but he pays for it with his paperround - well used to til we took his card away.

i would mke him work like a dog - he would be either volunteering or signed up in the forces. yes indeedy thats my plan - its the RAF for my son or he will work for a homeless charity if he has no qualifications. if he is at college - he will work for a charity in the evening - its only time that allows them.

that sounds heartless i kow - there are drug action agencies out therelike connexions will help - or say they will the advice i got wad " all teenagers do it" .......right them - that makes it right then does it?

the point ia m trying to make is that my son is clear if he wants to buy fags he has to work for the money ( and hide the baccy from his dad)

Hi, no he doesn't have a job - not so easy in the country I live. Teenagers don't have Sat. jobs it's not the norm as in the UK (unfortunately). He's also at college. I've told him that he has to do jobs around the house to pay back the money he stole, but he and I both know that's not really serious! I'm just so devastated that he stole from me in the first place and continued to do so for a long time before I noticed! I agree with you, just because "all teenagers do it" does not make it right in my book either. I feel so frustrated and helpless.

Where do you live, superg4?

i know the feeling of " how can my baby boy do this to me" i really do the devestation is all encompassing.

why is doing the chores round the house not really serious - can he not clean the grid or mow the grass or bleach the bin or clean the toilet - even if you have to do it again - make him do it. hes taking the piss and the trouble is you both know it.

i know how you feel its an every day thing with my foster kids, what can be done,well to start with i put a lock on my room and anything vauable to me like my purse,c.d's ect where locked up,when asked about this i told them that they couldnt be trusted, i knew that by doing this it would often lead them to steal from others but then the police get involved,and you get some back up from the authorities,any pocket money should be worked for and worked hard, he has to learn that if he wants to do this sort of thing he has to be able to fund it his self

Hi, I live in Switzerland. Life here is quite different from the UK. It's quite an affluent lifestyle. We try to teach values to our children but we seem to be in the minority. Other teenagers here are handed everything on a plate, including cars for their 18th!! It seems so unfair to "punish" our other 3 children because of one. We can't trust yr brother so everything has to be put away and hidden. It's such a depressing way to live in your own home. And, yes, our son shd clean the toilet, bathroom etc. but when he says no what can we do. He has also gone out anyway when grounded, climbed out of the window. Unless he values the family rules (and obviously he doesn't unless it suits him) he doesn't cooperate. He flaunts our authority, what message does that send his younger brother? I can too, which is prob why he is smoking as well. Just feel sooooo frustrated not to get through to our son.

i have been in this situation where chores have been refused and dealt with it in a few ways, first of all i scream and shout stamp my feet cry and worry when ds15 then slams the front door and doesnt return til 11pm.

then just as he think he in in for the bollocking of a lifetime i sit him down and tell him that to make this family work he has to contribute. he is an equal member and without his help either dad or me will have to stay home. this means that we are back to potatoes and beans for tea - no latest ps2 games, clothes? what you need some more "tracky" bottoms - oh the crappy no names ones are not good enough for you... well am afraid thats all we wil be able to afford.

i guess you buy his clothes, food, and pay all his bills.........with an affluent lifestyle to keep up there must be plenty of things to withdraw - who buys credit for his phone? personal grooming products - i bet you buy his deoderant if nothing else... c'mon he needs you more than you need him when he says " mum do you know where....."
" dont speak to me i am not your personal radar. i am your mother who deserves respect and honesty and until such time as you treat me that way then please refrain from speaking to me"

if he doesnt need you - tell him to move out. i told my son to move out - he stood there in utter dismay - i said "well you obviously earn enough to treat me the way you do"
"huh"
" well only someone financially secure when they depend on someone else for their roof, food, clothes, snacks, hair gel, deoderant, money, presents for birthday and xmas, money for school trips and holidays....you have all that money saved up i presume"
"no"

"oh dear life is going to be hard for you then isnt it"

it kicks in
if you give him everything he needs dispite his behaviour why should he listen to you

imagine employing the same technique with a toddler who screamed all the time for a biscuit..you say no - they still want a biscuit and continue screaming - you give them the biscuit - they still scream even though they have what they ask for becuase they want another one. whereas if you say no and stick to it they canscream themselves to sleep for a couple of days but on day three there will be no more screaming for biscuits becuase they know they will not win

and your situation isnt so different becuase you have a more affluent lifestyle and are in a different country. its not like am saying " tell him to hunt for wild bear for supper to prove his manhood"

tell him to clean the toilet or no deoderant.

Oooh custardo, you the MAMMA!

I think perhaps I should have added "RESPECT".

(I'm not really very cool am I?)

custardo your a mum after my own heart!

This book: Get out of my life but first drive me and Alex into town: A guide to the new teenager was recommended on here a while back and the woman who recommended it said she found it very useful (Kia I think. Where did she go?) I think I'm going to buy it in advance of my boy becoming a teen. Poor you, this does sound stressful.

Hi custardo, I know you are right, but my son would move out. He has already packed all his clothes and belongings and ready to walk out of the door. My husband had to talk him round. To withdraw deo etc. wd not bother him. On the surface he is a very undemanding boy. His clothes are the skateboarder clothes. That's all he wears, holes or no holes, it doesn't matter to him. That's the prob, nothing seems to matter to him. I have always been a disciplinarian and sometimes I think that's why he rebels so much.

Hi wickedwaterwitch, Tnx for the info. I've read so many books already, have quite a collection now. I'll try to get hold of a copy of the book you mention, I'll read any and everything if it helps!